I cant carry this anymore

[Wildsages]

Compared to some of the stories on this sight my life seems kind of normal, better, then the rest at least. Although, to the people around me I'd say otherwise, their lives seem nearly perfect. Worse I've heard was about some divorces. I grew up without real parenting, being in an orphanage, being lost of love. My life started picking up when I moved to Minnesota when the court finally let me and my mother be together again. She ended up being angry and was verbally abusive towards me ever since. I cant do anything about it though. I don't want to lose my mother as weird as it may sound.

I have always had suicide in the back of my mind. Even way back in seventh-eighth grade. It keeps getting worse and worse. I just honestly do not think I can keep using all my energy everyday to make others happy then come home dull lifeless and exhausted dreading the next day to come.

Why is it us that have to suffer? Why cant it be everyone.

 

[Ark]

I am sorry for what you have had to, and still are enduring. Life in and of itself is sometimes not only unfair, but even cruel. I hope you start to feel better.

 

[Wildsages]

I am sorry for what you have had to, and still are enduring. Life in and of itself is sometimes not only unfair, but even cruel. I hope you start to feel better.

thank you- i do too.

 

[jgm63]

Compared to some of the stories on this sight my life seems kind of normal, better, then the rest at least. Although, to the people around me I'd say otherwise, their lives seem nearly perfect. Worse I've heard was about some divorces. I grew up without real parenting, being in an orphanage, being lost of love. My life started picking up when I moved to Minnesota when the court finally let me and my mother be together again. She ended up being angry and was verbally abusive towards me ever since. I cant do anything about it though. I don't want to lose my mother as weird as it may sound.

I have always had suicide in the back of my mind. Even way back in seventh-eighth grade. It keeps getting worse and worse. I just honestly do not think I can keep using all my energy everyday to make others happy then come home dull lifeless and exhausted dreading the next day to come.

Why is it us that have to suffer? Why cant it be everyone.

It may be that you are actually more spiritually evolved than others, and are therefore given more difficult situations by life. People who seem to have life easier might have to go through the same things as you in their next life.... So actually, you are perhaps ahead of them, and may reach spiritual freedom before they do....

But that doesn't make things easier or better for you in the here and now, so let's see if any of those things can be improved upon...

Are you sure you need to make others happy ?
That might be the biggest mistake you can make.
Perhaps you should just be what you are.
Over the long term that will serve you very well, and eventually others will be envious of you, and will wish they had done the same....
Perhaps you should make friends with people you really feel a connection with ?
If in your heart you feel that certain people lack depth and are shallow, then you should listen to that voice within you, because it is telling you the truth, and you should keep your distance from those people....

Having verbal abuse from your mother is a bad thing.
However, to be able to make a fair judgement I would need to understand the exact dynamics of the situation, eg are you doing anything that might add "fuel to the fire" ?
I'm not saying you are, but it would need to be checked because otherwise me might put full blame on your mother when the situation may be more complex.
If you wanted to elaborate further then please feel free...

Assuming the blame lies mainly with your mother, then :

If you've tried to reason with your mother, and tried to help her improve or seek help, and nothing is improving, then I wonder whether there's any way you can escape from that situation...
I'm not very clued up on what your legal options might be, so perhaps someone who knows better can make some suggestions... I wonder if @Jean4 has any thoughts, or can suggest another member who could join the discussion to offer their wisdom.....
I suppose one option is to just "bide your time", and practice "damage limitation" to try and make the best of it, until such time as you can become more independent and move out to go to college, or take a job.
However, that would depend on how severe the verbal abuse is....
I suppose these situations are complex, and it would take a lengthy discussion to really understand all the subtle dynamics, to be able to try to think of the most appropriate solutions....
If you wanted to discuss these things further in a PM, then I'm sure there are many people on this site who would be happy to talk to you.... Or you could post more information on this thread if you wanted.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

I've also had suicide in the back of my mind since elementary school.
And believe me when I say this everyone is suffering--just in different ways.
I've had problems with my mom ( I wish she didn't have me) and I still actually get along with her on most days so in many ways I relate to your story.
You can PM if you want and we can talk about it. You're not alone in this

 

[Jean4]

It may be that you are actually more spiritually evolved than others, and are therefore given more difficult situations by life. People who seem to have life easier might have to go through the same things as you in their next life.... So actually, you are perhaps ahead of them, and may reach spiritual freedom before they do....

