Venting I cant love people.

[Despondent_Fondant]

I have never had a relationship, because I can never reciprocate feelings. In the past I have had several people express interest in me, and I just end up pushing them away. Right now there is this girl and she clearly is into me, and I really enjoy the time I spend with her, But I already know im going to push her away. It's like everyone around me cares, my Mom, friends, Brother, but none of it matters because I don't. I was talking to this girl about how I feel, just my thought process and where I see myself going in life, and at some point I look over and she is crying. I have no shame about my feelings, and will talk about them with anyone who will listen, and just by talking about them, I made her cry. I did not even cry when my dog died, or when my father had a terrible heart attack. How long can I go never being able to reciprocate feelings to the people that care? God sometimes I think it's just so fucking pathetic.

 

[todeswunsch]

You are not pathetic.
You can't control how you feel, and you seem to just be honest about what you think.
I kinda get that. I am autistic and because of it I am too honest and straightforward that some people find me rude.
I can't control it, and I made people cry and I don't even know why.
I also find that I don't feel love. I don't have the same feelings towards my family as they do towards me.
Sometimes I feel guilty because of it, but I can't control how I feel.
I had a girlfriend that really loved me, and I decided to break up with her because I didn't felt the same. I liked her, but didn't feel the connection
I can't connect to people. It's hard to live that way, but I try my best to at least not feel guilty

You shouldn't too, nor feel shame. You are just being the way you are. And people shouldn't be mad at you because of it.
You may even have sth that explains it too (like my autism explain my case) that ease people expectations. But even without it, you should live your own expectations. And you are not pathetic because of it.

I wish you the best!

 

[spinningship]

You are not pathetic.
You can't control how you feel, and you seem to just be honest about what you think.
I kinda get that. I am autistic and because of it I am too honest and straightforward that some people find me rude.
I can't control it, and I made people cry and I don't even know why.
I also find that I don't feel love. I don't have the same feelings towards my family as they do towards me.
Sometimes I feel guilty because of it, but I can't control how I feel.
I had a girlfriend that really loved me, and I decided to break up with her because I didn't felt the same. I liked her, but didn't feel the connection
I can't connect to people. It's hard to live that way, but I try my best to at least not feel guilty

You shouldn't too, nor feel shame. You are just being the way you are. And people shouldn't be mad at you because of it.
You may even have sth that explains it too (like my autism explain my case) that ease people expectations. But even without it, you should live your own expectations. And you are not pathetic because of it.

I wish you the best!

The contradiction of autism is a yearning not to be lonely together with just being unable to match the frequency of other people. Like I distract myself with work and special interests and stuff but when it gets late at night I end up crying from how lonely it gets and it just never changes.

 

[whateverr]

I have never had a relationship, because I can never reciprocate feelings. In the past I have had several people express interest in me, and I just end up pushing them away. Right now there is this girl and she clearly is into me, and I really enjoy the time I spend with her, But I already know im going to push her away. It's like everyone around me cares, my Mom, friends, Brother, but none of it matters because I don't. I was talking to this girl about how I feel, just my thought process and where I see myself going in life, and at some point I look over and she is crying. I have no shame about my feelings, and will talk about them with anyone who will listen, and just by talking about them, I made her cry. I did not even cry when my dog died, or when my father had a terrible heart attack. How long can I go never being able to reciprocate feelings to the people that care? God sometimes I think it's just so fucking pathetic.

Just use it to your advantage. You tried, and trying made things worse so just be yourself and give no fucks. What the hell else are you going to do???