I can't even cry without being reminded how much of a disappointment i am.

[Circles]

If you ever heard the cliches 'man up' or 'stop being such a pussy' that's how I feel right now. I can't even cry without being reminded of every reason why I am the way I am. I'm just a scared boy in a man's body. Hell it's not even that I feel like a shell of a person who never was like I'm in a limbo state with very limited options. I'm conflicted as fuck I don't know what I really want to do anymore. I had a very bad panic attack earlier lasting about a few hours and I had to call in sick cause I probably would have done something I would've regretted. But that's just another excuse for my pathetic life. I just cannot believe I'm going to do it. It's like the shock you get before an oncoming crash. I'm trying my best to numb it all out via weed, beer and pills but gosh damnit I'm tired of feeling like this. I'm shaking like a leaf, I'm scared, I'm... I don't know what I should feel.

 

[couldntthinkofaname]

dont worry


maybe your brain just isnt working right

not your fault

 

[MachineGunDani]

Yup! Some people think depression is a choice and that u should just buck up and deal lol they don't get it

 

[Circles]

dont worry


maybe your brain just isnt working right

not your fault

That's all I do is worry sadly. And I feel like it's part of my fault at the very least. Like where did I go wrong? Did I ever make a decision free of my choosing? It's like every event is sequenced to making sure I fail and feel like a miserable twat every damn day. Fuck my brain.

 

[Circles]

Yup! Some people think depression is a choice and that u should just buck up and deal lol they don't get it

Damn straight. Just when I think I've hit my lowest point I find out it gets deeper.

 

[couldntthinkofaname]

Damn straight. Just when I think I've hit my lowest point I find out it gets deeper.

there is no rock bottom

 

[MachineGunDani]

Damn straight. Just when I think I've hit my lowest point I find out it gets deeper.

Ugh I kno. It's horrible

 

[satou]

I can't cry when I want to, because society conditioned (read: bullied) me not to do it, ever. I can't remember the last time I spontaneously cried of sadness (while not on drugs...), it only ever seems to happen in combination with rage.

 

[itsallover]

I'm a bigger loser than you are. I can't work or have a social life because of my condition. I just numb myself with pills all day waiting for surgery tomorrow give me my life back. I have cried many times about this nightmare I'm living in. Everything was going great for me until a medical fuckup. Now I'm completely stuck living at home like some rat off disability. I hope I am well compensated for all my pain and suffering in a lawsuit,but the thought of living this way till I die naturally is horrifying. No amount of money can replace your health. I will feel like the luckiest person if I can fix this. At least you're working and independent. That's all I want.

 

[throwaway123]

Don't worry. I feel the same way. You're not alone.

Overcoming fear is a hard process that takes time. It is not easy.