Venting I can’t get out of bed

[JJ53]

No matter what I do, I always fall back into the deepest fucking depressive episode ever. I just don't know how much longer I can fight this. I'm supposed to be starting university soon, which I put in place for myself as an anti-suicide barrier. Now that I think of it, how am I supposed to go to class and complete assignments if I can't even do something as simple as taking a shower? As time passes, I become more and more convinced that suicide is the answer. I really, really want to reach out for help, but as soon as mental illness reaches this point, everyone just thinks you're a lazy fuck and doesn't want to deal with you.

 

[LapseInTime]

Believe it or not, when I attempted to go to college, I did manage to keep up with what I had to do... I just didn't have any life outside of that. It's a chore but it may also give you a sense of purpose.

 

[shironeko]

I am suffering from that too…And everyone just left me.
I tried hard to keep up with my courses but it seems meaningless to me. Being forced by my paranoia and my future, I'm so tired of living.

I can relate to that, really. Because I cannot get up or taking shower too, and I can barely walk out of my room.

I wish that you can have some luck. Luck can change everything, and make things work out by itself. I really hope there's no suffering in this disgusting world.

 

[Kadaver]

Same. Just want to lay here on my phone and try not to think. Haven't showered or left the house in weeks. Just fucking miserable.

 

[Edistrying]

Almost three months ago I was in the worst depressive episode I never had.. I asked for help, now im taking some pills & thank God Im a little better, I can take a shower, brush my teeth... My only advise is ask for help...
I'm so sorry for you, i send you a hug and peace

 

[avoid]

I found myself in the same downward spiral where stress and anxiety paralyses you and the longer you don't take action, the more stress and anxiety you'll experience due to deadlines and other obligations. There really is no solution to this problem other than standing up and taking action. If you really think it's already too late then sign out of university — will this grand you a refund on your university tuition, and what do you want to do next? But if you'd rather want to stay then there must be a part of you that still thinks it's not too late, which brings us back to standing up and taking action. I know this is easier said then done. And I'm in no position to speak on this because I was in the same position, and failed. But I hope you can come out of this downward spiral.

Normally I don't come with advice on venting threads because as the flair suggests: it's to vent, not to discus or solve problems. But since you wrote that you want to reach out for help, please consider these tips. They helped me at times. Ignore this if it's unwelcome.

• Are you familiar with the feeling of relaxing in your bed after you woke up, not wanting to leave your comfortable bed when suddenly, you feel a burst of energy coming from within you? This energy feels similar to the rush of adrenaline you get from hearing about a big assignment from your friends and discovering that the deadline is only 1 hour away, having yet to start. Sometimes, when I don't want to get ouf of bed, I wait for a sign as an excuse to stay longer under my comfortable duvet. Then, after a bit of time, as if I'm building up the energy to get out of bed, I suddenly feel energy rushing within me, the sign I've been waiting for. If you're familiar with this experience then use this rush of energy to get out of bed.
• In my experience, my home/room is where I start to spiral down. I'm active and lively when I'm out or with other people, including at uni. But once I'm back home, I see my bed and just want to drop myself like a brick. I want to stop responding to people, ignore everything that goes on around me and just be nothing, think nothing, feel nothing. My solution to this problem was to do everything that needed to be done at the uni, and go home only after I'm done.
• You're suppose to be starting university soon, but do you want to start? Or to rephase it, do you plan on starting university because it's a necessary part/step to reach your dream job/life, or because it's expected of you to start uni (family or societal norms)? In case of the former, I hope your dream will motivate you to push yourself. In case of the latter, I hope you'll find what makes you happy, not what makes others happy for you.

Whatever it is you do, I hope you'll find your way.

 

[amatherasu :-)]

Literally my whole day goes by between the bed and a recliner chair lawl
why live honestly

 

[Forever Sleep]

Does the prospect of failure trouble you? I went back to uni to study because I felt like I needed clear goals that I would fail unless I put the work in. Maybe it will help when you start. It's hard to get out of bed and feel motivated when there isn't the pressure there to do it.

