I can't...fucking....live...like....this....

[Water-Lily]

All he said was one thing. Just one fucking thing. "Just be more persistent". That's it. It wasn't anything to get angry over. But I did. I held grudge against him the whole day. To wish I kept bringing up the issue and he ended with "Jess your being sensitive". And I went into my room, slammed my door, and started crying.

This fucking disorder fucks with everything. I cannot do this anymore. I'm tired of going crazy and flipping out like this over small shit. I could have even said how I felt differently. But now I shut down like I always do

This is why I can't have friends. This is why I can't have anyone. Cause the min I feel bad I'll shut down and ruin things

I think from here on I need to make an investment to get SN. Its time I killed myself before creating any more damage. It's better this way

 

[nopointofliving]

I feel you. Just try to rest on bed and have some sleep. Having a long sleep can really help, trust me. Your emotions can calm down then, and you can plan better. I wish you all the peace and light.

 

[Water-Lily]

I feel you. Just try to rest on bed and have some sleep. Having a long sleep can really help, trust me. Your emotions can calm down then, and you can plan better. I wish you all the peace and light.

I only rested for like 5 hours. I have to call back a job offer I missed yesterday. I should tell them "I have BPD and many health issues. I am prone to lashing out, being homicidal, and suicidal. I am not qualified for the job" becuase that's literally what I am

I cannot keep causing problems for my dad. I have to kill myself

 

[heretogethelp]

I only rested for like 5 hours. I have to call back a job offer I missed yesterday. I should tell them "I have BPD and many health issues. I am prone to lashing out, being homicidal, and suicidal. I am not qualified for the job" becuase that's literally what I am

I cannot keep causing problems for my dad. I have to kill myself

i understand the sentiment, being suicidal myself.

 

[nopointofliving]

I only rested for like 5 hours. I have to call back a job offer I missed yesterday. I should tell them "I have BPD and many health issues. I am prone to lashing out, being homicidal, and suicidal. I am not qualified for the job" becuase that's literally what I am

I cannot keep causing problems for my dad. I have to kill myself

I feel your pain. But sometimes the solution is just a block/word away, but our mind magnifies the problem. I can say so because I suffer the same. Many times I had to give up many things and many opportunities because I couldn't handle the situation mentally. I believe you can do better. Call the HR of that company, and tell them that you had some emergency and you couldn't show up in the interview, and you would really appreciate it if they give you another chance for an interview. Just say these simple words, and I'm sure they will give you another chance. Be confident that you have all the skills required to tackle the interview very calmly, and you're bigger and stronger than your mind.

I understand the whole situation causes much pain for you. I totally feel you because I truly pass through similar situations on regular basis. I hope that you give it another chance, maybe another attempt. Even if you failed thousands of times, you have nothing to lose now. You can always try again. But it's very important that you rest now, and be calm a bit, everything will be easier then.

I send you all the love, care and support <3

 

[Water-Lily]

i understand the sentiment, being suicidal myself.

On top of suicidal I am also homiciadal. Could you imagine living with a person who can love you in one instant and then want to murder you after?

 

[heretogethelp]

On top of suicidal I am also homiciadal. Could you imagine living with a person who can love you in one instant and then want to murder you after?

Okay, you really need to seek help, then.

 

[Water-Lily]

I feel your pain. But sometimes the solution is just a block/word away, but our mind magnifies the problem. I can say so because I suffer the same. Many times I had to give up many things and many opportunities because I couldn't handle the situation mentally. I believe you can do better. Call the HR of that company, and tell them that you had some emergency and you couldn't show up in the interview, and you would really appreciate it if they give you another chance for an interview. Just say these simple words, and I'm sure they will give you another chance. Be confident that you have all the skills required to tackle the interview very calmly, and you're bigger and stronger than your mind.

I understand the whole situation causes much pain for you. I totally feel you because I truly pass through similar situations on regular basis. I hope that you give it another chance, maybe another attempt. Even if you failed thousands of times, you have nothing to lose now. You can always try again. But it's very important that you rest now, and be calm a bit, everything will be easier then.

I send you all the love, care and support <3

I should clarify. I already passed the interview. I just couldn't work right away cause I was in school. Now that school is done I am trying to get started so I can do training. I called yesterday, missed the damn call cause I slept, then ranted about it to my dad who told me I needed to be more persistent and asked if I at least left my phone on. Nonetheless, he said to just call them back tomorrow (today) but I took what he said personal and shut down. To where after my pushing and ignoring he just said I was being sensitive. Honestly, I kind of was. He didnt say anything bad I just took it in a bad way if that makes sense. But I always do ths. I get homicidal and then want to hurt that person. I start making plans about what I can get away with, how I can CTB out of revenge, etc. All it does is poses a danger to them. Its better if I commit suicide to spare people from my abuse

Okay, you really need to seek help, then.

I am currently in therapy

 

[nopointofliving]

I should clarify. I already passed the interview. I just couldn't work right away cause I was in school. Now that school is done I am trying to get started so I can do training. I called yesterday, missed the damn call cause I slept, then ranted about it to my dad who told me I needed to be more persistent and asked if I at least left my phone on. Nonetheless, he said to just call them back tomorrow (today) but I took what he said personal and shut down. To where after my pushing and ignoring he just said I was being sensitive. Honestly, I kind of was. He didnt say anything bad I just took it in a bad way if that makes sense. But I always do ths. I get homicidal and then want to hurt that person. I start making plans about what I can get away with, how I can CTB out of revenge, etc. All it does is poses a danger to them. Its better if I commit suicide to spare people from my abuse

It's okay. Our close ones always want the best from us. Sometimes they make comments randomly without paying any attention that such words affect on us negatively. It isn't our fault that we were born in such way. I'm way too sensitive, this is how I was born and I can't act insensitive because this isn't me. So it's okay you're sensitive, nothing wrong of that. It's a sign for extra smartness and intelligence. Just know opportunities come and go, and you can always get a new door opened. The most important thing is to relax and calm your mind. You can call that company tomorrow and sort things out. If it works, it'd be great. if not, fine let it go, and you get another chance later.

Sending you much love and many hugs <3

 

[S like suicide]

This fucking disorder fucks with everything. I cannot do this anymore. I'm tired of going crazy and flipping out like this over small shit. I could have even said how I felt differently. But now I shut down like I always do

This is why I can't have friends. This is why I can't have anyone. Cause the min I feel bad I'll shut down and ruin things

Oh you don't know how much i understand you!:(

 

[Water-Lily]

Anyways, does anyone know how to get SN? I am going to drink it in an abandoned place and let myself die

 

[Livingvsdying25]

Anyways, does anyone know how to get SN? I am going to drink it in an abandoned place and let myself die

It's against the rules to supply this kinda info. If you do a quick search of the site It's p. easy to find.....

 

[FuneralCry]

Yeah, life really can be so cruel. Mental disorders really can destroy us and we can be tortured by our own thoughts. I wish you the best, nobody deserves to suffer in this life and we all deserve to find peace.

 

[Water-Lily]

Yeah, life really can be so cruel. Mental disorders really can destroy us and we can be tortured by our own thoughts. I wish you the best, nobody deserves to suffer in this life and we all deserve to find peace.

thank yuo. I know suicide is the right thing for me