I can't get help

[oopswronglife]

I don't want to die but nobody will help me live and I simply cannot do it alone. Systems and people have denied and betrayed me repeatedly. In desperation I asked the resentful family member I live with to help me move and it turned out exactly as I expected. They got angry, attacked me, insulted me, berated me. This person is a hard core Trump supporter and all the baggage that comes with that. They think people who suffer are weak and losers and need to work harder. I worked harder and jobs better for humanity than any of them but they ignore this. I was disabled and have been blamed and punched down at rather than lifted up. They have never suffered much unless they created it by cheating on wives etc...repeatedly. But they always come out on top. Healthy, lots of money, but have always treated me poorly even when my life was good. I ended up here out of desperation and foolishly believing they had changed and would help. They were never going to and never will and I am trapped in a rural shithole with no transport and no survivable plan. They money I have isn't enough. I could live if I could get help. I cannot live like this in this physical and mental pain with people who emotionally abuse me and there is no safety net in the USA nor anywhere I can afford to go. I would not survive homeless with my health issues.

I really don't want to die in this house or shithole country so try to convince myself to fly somewhere nice, but I risk losing my N. I have flown with it before internationally so the risk is unknown, but its a risk. I also couldn't take the additional supplies as they would not be easy to hide...IV fluids etc. So I am torn between doing it here in this miserable house...which is the least complicated way....or trying to go somewhere I love and do it and maybe have to do it a harder way or method. I don't want to do it at all...I want help...I want love....the only people who ever loved me are dead...just two of them. One ctb and if not for these fuckers here keeping me stuck I could have moved before and MAYBE helped them...though I know they were really determined and suffered a lot. I want to live....just a small flat with my cat in a decent country....but I cannot manage even this....8 billion people and not one will help. I can't understand this.

 

[azucaramargo]

I don't want to die but nobody will help me live and I simply cannot do it alone. Systems and people have denied and betrayed me repeatedly. In desperation I asked the resentful family member I live with to help me move and it turned out exactly as I expected. They got angry, attacked me, insulted me, berated me. This person is a hard core Trump supporter and all the baggage that comes with that. They think people who suffer are weak and losers and need to work harder. I worked harder and jobs better for humanity than any of them but they ignore this. I was disabled and have been blamed and punched down at rather than lifted up. They have never suffered much unless they created it by cheating on wives etc...repeatedly. But they always come out on top. Healthy, lots of money, but have always treated me poorly even when my life was good. I ended up here out of desperation and foolishly believing they had changed and would help. They were never going to and never will and I am trapped in a rural shithole with no transport and no survivable plan. They money I have isn't enough. I could live if I could get help. I cannot live like this in this physical and mental pain with people who emotionally abuse me and there is no safety net in the USA nor anywhere I can afford to go. I would not survive homeless with my health issues.

I really don't want to die in this house or shithole country so try to convince myself to fly somewhere nice, but I risk losing my N. I have flown with it before internationally so the risk is unknown, but its a risk. I also couldn't take the additional supplies as they would not be easy to hide...IV fluids etc. So I am torn between doing it here in this miserable house...which is the least complicated way....or trying to go somewhere I love and do it and maybe have to do it a harder way or method. I don't want to do it at all...I want help...I want love....the only people who ever loved me are dead...just two of them. One ctb and if not for these fuckers here keeping me stuck I could have moved before and MAYBE helped them...though I know they were really determined and suffered a lot. I want to live....just a small flat with my cat in a decent country....but I cannot manage even this....8 billion people and not one will help. I can't understand this.

I feel for you, Oopswronglife. Your situation sounds very similar to my own -- living amidst disdainful relatives, in a rural landscape, in 'da U.S.A., limited funds, an urge to expatriate STAT.

I am impressed with your success at transporting N internationally. I'm guessing you hid it within your checked luggage on flights? Someone with whom I was involved -- living in another country -- suggested I was not being sufficiently scrappy in my fight to remedy my predicament. His "dick is not impressed" (actual quote) with a woman who works only 36 hours a week and spends the rest of her days applying for jobs. No, a woman worthy of his heart is a hustler! She breaks the law! She sells herself.

"OK, first, glad to know you feel so protective of me, and, second, for argument's sake even if I were to resort to such illegal lengths, how would I go about finding clients?"

"I don't have time to babysit!" he blustered. "I want a woman who learns! Who sacrifices for her man!"

