I genuinely don't know if I could bring myself to CTB because of my family. My mom, especially. She miscarried 2-4 kids before having me (can't recall the exact number, she doesn't talk about it often for obvious reasons), and I was a challenge since I was extremely premature. I even technically died as a baby, but only for short periods.
There's other people in my life that this would crush too, but I always think first and foremost about my mom. I'm sure a lot of people here can relate, judging from the responses on threads about why people stick around. Mine is a multitude of things and my mom is a large part in that.
My cat too, she misses me when I'm gone, I can't imagine how she'd cope if I was gone permanently. I went on a trip a while back and she apparently searched my room daily for me, and when she couldn't find me, would sleep in the room for a bit and that just crushed me dude. It made me realize that if I ever did CTB, I would definitely hurt my cat too.
Finally, there's also friends, even online friends who I think would definitely miss my presence as well, though one knows about what I deal with and I think would understand, not that it would be much easier. A girl I'm also talking to would definitely be crushed. My friend I talk to somewhat frequently (couple times a week) and occasionally see in person would also be affected.
A lot of my stress is temporary I think, resulting from college and the uncertainty of early 20s. I'd rather work a low wage shitty job even with my CS degree that I'm pursuing before killing myself and hurting my family like that. And who knows, that may be what transpires, I have no clue what the future holds tbh, but I just needed to vent. I don't know if I'll ever CTB due to these reasons.
There's other people in my life that this would crush too, but I always think first and foremost about my mom. I'm sure a lot of people here can relate, judging from the responses on threads about why people stick around. Mine is a multitude of things and my mom is a large part in that.
My cat too, she misses me when I'm gone, I can't imagine how she'd cope if I was gone permanently. I went on a trip a while back and she apparently searched my room daily for me, and when she couldn't find me, would sleep in the room for a bit and that just crushed me dude. It made me realize that if I ever did CTB, I would definitely hurt my cat too.
Finally, there's also friends, even online friends who I think would definitely miss my presence as well, though one knows about what I deal with and I think would understand, not that it would be much easier. A girl I'm also talking to would definitely be crushed. My friend I talk to somewhat frequently (couple times a week) and occasionally see in person would also be affected.
A lot of my stress is temporary I think, resulting from college and the uncertainty of early 20s. I'd rather work a low wage shitty job even with my CS degree that I'm pursuing before killing myself and hurting my family like that. And who knows, that may be what transpires, I have no clue what the future holds tbh, but I just needed to vent. I don't know if I'll ever CTB due to these reasons.
