Venting I can't do it

[Frew]

I'm so depressed, anxious and full of despair all the time but i still can't get the courage to end my life. I booked a hotel at the weekend and brought SN but still couldn't go through with it. This has been going on for 3 weeks now. The closest I've managed is to take the tagamet and meto (horrible side affects, never again) and make up the sn solution. I've tried this a couple of times now. But I can't go through with it.

I realise that as much as I want to die and the panic I feel about being alive, it maybe isn't my time. I'm trying to make peace with that but it's so difficult.

I wouldn't wish this on anyone, it's such an awful place to be. I feel like I have one foot in life and one foot out :(

 

[threenines]

If you are having doubts, then don't do it.
Use it as a sign.
Take the time now to evaluate what you want, you never know what is about to happen, something may change very soon in the future that would make you reconsider.

 

[Frew]

If you are having doubts, then don't do it.
Use it as a sign.
Take the time now to evaluate what you want, you never know what is about to happen, something may change very soon in the future that would make you reconsider.

Thank you. I dont think anything will change. But I am taking it as a sign and going to try to improve things.

 

[threenines]

Thank you. I dont think anything will change. But I am taking it as a sign and going to try to improve things.

That's all we can do, try and improve things.
One small step at a time, and then before you know it you've climbed a mountain and things don't look so bad :)
We can only go up from here!

 

[foxdie]

Take your time friend, no need to rush. You can ctb whenever and it's a huge decision so it's totally normal to have doubts. I feel the same way, unable to live but unable to die. Sending hugs in this difficult time

 

[ecmnesia]

don't force yourself. with time the answers that surrounds ctb will come for you. you already have everything, there is no need to rush.

personally, even after sorting myself out with death and leaving loved ones, close to my date i found out there was still a few things within me to solve. and it's frustrating cause now they are sorted and i missed my chance, but it's ok too. i will have another opportunity. i came to found that ctb depends on the alignment of several of variables to happen. one day, you will have everything that's needed. don't be harsh on yourself because it hasn't come yet. eventually, if that's really the path you want to take, it will happen.

 

[_Kaira_]

If you're feeling uneasy to go through with it, it is more than fine to take a step back and give it a little while longer.
Happy you're still here with us despite the problems you face.

CTB is a big and permanent decision if you're successful. Only go through if you're 100% certain that it's your time.