Venting I can't feel better

[LinxLunar]

I was here a year ago, 24h deep into a SN protocol but I stopped because other people with me doing the protocol too told me to try and seek professionnal help. I did but nothing worked, being in a psychiatric hopital, talking to specialist, taking meds. I don't know anymore. I'm just feeling so empty.

I don't want to live. I'm trying, I'm fucking trying but I just don't want. I loved video games, now not a single game make me happy. I loved talking to people, but now it's just suffering, I just want to be alone with no responsibility. Just me myself and I listening to all day and sleep. But what I want is just to sleep 24h per day 365 days a year.

A girl fell in love with me in november, we talked a lot and I was regaining hapiness in a way, I was falling in love with her. But she decided to just ignore all my message, ignoring me in voice call while playing games. I decided to stop sending the first message and here I am, no response.

This was my last try, I already wanted to CTB again but was like "yeah, yk what I'll try again". And I shouldn't have.

I made a tiktok account to vent annonymously (https://www.tiktok.com/@nahidkanymore) but people just want to talk, talk again and talk. But I don't care.

I want her, she gave me that little spark for a week and now everything is gone. I just hate my life, it's been 7 years I want to CTB but it's going deeper and deeper each day.
thanks for reading.

 

[donttalktome]

I was depressed and suicidal for like 10 years and eventually it ruined my life in different ways. I also went through all the psychiatric mill, first best psychiatrists and therapists, then best hospital in the country, and in the end everybody said they can't help me after robbing me of all my money.
But what I wanted to tell you is that depression was the beginning of my life's downfall and I want to warn you against that. Because I thought it was bad all these years i was clawing at myself wanting to die. But then I couldn't take it anymore and started doing nonsense things like giving money away, that ruined my way of making money, my physical health collapsed completely, and in the end after a few years i ended up as a broke in-debt chronic pain riddled with diseases druggie with no future. So if your problems are strongly mental health related then I advise you to at least try to keep your problems at that level, because if you let yourself go and land in hell you can fall much lower than you thought humanly possible. Sorry if it's not helpful but I want to warn people about what can happen due to mental problems that not many experience luckily.

 

[LinxLunar]

I was depressed and suicidal for like 10 years and eventually it ruined my life in different ways. I also went through all the psychiatric mill, first best psychiatrists and therapists, then best hospital in the country, and in the end everybody said they can't help me after robbing me of all my money.
But what I wanted to tell you is that depression was the beginning of my life's downfall and I want to warn you against that. Because I thought it was bad all these years i was clawing at myself wanting to die. But then I couldn't take it anymore and started doing nonsense things like giving money away, that ruined my way of making money, my physical health collapsed completely, and in the end after a few years i ended up as a broke in-debt chronic pain riddled with diseases druggie with no future. So if your problems are strongly mental health related then I advise you to at least try to keep your problems at that level, because if you let yourself go and land in hell you can fall much lower than you thought humanly possible. Sorry if it's not helpful but I want to warn people about what can happen due to mental problems that not many experience luckily.

I think it's the most helpful response I have gotten in years. Thanks