_Vasa&Me_
Out of vigour for life
- Nov 27, 2025
- 32
I have no more strength left in me. I barely eat, I barely sleep, I don't go out, I don't do much besides laying in bed like an absolute failure that I am, I just want to fall asleep forever and forget about this world once and for all, I don't care about what happens next, I just don't want what I have now, I want an escape, I want it all to stop, please I just cant do it anymore, life is too painful and hard for me.
What little energy and motivation I have to get out of bed and do absolutely anything is wasted on my goddamn OCD rituals, I cannot recharge myself to go further than that, everyday is the same, I cant get out of it, I am slowly killing myself one way or another.
I have dropped 2 courses out of 4 this semester, and will most likely fail 1 of the 2 remaining ones, which could have been easily prevented, but everyday since the start of semester I just watch my clock run shorter and shorter each day, realizing what I am doing is wrong, but without an ability to stop it, I feel like such a failure.
I don't even know why am I writing all this, how can someone even help me in such a situation, that too is probably a waste of time again, that I should be using to better myself or do that goddamn course work instead, all of which I am aware about but unable to do.
I guess I just wanted someone to be able to hear me for once, as I am keeping all of this inside myself and sometimes I feel like I will explode inside my head with all these thoughts.
Oh yep, there ya go, just started crying again. This is the life all these idiotic pro lifers preach is worth living? Seriously? 60+ more years of this? I cant imagine a more severe punishment.
Why continue living when you never lived to begin with, there is no good ending like its some movie…
What little energy and motivation I have to get out of bed and do absolutely anything is wasted on my goddamn OCD rituals, I cannot recharge myself to go further than that, everyday is the same, I cant get out of it, I am slowly killing myself one way or another.
I have dropped 2 courses out of 4 this semester, and will most likely fail 1 of the 2 remaining ones, which could have been easily prevented, but everyday since the start of semester I just watch my clock run shorter and shorter each day, realizing what I am doing is wrong, but without an ability to stop it, I feel like such a failure.
I don't even know why am I writing all this, how can someone even help me in such a situation, that too is probably a waste of time again, that I should be using to better myself or do that goddamn course work instead, all of which I am aware about but unable to do.
I guess I just wanted someone to be able to hear me for once, as I am keeping all of this inside myself and sometimes I feel like I will explode inside my head with all these thoughts.
Oh yep, there ya go, just started crying again. This is the life all these idiotic pro lifers preach is worth living? Seriously? 60+ more years of this? I cant imagine a more severe punishment.
Why continue living when you never lived to begin with, there is no good ending like its some movie…
