Venting I can't live here anymore

[AnonymousL]

I live in a very toxic household where I have been physically abused my whole childhood and even till this day I had hands around my neck while I fell on the floor.

I'm tired.

The house is a mess every single day.


I clean it and still everyday it ends up like it always is.

There is poop in the fucking drain of the bath tub.. so the water doesn't drain properly anymore.

The smell is so bad.

The dogs pee on the floor and people just leave it there .. or they put a towel on top
Of it but they don't actually clean it they just leave the towel on the floor with the pee.

There is yoghurt with mold in the bathroom sink.

I can't. I can't. I can't.


in order to find a place for myself I need a job but I can't work right now because I feel so tired and drained from being in this house. It's a cycle and I can't break it.

I don't see a way out other than killing myself while i don't feel like dying sometimes. But I feel like I have no choice.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Yes, it's infuriating.
I live in a shared house because I can't afford an apartment and the people here are filthy pigs.
One of them is a violent alcoholic, another is always having sex with different people upstairs.
They are verbally abusive if I complain about the mess they have made, and are arrogant and ignorant in general.
I can't move out because there is a huge shortage of affordable accommodation here in the UK.
I'm trapped here, so it's either stay here or be homeless again.
I just want to cease exisisting, dealing with this stress and mental illness is destroying me.
Sorry you are going through this kind of thing too.

 

[AnonymousL]

Yes, it's infuriating.
I live in a shared house because I can't afford an apartment and the people here are filthy pigs.
One of them is a violent alcoholic, another is always having sex with different people upstairs.
They are verbally abusive if I complain about the mess they have made, and are arrogant and ignorant in general.
I can't move out because there is a huge shortage of affordable accommodation here in the UK.
I'm trapped here, so it's either stay here or be homeless again.
I just want to cease exisisting, dealing with this stress and mental illness is destroying me.
Sorry you are going through this kind of thing too.

As much as I find it comforting that you are in the same kind of situation I still feel deeply sorry for that exact same reason.

I hope you find a way out of that house soon.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

As much as I find it comforting that you are in the same kind of situation I still feel deeply sorry for that exact same reason.

I hope you find a way out of that house soon.

Thank you.
I hope you find a way out soon too.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be so awful being stuck in that situation, it's horrible how many humans just create much more suffering. But anyway best wishes.

 

[sash]

Hi @AnonymousL
If you are female and there is violence in your home, can you contact a womens refuge?
I know its not great but if its better than the situation you have.
I have taken 2 friends, separately, to refuges via police stations. They both within 6 -8 months got their own homes with help from the refuge services.
Yes I visited my friends there, all women some kids, no men above 12 yr olds. yes there are emotions, but safe.
Is that an option where you are?

 

[AnonymousL]

Hi @AnonymousL
If you are female and there is violence in your home, can you contact a womens refuge?
I know its not great but if its better than the situation you have.
I have taken 2 friends, separately, to refuges via police stations. They both within 6 -8 months got their own homes with help from the refuge services.
Yes I visited my friends there, all women some kids, no men above 12 yr olds. yes there are emotions, but safe.
Is that an option where you are?

Hello!

Yes I am female.

However.. I think these kind of homes are for woman in extremely abusive situations.

The abuse isn't a daily occurrence anymore .. it's a once in a while thing so sadly I don't think I can go there :(

 

[sash]

Hello!

Yes I am female.

However.. I think these kind of homes are for woman in extremely abusive situations.

The abuse isn't a daily occurrence anymore .. it's a once in a while thing so sadly I don't think I can go there :(

I dont know what country you are in, in UK we have laws that mean it doesnt have to be physical. coercive control, emotional control. fear without bruises.

Are you scared?
Both my friends went to refuges without bruises etc, only because they played the loving partner for a while putting up with everything with a smile, doing as they were told, while they were packing and hiding things for a quick getaway.
Forget the filth if u talk to help unless they ask. Its all about fear of life.
Do you have a domestic violence helpline? Phone em when yr in panic mode voice/breathing and ask for help. You dont need to prove. Both my friends had no proof and didnt want to involve police in what went on, just wanted to move forward. Doesnt have to be a partner. A woman in fear of her life. Strangulation kills, check this site! :)
You have internet. Look up domestic violence help sites, look up womens refuges etc.
If u talk to them, take yrself to a 'bad' day and speak with the emotion like it just happened, it will happen again you said. Fact
The fear of living with it happening again is control of you. Could be after u read this could be next year. It is control with fear.
I have lived like this. Between the beatings its all mental control and also waiting for the next violence.
Use the internet. what have u got to lose..

 

[AnonymousL]

I dont know what country you are in, in UK we have laws that mean it doesnt have to be physical. coercive control, emotional control. fear without bruises.

Are you scared?
Both my friends went to refuges without bruises etc, only because they played the loving partner for a while putting up with everything with a smile, doing as they were told, while they were packing and hiding things for a quick getaway.
Forget the filth if u talk to help unless they ask. Its all about fear of life.
Do you have a domestic violence helpline? Phone em when yr in panic mode voice/breathing and ask for help. You dont need to prove. Both my friends had no proof and didnt want to involve police in what went on, just wanted to move forward. Doesnt have to be a partner. A woman in fear of her life. Strangulation kills, check this site! :)
You have internet. Look up domestic violence help sites, look up womens refuges etc.
If u talk to them, take yrself to a 'bad' day and speak with the emotion like it just happened, it will happen again you said. Fact
The fear of living with it happening again is control of you. Could be after u read this could be next year. It is control with fear.
I have lived like this. Between the beatings its all mental control and also waiting for the next violence.
Use the internet. what have u got to lose..

The police have been called a few times and they did nothing. It's making me think like my situation isn't bad enough.

I will look up some information and maybe try to get In direct contact with those helplines.

Thank you

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I dont know what country you are in, in UK we have laws that mean it doesnt have to be physical. coercive control, emotional control. fear without bruises.

Are you scared?
Both my friends went to refuges without bruises etc, only because they played the loving partner for a while putting up with everything with a smile, doing as they were told, while they were packing and hiding things for a quick getaway.
Forget the filth if u talk to help unless they ask. Its all about fear of life.
Do you have a domestic violence helpline? Phone em when yr in panic mode voice/breathing and ask for help. You dont need to prove. Both my friends had no proof and didnt want to involve police in what went on, just wanted to move forward. Doesnt have to be a partner. A woman in fear of her life. Strangulation kills, check this site! :)
You have internet. Look up domestic violence help sites, look up womens refuges etc.
If u talk to them, take yrself to a 'bad' day and speak with the emotion like it just happened, it will happen again you said. Fact
The fear of living with it happening again is control of you. Could be after u read this could be next year. It is control with fear.
I have lived like this. Between the beatings its all mental control and also waiting for the next violence.
Use the internet. what have u got to lose..

I'm glad these laws finally came in. My Sister used to be married to a scumbag abuser.
Yet thankfully she ran away and came and told me what happened.
Her husband now walks with a limp.
I despise abusers of any kind.

 

[sash]

The police have been called a few times and they did nothing. It's making me think like my situation isn't bad enough.

I will look up some information and maybe try to get In direct contact with those helplines.

Thank you

The police never do anything.. They come round, it calms down, they leave.

Cops r useless, gov is useless. go to the people that genuinely care. DV helplines, Womens refuge etc.

If you are in fear that something will happen because it has happened more than few times, then that is all you need.