Venting I Can't Cope

[WinterFaust]

All of my attempts at recovery have been half-assed. They last a few days and then I'm back to lying in bed, not eating, not doing anything for weeks on end. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know why I can't try. I've asked for advice for months. But the problem is me.

On good days, I'll eat 500-800 calories. I'll sleep more than 2 hours. Maybe I'll even shower and clean up a little and leave my room. That's a good day. I don't have many good days. I haven't had a good day in a while.

I've been like this for the better part of a year. Unemployed, friendless, not eating. I'm 26 and I was dropped by friends and my ex a year ago because I'm nuts and I was a burden. And where I am now, a year later, thin and weak, physical issues from not eating for so long, suffering from hearing loss the last six months, just being a burden on my mom who says she can't deal with me anymore.

I'm a failure. I brought this on myself. If I didn't quit my job those months ago, if I pushed myself to eat and try to stay healthy, if I wasn't so pathetic and weak, things would be different. At least someone would be there to care for at least two days after I die.

 

[Thatdude]

You're obviously going through depression. Have you taken anything for it?

 

[Good4Nothing]

You're not friendless.
I know how hard it is to swim up to the surface when depression is dragging you into the black abyss.
But it can be done. Sometimes it just takes time. Other times you need a little help from a friend.
What can I do to help?

 

[WinterFaust]

You're obviously going through depression. Have you taken anything for it?

I got diagnosed as bipolar last year after an anti-depressant triggered mania so I was trying different meds until February. I haven't really been able to leave my home since March either, before covid I mean. It's just been hard.

You're not friendless.
I know how hard it is to swim up to the surface when depression is dragging you into the black abyss.
But it can be done. Sometimes it just takes time. Other times you need a little help from a friend.
What can I do to help?

You're way too kind. Thank you. I don't know what can help. I've gotten some good practical advice over these last months. I've been like this for too long. It's embarrassing.

 

[Nolye]

I'm sorry you're feeling like this, I know it's not easy. I can't really give you an advice, since I'm pretty much in the same situation (especially the friendless and jobless part), but hey! if you ever feel like talking, I'm here to listen.

 

[WinterFaust]

I'm sorry you're feeling like this, I know it's not easy. I can't really give you an advice, since I'm pretty much in the same situation (especially the friendless and jobless part), but hey! if you ever feel like talking, I'm here to listen.

Thank you so much. I appreciate it :)