Venting I can't do it!

[Lycan]

I've been waiting for it to get cold all year so I could jump in the freezing water like I discussed in my very first post here. It's been really cold here recently. But each night I haven't been able to do it. I'm desperate to die. But I just can't do it. Now it's getting warmer again.

 

[DyingToDie123]

I know the feeling, I've visited the bridge I planned to jump off of 4 times and couldn't get myself to do it each time. SI is a bitch.

 

[chocosyrup]

Yeah, I get you.
Next time you have a shot at doing it, maybe think of all the times you've wanted to do it and failed, think of the pain you've been through and all the regret you felt when you never did it, and of course, think of how you'd be free.
I get it, SI is a dick, but we can fight it and I hope you find it easier to find freedom soon.

 

[Lycan]

I know the feeling, I've visited the bridge I planned to jump off of 4 times and couldn't get myself to do it each time. SI is a bitch.

At least you can get to the bridge. I can't bring myself to leave the house to walk to the lake right down the street.

 

[DyingToDie123]

At least you can get to the bridge. I can't bring myself to leave the house to walk to the lake right down the street.

It's hard, I think I just felt kinda desperate. But I knew deep down I didn't have the guts too, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to get myself to.

 

[Lycan]

Yeah, I get you.
Next time you have a shot at doing it, maybe think of all the times you've wanted to do it and failed, think of the pain you've been through and all the regret you felt when you never did it, and of course, think of how you'd be free.
I get it, SI is a dick, but we can fight it and I hope you find it easier to find freedom soon.

I'll keep that in mind. But I feel scared of the pain I'm going to feel when I hit the cold water. That I will die cold and alone in the most literal sense of the word. Also will their be just nothing waiting for me? Or worse will I go to an even worse Hell?

 

[chocosyrup]

I'll keep that in mind. But I feel scared of the pain I'm going to feel when I hit the cold water. That I will die cold and alone in the most literal sense of the word. Also will their be just nothing waiting for me? Or worse will I go to an even worse Hell?

It seems you're quite desperate to do this, but don't forget that many others before you have done this too and if there is an afterlife, perhaps it's one that will be all welcoming, we don't know.
As for the pain, some advice is that you can try and relax - understanding that it's a key part of your freedom.
You could also consider other methods, as you said, it is starting to get warmer in some areas. Are you absolutely sure about this method?

 

[Leeroy14R]

At least you can get to the bridge. I can't bring myself to leave the house to walk to the lake right down the street.
Yeah I'll keep that in mind. But I also think of the pain I'll feel when I jump in the freezing water. I also can't help but be afraid that an even worse Hell than the one I'm already in will be waiting for me.

Tried the lake method doesn't really work, after all humans can float. But If you want to go through with it, don't wear heavy clothing, such as a jacket and stuff.

 

[lebrodude]

Survival Instinct is a massive thing to overcome. Don't beat yourself up that you couldn't get past it, most suicidal people can't.

 

[venomousSSërpent74]

I agree with what chocosyrup said think of the pain you went through and try to be as relaxed as possible maybe even listen to some music before your ctb to help calm your nerves more and build your courage

 

[Lycan]

It seems you're quite desperate to do this, but don't forget that many others before you have done this too and if there is an afterlife, perhaps it's one that will be all welcoming, we don't know.
As for the pain, some advice is that you can try and relax - understanding that it's a key part of your freedom.
You could also consider other methods, as you said, it is starting to get warmer in some areas. Are you absolutely sure about this method?

I can't really think of another good method. I tried the whole toaster in the bathtub trick back in April 2018. It didn't work and I got put in a mental ward where I got verbally abused humiliated by one of the staff. I came out of that shithole worse than I went in.

I agree with what chocosyrup said think of the pain you went through and try to be as relaxed as possible maybe even listen to some music before your ctb to help calm your nerves more and build your courage

What music would be best?

