Venting I can't remember a time when I was happy.

[Coffeandamug]

I was reading some threads and some people here had happy lives before going to a darker place in life. I envy those people a little... I guess the only moments that I was happy were when I was a naive kid, but since 9, 10... the torment began. Since then I haven't experienced happines a day in my life. I have had, at most, happy moments with an underlying, constant agony underneath... It is kind of fucked up that, existencially, that was never able to feel a happiness tha is not bittersweet... I hate this fucked up world...

 

[Darkover]

i haven't been happy since 18, 17 years later i'm still not happy, everything went to shit after a relationship breakdown funny how your whole world can turn up side down in an instant, i just wish this would all get better but it never will not for any of us

 

[Leiden]

It's like that old saying is it better to of loved and lost or to never have loved at all. Is it better to of felt happiness and lost it or to never of felt it at all. The past happiness I knew haunts me so bad. So, so bad. I don't know what is worse. To of known happiness and have it wripped away or to never of had it at all? I'm tired of this world too. I'm sorry you are going through this and I hope someway it could get better for you.

 

[Darkover]

still it would be better to of never existed in the first place, but i agree it's better to of loved and lost or to never have loved at all such powerful emotion

 

[foggy]

I haven't been happy since age...10? Not sure but it's been a long time. And my childhood wasn't enviable. I just was a happy child. But, I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope someday things improve for you.

 

[Leiden]

still it would be better to of never existed in the first place, but i agree it's better to of loved and lost or to never have loved at all such powerful emotion

Agreed. Would absolutely of been better to of never existed. It's not fair that we don't have a choice!

 

[Graytaichi]

When i see the quality of life not improving i cant find one fucking reason not to ctb. Yes,i haven been laughing or smiling a bit.

 

[Hurt]

Me neither. And I am sorry that you feel like this. I cant remember the exact time I was happy to be alive and grateful for my life. I cant. Sorry

 

[Lostkitten1]

Count yourself lucky. I can remember a time when I was happy. That time has passed, and I can never get it back, unless someone invents time travel. To quote a Marvel superhero: "no amount of money ever bought one second of time"

Seems I'm doubly blessed: I have no money, and nothing to spend it on if I had.

 

[Al Cappella]

I don't know about happy—but I can definitely remember the absolute best I ever felt. I was having a bit of surgery to repair a hernia about 3 years back—my first time under general anaesthesia as a adult. Man. Whatever they shot me up with before they stick the mask over your face—I remember telling everyone in the room how amazing the feeling was. I must have gone on about it for some time because the anaesthesiologist finally, though nicely, told me to shut up. I still remember it as if I'm there. Every single worry—poof, gone. Except for not being able to do the heavy machinery but I was totally golden…

 

[S like suicide]

I was reading some threads and some people here had happy lives before going to a darker place in life. I envy those people a little... I guess the only moments that I was happy were when I was a naive kid, but since 9, 10... the torment began. Since then I haven't experienced happines a day in my life. I have had, at most, happy moments with an underlying, constant agony underneath... It is kind of fucked up that, existencially, that was never able to feel a happiness tha is not bittersweet... I hate this fucked up world...

Yes...i feel you,i can say the same,but i wasn't happy at 10 yrs old...i started to feel different from others and unloved at 5/6 yrs old

 

[FuneralCry]

I have no idea what happiness would even be like, I have never wanted to live. My life has always been miserable. I have no positive memories of the past. To me it would feel wrong to be happy in a world where there is so much suffering. Life is extremely depressing after all and I see those that want to live as being delusional. More than anything I wish I was never born.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

Yup I haven't been happy since 14 however life got worse after a mental breakdown from heartbreak being taken advantage of at age 21-22 have been more depressed non functioning and less drive

 

[Coffeandamug]

I have no idea what happiness would even be like, I have never wanted to live. My life has always been miserable. I have no positive memories of the past. To me it would feel wrong to be happy in a world where there is so much suffering. Life is extremely depressing after all and I see those that want to live as being delusional. More than anything I wish I was never born.

I share some of these sentiments. Although I don"t see some of the people that want to live as delusional. They probably got pretty sweet deals at life to feel like that. I'm not saying these folks don't have problems, just that what they love obout life is worth the trouble.And the rest is really just delusional.

 

[Coffeandamug]

It's like that old saying is it better to of loved and lost or to never have loved at all. Is it better to of felt happiness and lost it or to never of felt it at all. The past happiness I knew haunts me so bad. So, so bad. I don't know what is worse. To of known happiness and have it wripped away or to never of had it at all? I'm tired of this world too. I'm sorry you are going through this and I hope someway it could get better for you.

I'm sorry you are going through this as well. I now don't have an strong opinion on that question... I mean, I said I was envious of people like you, but you and more people are saying that the pain of having lost happiness too can be also so bad. I tend to say that never having experienced happines is worse but maybe this is biased ? I Don't know... either way I also hope things could get somehow better for you.

 

[VoidDesirer22]

I was definitely happy for a bit when I was 19. If I had died on the plane ride home then all would be well. Oh well, as the meme says "I'll do it myself".