Venting I can't do this anymore....

[Return2themoonlight]

I have been going through literal hell for the past 2 years without a break. Im so tired of being here that I no longer care about the method as long as it gets the job done. I admitted to my fucked up mental to the point that everyone who was close to me now looks at me with disgust. Secrets that I never knew were finally spoken on in the open and admitted to and I can't live with that in my head. My mind and will is all types of destroyed that I just want to ctb in the fastest way possible... But unfortunately, that's not possible for me or at least its not possible to do alone. I have no resources to commit the act and nobody to partner with. Pretty soon, ima say fuck it and find the quickest route and end it regardless of how horrific it looks. I want to cry so bad.... If only I had a partner that can come and get me so we can ctb together, all would be well, or if I had the resources to do it all in one night and end it without chances of survival. I know my tipping point is coming and Im going to take the first chance I get.

 

[narayana0121]

Thought I should leave a reply so you feel heard.

I came back to this platform after a whole year of trying to improve my mental health, to stop being such a shut in introvert, go out more, etc. It works every now and then, i feel happy at times, but i always just revert backwards to these depressive episodes. It feels like no matter how hard I try, ill never escape the feeling of being lesser than everyone.
Im currently a college student. Ive felt like this all throughout high school. Naiive me thought it would get better in college, but alas I am here again.
I dont know your exact situation, maybe you have it way worse than me, but I understand what youre going through. I'm basically also fully commited to ending it at this point. Just need to weigh my options.

Sending love from here, stay strong.

 

[Return2themoonlight]

Thought I should leave a reply so you feel heard.

I came back to this platform after a whole year of trying to improve my mental health, to stop being such a shut in introvert, go out more, etc. It works every now and then, i feel happy at times, but i always just revert backwards to these depressive episodes. It feels like no matter how hard I try, ill never escape the feeling of being lesser than everyone.
Im currently a college student. Ive felt like this all throughout high school. Naiive me thought it would get better in college, but alas I am here again.
I dont know your exact situation, maybe you have it way worse than me, but I understand what youre going through. I'm basically also fully commited to ending it at this point. Just need to weigh my options.

Sending love from here, stay strong.

I highly appreciate it, and its crazy cause that was me too. I came back after a month or 2 I believe and in that time I had got a new job, new friends, and everything but as always the dark forces of my life wont let me go and I always end up in something to the point I said fuck it and became the enemy. No longer will my reason to stay be bigger than my reason to go.

It truly does suck to feel this way but I'll be alright soon enough... I highly appreciate you taking the time to show that I was heard. Much love and blessings to you too, Hope all goes well with you and you exceed in life.

Oh yea, it never matters who had the worst life cause we all ended up in the same place together, with the same wish/desire.

 

[SVEN]

Many of us hear and understand, it's just so difficult to know what to say. Other than to send you good wishes and hope you manage to achieve peace.

 

[Return2themoonlight]

Many of us hear and understand, it's just so difficult to know what to say. Other than to send you good wishes and hope you manage to achieve peace.

That is extremely true, that's why the best that can be done is to simply show that they were heard and show that you can relate to their feelings. I feel that's what a lot of us wished for at some point in time but things happened that showed us otherwise.

I highly appreciate you also and hope everything works out in you life. We might not know each others life stories but it can be learned over time to grant ease over what we don't have in real life and that's someone to talk to without ridicule or judgement, just plane understanding.

 

[inmyhead]

I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in this and you're in my thoughts. I know how hard it is when you feel so devoid of hope. I hope you find peace, whatever that may be and I'm sending hugs your way.

 

[Return2themoonlight]

I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in this and you're in my thoughts. I know how hard it is when you feel so devoid of hope. I hope you find peace, whatever that may be and I'm sending hugs your way.

Thank you, I highly appreciate your words. Ill stay strong until my deadline
Blessings and love to you my friend.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existing really is so dreadful, I hope that you eventually find freedom from your suffering.

 

[Return2themoonlight]

Existing really is so dreadful, I hope that you eventually find freedom from your suffering.

Thank you so much, I highly appreciate it