leninitsbeenaweek
New Member
- Dec 14, 2023
- 4
so hi friends, i've been lurking on this site for a while but i've only been able to register not too long ago. decided to post here cause i don't know where to go or who to talk to anymore.
my whole life, i've suffered from horrible things and mental health problems but i've never really had problems with friends/socials until recently. i've had multiple suicide attempts and i've even participated in dangerous activities (not going to elaborate but let's just say that those activities could've instantly killed me but i'm stupidly alive). anyway, recently, i guess my mental health problem got the better of me and i was able to deeply hurt a person important to me. what made it worse was that we are in the same circle and i think word has gotten around and i basically don't have anyone anymore. I have always been a survivor and i've always had strength to confront what's in front of me--but holy shit, for you to lose almost everyone and have no one to back you up is such a crazy, hurtful feeling. no "how are yous" or "were you able to go home" or stuff like that.
i'm currently on multiple mental health meds and i'm badly trying to be better but i'm just so fucking debilitated and distressed knowing that even if i go through this problem, there will be loads more to come. problems won't end--and i can't just find the good things anymore. i know that i'm too horrible of a person to live and no matter how hard i try, i will always be a fucking horrible person. i cannot get over my shitload of traumas. i just cannot be better. does anyone feel this? i mean, i don't want to do the whole "self-pity" thing but i just cannot do this anymore. like fuck me in the ass why do i have to be here.
today, i am going to try to look for sources of SN (surprisingly, you can find it in my country easily). i have found multiple instructions on how to do it. i will be updating if i am able to finally do it. but well, wish me luck.
my whole life, i've suffered from horrible things and mental health problems but i've never really had problems with friends/socials until recently. i've had multiple suicide attempts and i've even participated in dangerous activities (not going to elaborate but let's just say that those activities could've instantly killed me but i'm stupidly alive). anyway, recently, i guess my mental health problem got the better of me and i was able to deeply hurt a person important to me. what made it worse was that we are in the same circle and i think word has gotten around and i basically don't have anyone anymore. I have always been a survivor and i've always had strength to confront what's in front of me--but holy shit, for you to lose almost everyone and have no one to back you up is such a crazy, hurtful feeling. no "how are yous" or "were you able to go home" or stuff like that.
i'm currently on multiple mental health meds and i'm badly trying to be better but i'm just so fucking debilitated and distressed knowing that even if i go through this problem, there will be loads more to come. problems won't end--and i can't just find the good things anymore. i know that i'm too horrible of a person to live and no matter how hard i try, i will always be a fucking horrible person. i cannot get over my shitload of traumas. i just cannot be better. does anyone feel this? i mean, i don't want to do the whole "self-pity" thing but i just cannot do this anymore. like fuck me in the ass why do i have to be here.
today, i am going to try to look for sources of SN (surprisingly, you can find it in my country easily). i have found multiple instructions on how to do it. i will be updating if i am able to finally do it. but well, wish me luck.
