I can't choose between medically assisted death or full on suicide

[DCLXVI]

I live in Minnesota, which is not a state that has the Death With Dignity Act in place.
That being said, Canada has options for MAID that (I think) I'm eligible for, from what I've been researching. I have borderline personality disorder like a motherfucker, but if I can't roll with that yet, I'm gonna roll with my vascular Ehlers Danlos diagnosis.

The biggest issue/decision I'm facing is the amount of time it's going to take to make sure I have everything in order to be eligible (i.e. I'll probably have to establish residency, probably have to set up appointments with medical professionals in Canada, etc.)
And I really don't want to wait, but if I kill myself, my siblings (which I raised) won't receive my life insurance. I want to make sure they'll be okay without me, because our mother is a damn joke. They don't live in the same state as me anymore, but I still support my autistic brother financially (my mom abducted him and refuses to do anything other than neglect him now) and I know they won't get any sort of inheritance from our mother.

That whole "death is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" saying is absolute bullshit. Life IS the problem, and that problem won't stop until I'm dead.
I feel selfish, but at the same time, just like anyone else, I can only take so much. Life has constantly been terrible, ever since my earliest memories. My one glimmer of hope was ripped away from me in the most horrible way. I'm literally suffering mentally and physically and I'm so tired of fighting these battles in a losing war.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds like you've suffered so much, I hope that you eventually find the freedom you are searching for.

 

[Hotsackage]

Canada paused it again for mental health, I don't know if it will ever be actually legalized there. Lots of pro lifers, who think they know what severe mental illness is like.

 

[rozeske]

Am so sorry this really is a tough spot to be in. Having to commit suicide is not easy and comes with it's own stress of letting go of life, beating your own SI, reliability of methods, failure, hurt of loved ones....the list goes on and on but on top of all that being in your situation and having to make that decision....I honestly don't know what I would do or what i would advice you. I wish you all the strength and send you a big virtual hug I hope you are able to find your peace in your decisions, whatever they maybe

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry to hear about your suffering, and yes people who claim that death is a permanent solution to a temporary problem are a crock of shit.

Canada paused it again for mental health, I don't know if it will ever be actually legalized there. Lots of pro lifers, who think they know what severe mental illness is like.

Yeah, just recently they did and it's very disheartening. Furthermore, I heard that most providers tend to have a slight lean towards conservative values, which only further complicates matters even more... In fact, it even changed my mind about moving to Canada (not that I could make it work due to the cost of living to begin with).

 

[unfixable]

I am in the same boat, not every problem is temporary or solvable. Some are life sentences, like chronic illnesses. The wait list for MAID in my province for non terminal was 2 years and closed. That's in a city with one of the highest number of medical workers in the country. Even then you would have to luck out and find multiple doctors who give a damn about your suffering. Chances of that occuring are so slim unless you have a really popular illness, doctors won't listen to simply how much suffering you are going through to determine whether or not to care.

The media finds these rarest of unicorns who have the absolute privilege of leaving this world in peace and who selfishly whine to the media that they have to choose MAID. The dishonest media then twists this and makes it seem like MAID is accessible to everyone, like ordering a pizza when in reality very very very few ever get that chance. They make it seem like MAID is being forced upon people and that had MAID not existed that these peoples suffering would magically go away like some fairy tale.

In some, maybe most, they give the doctor providing MAID only like $50 to do the assessment which may take the doctor months of work. They expect doctors to not only perform this difficult task but to take a loss while doing so. It's why so few will perform MAID for non terminal illnesses.

I know your pain, and I know the impossible choice you are faced with. My heart goes out to you. I am truly sorry.

 

[Rational man]

I have a similar dilemma..The cost to organise assistance in dying is big, as it is illegal in UK. I would have to travel overseas. I don't have many other options but to die horribly in dysfunctional NHS system. I don't see death as failure, rather a natural cessation of life and cessation of suffering.

 

[DCLXVI]

Canada paused it again for mental health, I don't know if it will ever be actually legalized there. Lots of pro lifers, who think they know what severe mental illness is like.

Yeah, but like I said, I'll just roll with my vEDS if I can't do it because of BPD. I'm a little over half way to the usual life expectancy of 50 years, but my condition has gotten pretty severe even within the last couple years.

I have a similar dilemma..The cost to organise assistance in dying is big, as it is illegal in UK. I would have to travel overseas. I don't have many other options but to die horribly in dysfunctional NHS system. I don't see death as failure, rather a natural cessation of life and cessation of suffering.

The cost truly is insane. The death with dignity act should be free, imo. Granted, that wouldn't cover the cost to travel, but why bother charging someone who's going to be dead? I understand it just goes down to whoever is next of kin, but why??? You know? As if the family and the person themselves isn't suffering enough already.

 

[mortuarymary]

If you move states, do you have to be there a while to apply for euthanasia

 

[Chronicoverwhelm]

Mental illnesses do not yet qualify for MAID in Canada.