OK, sorry for that bitter tangent that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with my pity party. I'm just still reeling from the affront, and it's really messing with me on so many levels. Doesn't it seem kind of "Trumpian" for a companion to suggest one is not doing enough to help oneself unless one has resorted to illicit, dangerous, and arguably indecent means? (Indecent in the sense that one's own lover is making a case for one to prostitute oneself) But, I digress.

So, I feel for you: desperate, unable to visit faraway friends, living at the mercy of disparaging critics, whose charity determines day-to-day survival. Please let's both try to stay as calm as possible, and keep our minds clear so we can figure out some feasible solutions to our problems. I liked your use of the term "survivable plan"; that is what I lack (among many other things) as well. Also, I saw your post on another thread asking for partners in Europe. I too hold out hope for the SS community's ability to elevate each other and enrich each others' lives. In the meantime, let's keep our ears to the ground in search of any advancement opportunities. I, for one, am going to continue applying for jobs, as unsexy as that might be.

And, I am going to explore alternative options for housing if shit gets too real here at the homestead. Unsavory is the prospect of paying to put down roots in a place I'm itching to flee. However, I like you cannot survive homelessness. Actually, the same guru who suggested I start selling my ace pointed out that every day I managed to survive in my family's home was a day I didn't have to shell out for my own place (or live out on the streets). And, that bit of guidance was actually useful. I try to keep my distance and make myself as scarce as possible. Keep being courteous, keep your head down and your powder dry, and find ways to do a few chores that don't involve their direction/input. Let's help each other look for little ways out of our respective holes. We can encourage each other on our way to the top.

Deal? Wishing you continued strength.

 

[Whitewash11235814]

I feel for you, Oopswronglife. Your situation sounds very similar to my own -- living amidst disdainful relatives, in a rural landscape, in 'da U.S.A., limited funds, an urge to expatriate STAT.

I am impressed with your success at transporting N internationally. I'm guessing you hid it within your checked luggage on flights? Someone with whom I was involved -- living in another country -- suggested I was not being sufficiently scrappy in my fight to remedy my predicament. His "dick is not impressed" (actual quote) with a woman who works only 36 hours a week and spends the rest of her days applying for jobs. No, a woman worthy of his heart is a hustler! She breaks the law! She sells herself.

"OK, first, glad to know you feel so protective of me, and, second, for argument's sake even if I were to resort to such illegal lengths, how would I go about finding clients?"

"I don't have time to babysit!" he blustered. "I want a woman who learns! Who sacrifices for her man!"

OK, sorry for that bitter tangent that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with my pity party. I'm just still reeling from the affront, and it's really messing with me on so many levels. Doesn't it seem kind of "Trumpian" for a companion to suggest one is not doing enough to help oneself unless one has resorted to illicit, dangerous, and arguably indecent means? (Indecent in the sense that one's own lover is making a case for one to prostitute oneself) But, I digress.

So, I feel for you: desperate, unable to visit faraway friends, living at the mercy of disparaging critics, whose charity determines day-to-day survival. Please let's both try to stay as calm as possible, and keep our minds clear so we can figure out some feasible solutions to our problems. I liked your use of the term "survivable plan"; that is what I lack (among many other things) as well. Also, I saw your post on another thread asking for partners in Europe. I too hold out hope for the SS community's ability to elevate each other and enrich each others' lives. In the meantime, let's keep our ears to the ground in search of any advancement opportunities. I, for one, am going to continue applying for jobs, as unsexy as that might be.

And, I am going to explore alternative options for housing if shit gets too real here at the homestead. Unsavory is the prospect of paying to put down roots in a place I'm itching to flee. However, I like you cannot survive homelessness. Actually, the same guru who suggested I start selling my ace pointed out that every day I managed to survive in my family's home was a day I didn't have to shell out for my own place (or live out on the streets). And, that bit of guidance was actually useful. I try to keep my distance and make myself as scarce as possible. Keep being courteous, keep your head down and your powder dry, and find ways to do a few chores that don't involve their direction/input. Let's help each other look for little ways out of our respective holes. We can encourage each other on our way to the top.

Deal? Wishing you continued strength.

Bad tradeoff. Dignity is timeless. This may just be a stain you won't be able to erase.

 

[azucaramargo]

Bad tradeoff. Dignity is timeless. This may just be a stain you won't be able to erase.

@Whitewash11235814, what do you mean by this???? To which trade-off are you referring?

 

[bornsinner]

call 911 and tell them u want to go the psych ward