College therapists may be willing to help- if there are any there. In my experience, they don't want you to quit and take away your tuition fees. So, it didn't feel entirely genuine to me but, it might be worth trying. I hope things improve for you.

 

[nembutal]

that last part isn't true. i have a therapist who checks up on me constantly in fear of me ODing. invest some time in finding professional help, what do you have to lose at this point? and you can't say it won't help you if you've never tried it.

 

[badtothebone]

No matter what I do, I always fall back into the deepest fucking depressive episode ever. I just don't know how much longer I can fight this. I'm supposed to be starting university soon, which I put in place for myself as an anti-suicide barrier. Now that I think of it, how am I supposed to go to class and complete assignments if I can't even do something as simple as taking a shower? As time passes, I become more and more convinced that suicide is the answer. I really, really want to reach out for help, but as soon as mental illness reaches this point, everyone just thinks you're a lazy fuck and doesn't want to deal with you.

I remember when I was there it was a lot and I had to work too that time but you can do it. Even if you don't want to just get up and do what you need to do to complete your daily tasks. Look at depression as a person who wants to steal your life, are you going to let him? Of course not. I had a patient a while back came from nursing school with SI we consulted psych and it was determined he had depression. You just need to right medications and coping skills. Reach out for help even in college they have student counselor and it won't effect your school or history it will stay there in that room. Everyone gets depressed during higher educations it's a lot to comprehend.. good luck with everything my friend!

 

[JJ53]

I remember when I was there it was a lot and I had to work too that time but you can do it. Even if you don't want to just get up and do what you need to do to complete your daily tasks. Look at depression as a person who wants to steal your life, are you going to let him? Of course not. I had a patient a while back came from nursing school with SI we consulted psych and it was determined he had depression. You just need to right medications and coping skills. Reach out for help even in college they have student counselor and it won't effect your school or history it will stay there in that room. Everyone gets depressed during higher educations it's a lot to comprehend.. good luck with everything my friend!

Thank you so much - and thanks to everyone else, too. You've given me a lot to reflect on and discover about myself, my needs, and my wants. I've been trying to motivate myself to get up, even if it's just for simple tasks. Starting today, I've begun eating healthy and plan to go for a walk later. I also intend to consult with the counsellor at my university once I start. I've heard they can make special considerations for certain conditions, so we'll see if that's a viable option. I'm actually studying nursing, so I hope it doesn't stress me out too much or push me further to the edge. PS: I saw that you are an RN, and it made me feel hopeful to know that it's possible to fulfil a role like that while struggling ;)

 

[badtothebone]

Thank you so much - and thanks to everyone else, too. You've given me a lot to reflect on and discover about myself, my needs, and my wants. I've been trying to motivate myself to get up, even if it's just for simple tasks. Starting today, I've begun eating healthy and plan to go for a walk later. I also intend to consult with the counsellor at my university once I start. I've heard they can make special considerations for certain conditions, so we'll see if that's a viable option. I'm actually studying nursing, so I hope it doesn't stress me out too much or push me further to the edge. PS: I saw that you are an RN, and it made me feel hopeful to know that it's possible to fulfil a role like that while struggling ;)

Appreciate that you're trying! You gonna be the best RN at your state! Nursing starts with great communication, beautiful heart, and the ability to help others and you did that through this site, can imagine your friends and family. You helped me and you will help your patients. If you need any help or have questions, let me know. The worst scenario is the colostomy bag but once you start working as a nurse the aid will do all the cleaning you just supervise. I'm so proud of you already! Good luck with everything I wish you the best

 

[whotookmylexapro]

I feel the same way OP. College has started for me since august and im barely hanging on by a thread. I do the bare minimum of assignments just to pass and not much else.

My mental illness makes it so hard for me to function daily, i can hardly take care of myself properly, feed myself, or do basic chores like getting gas or cleaning my room.

However, being in college makes life atleast slightly more bearable because it gives me something to focus on and distracts me from the rest of my disastrous life.