 

[chocosyrup]

I can't really think of another good method. I tried the whole toaster in the bathtub trick back in April 2018. It didn't work and I got put in a mental ward where I got verbally abused humiliated by one of the staff. I came out of that shithole worse than I went in.

What music would be best?

Well, if you have money I could suggest maybe something like overdose, it will be a lot less painful.
As for music, anything that you find comforting would be great - maybe something like a song you've loved since you were younger or just a song you really enjoy in general.

 

[Lycan]

Well, if you have money I could suggest maybe something like overdose, it will be a lot less painful.
As for music, anything that you find comforting would be great - maybe something like a song you've loved since you were younger or just a song you really enjoy in general.

I'm an unemployed disabled invalid. I live with my parents. I don't have any money of my own.

 

[chocosyrup]

I'm an unemployed invalid. I live with my parents. I don't have any money of my own.

I see.. in that case alot of methods are crossed out, you could try via hanging - doesn't necessarily need to be at your home (because of your parents) but if you have a forest or something near by you could try it there?

 

[Lycan]

I see.. in that case alot of methods are crossed out, you could try via hanging - doesn't necessarily need to be at your home (because of your parents) but if you have a forest or something near by you could try it there?

I don't know of any rope around here. Plus I never got the hang of Tying a knot. Besides I'm over weight. The rope would probably snap.

 

[chocosyrup]

I can only really think of jumping then, or you can stick with your original method - but from what I've heard it's got a low success

Jumping has a higher chance of succeeding and you won't feel any pain as it's basically instantaneous (so, once you've started SI can't really get in the way)

 

[Lycan]

I can only really think of jumping then, or you can stick with your original method - but from what I've heard it's got a low success

Jumping has a higher chance of succeeding and you won't feel any pain as it's basically instantaneous (so, once you've started SI can't really get in the way)

I was on a rooftop back in 2016. I'm kicking myself for not jumping then.

 

[chocosyrup]

I was on a rooftop back in 2016. I'm kicking myself for not jumping then.

That's a shame. Are there no chances to go back there? Or any other places you can go up?

 

[SpaxeZ]

I've been waiting for it to get cold all year so I could jump in the freezing water like I discussed in my very first post here. It's been really cold here recently. But each night I haven't been able to do it. I'm desperate to die. But I just can't do it. Now it's getting warmer again.

I'm just afraid of failing my attempt that I'm not jumping. The best for me would be a to find a boat to get myself to the middle

 

[Lycan]

That's a shame. Are there no chances to go back there? Or any other places you can g

What am I gonna do walk to Chicago?

I'm just afraid of failing my attempt that I'm not jumping. The best for me would be a to find a boat to get myself to the middle

I don't have a boat.

 

[chocosyrup]

What am I gonna do walk to Chicago?

Apologies, I didn't know how far away the rooftop you were talking about was.

 

[Lycan]

Apologies, I didn't know how far away the rooftop you were talking about was.

No Problem. My apologies to you.

 

[paroxysm]

maybe give yourself some time to mentally prepare yourself? for my attempt i gave myself 2 days to think about my method and trying to cope with SI.

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly understand that it's so dreadful feeling trapped in this existence, I hate how it's so difficult to die, it's cruel how we cannot easily be free from all the suffering in peace. But anyway I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for, best wishes.

 

[LetMeBeSad]

This sucks. I have tried many times in the past using different methods. I was even a licensed gun owner at one point and put a shotgun with a 3" 00 buckshot magnum load to my head dozens of times over the span of a year. Could not pull the trigger.

I tried holding the barrel and smashing the stock on the ground while I looked down the barrel at the cartridge. As if an accidental discharge was better somehow, than me doing it myself.

Thumb on the trigger, safety off, ammunition selection was perfect, shotgun had great ergonomics. I had access to this perfect setup many times. I am still here.

If I had any great advice to get over it, I'd probably be dead by now. The only thing I feel like I could do is get a DNR, live dangerously, and hope for the best.