Venting I can't do that to my family

[whatevs]

Today was a tough day and made me realize how tired I am of being me, of trying to carve an acceptable life. It made me think about the peaceful (?) prospect of leaving the scenary, leaving the coliseum.

But when I feel that the strongest I also can picture what it would do to my family. I can't do it.

 

[Julgran]

Today was a tough day and made me realize how tired I am of being me, of trying to carve an acceptable life. It made me think about the peaceful (?) prospect of leaving the scenary, leaving the coliseum.

But when I feel that the strongest I also can picture what it would do to my family. I can't do it.

You are only human. Don't do anything that doesn't feel right to you - even though that goes against your feelings of being tired of your current life. That option will still exist later on if you decide not to follow through with it now.

 

[tiredplant777]

I am in the same boat. I've been hanging on for my parents because it would totally destroy them and I want to live by my own ethos of 'do no harm' even if it's hard on me. So I am waiting.

 

[nixdeath]

Not for my family, but specifically my brother. He is my favorite person in the world, and we have a special relationship that would ruin him. It leaves me feeling terrible knowing I'll have to live for so much longer. I might end up doing it anyway if things get too bad.

 

[HopefulButPrepared]

Today was a tough day and made me realize how tired I am of being me, of trying to carve an acceptable life. It made me think about the peaceful (?) prospect of leaving the scenary, leaving the coliseum.

But when I feel that the strongest I also can picture what it would do to my family. I can't do it.

The less you care about being here, the more risks you can take, because you have less to lose, and paradoxically, that willingness to take more risks due to having less to lose, less to fear, can result in you doing more than the average scaredy-cat, and finding something meaningful to stick around for - there are a lot of paradoxes like this in life - fear is the biggest dream destroyer, I don't think anyone can contest that, but if you're less scared because you care less about losing your life, it can result in you taking the risks required to find that thing that makes you love your life, and find your life meaningful, and want to stick around... maybe there are benefits to how you feel currently.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I don't know, but, to me, just as you shouldn't live your life for anyone else, nor, too, should you cease to live for anyone else. Just my 2 ¢ .

 

[StrangePossum]

I can relate so much... On one hand, I would not be around to see how it would affect my family, so why should I care so much? But on the other hand, I can't just make myself not care... I wish there were a way to tell them beforehand somehow or prepare them. I wish that they could somehow understand a decision like that and respect it, so that we could have some sort of closure. That would make things so much easier.

 

[nico1420]

I'm sort of un the dame place, i could have done it last night but Didn't find the courage, that and picturing my family suffering did the trick, i guess SI scored a point there hehe

 

[September Salt]

I don't want to hurt my family either but I'm probably going to die before them even if I don't ctb. If I can write in my goodbye that it wasn't their fault, maybe that and the money I'm leaving them will ease the pain.

 

[guandbu]

Not for my family, but specifically my brother. He is my favorite person in the world, and we have a special relationship that would ruin him. It leaves me feeling terrible knowing I'll have to live for so much longer. I might end up doing it anyway if things get too bad.

I'm in the same boat. I love my brother dearly and he would miss me the most. Don't know what I could do to make it easier on him.

 

[Message In A Bottle]

I can relate to what you said immensely - it's exhausting having to keep up the facade around neurotypicals.

When I think of what it'll do to my parents it does fill me with dread.

Though on the other hand...we will all have to face death one day. I'd just be accelerating the process

Hopefully before it reaches the point where I have to face the effects of aging.

 

[jaydin72]

That's OK you don't need to feel a certain way. Some people are happier living for others than themselves