But that doesn't make things easier or better for you in the here and now, so let's see if any of those things can be improved upon...

Are you sure you need to make others happy ?
That might be the biggest mistake you can make.
Perhaps you should just be what you are.
Over the long term that will serve you very well, and eventually others will be envious of you, and will wish they had done the same....
Perhaps you should make friends with people you really feel a connection with ?
If in your heart you feel that certain people lack depth and are shallow, then you should listen to that voice within you, because it is telling you the truth, and you should keep your distance from those people....

Having verbal abuse from your mother is a bad thing.
However, to be able to make a fair judgement I would need to understand the exact dynamics of the situation, eg are you doing anything that might add "fuel to the fire" ?
I'm not saying you are, but it would need to be checked because otherwise me might put full blame on your mother when the situation may be more complex.
If you wanted to elaborate further then please feel free...

Assuming the blame lies mainly with your mother, then :

If you've tried to reason with your mother, and tried to help her improve or seek help, and nothing is improving, then I wonder whether there's any way you can escape from that situation...
I'm not very clued up on what your legal options might be, so perhaps someone who knows better can make some suggestions... I wonder if @Jean4 has any thoughts, or can suggest another member who could join the discussion to offer their wisdom.....
I suppose one option is to just "bide your time", and practice "damage limitation" to try and make the best of it, until such time as you can become more independent and move out to go to college, or take a job.
However, that would depend on how severe the verbal abuse is....
I suppose these situations are complex, and it would take a lengthy discussion to really understand all the subtle dynamics, to be able to try to think of the most appropriate solutions....
If you wanted to discuss these things further in a PM, then I'm sure there are many people on this site who would be happy to talk to you.... Or you could post more information on this thread if you wanted.

I'm a 9/11 First Responder. My job was to wrap dead bodies, body parts etc. Am I more spiritually evolved after what I saw? Who knows.

I was one of the original AIDS workers before Princess Di made it fashionable, and counseled more people that I can count at the Hemlock Society prior to them CTB. The book The Final Exit was my Bible.

Death has been my entire life.

When my partner CTB, yes I did beg for him not to. Why? Yes I am Pro Choice. However, as my partner knew as I was doing it, I did it for me, so I wouldn't feel any guilt about him doing so. He thought it was cute, and smiled as I did it. We both knew the truth.

I will never be the judge of someone's pain, as I wish nobody is the judge of mine.

I know Stan's issues (my partner.). To me, we could have worked on them together. To him, the pain was greater than love and nothing could fix it.

It was not my place to judge.

I have my first broken heart with him being gone. I have personally never been in such pain, on top of the pain that wants to push me to CTB.

If Stan's pain was greater than this, then I love him enough to let him go, as his comfort is more important than mine.

More Spiritually evolved? I don't know. More like I know pain personally, how people reach the breaking point and how sometimes CTB is the only answer.

I just woke up after having a nightmare. Time for me to talk to his goodbye post. ;)

 

[Sensei]

If you don't want to answer it's perfectly fine, but may I ask how old you are? If you're over 18, perhaps it would be possible for you to live nearby your mother and visit her every now and then? Then you would still be able to be with your mother, but perhaps have to endure less abuse.

 

[jgm63]

I'm a 9/11 First Responder. My job was to wrap dead bodies, body parts etc. Am I more spiritually evolved after what I saw? Who knows.

I was one of the original AIDS workers before Princess Di made it fashionable, and counseled more people that I can count at the Hemlock Society prior to them CTB. The book The Final Exit was my Bible.

Death has been my entire life.

When my partner CTB, yes I did beg for him not to. Why? Yes I am Pro Choice. However, as my partner knew as I was doing it, I did it for me, so I wouldn't feel any guilt about him doing so. He thought it was cute, and smiled as I did it. We both knew the truth.

I will never be the judge of someone's pain, as I wish nobody is the judge of mine.

I know Stan's issues (my partner.). To me, we could have worked on them together. To him, the pain was greater than love and nothing could fix it.

It was not my place to judge.

I have my first broken heart with him being gone. I have personally never been in such pain, on top of the pain that wants to push me to CTB.

If Stan's pain was greater than this, then I love him enough to let him go, as his comfort is more important than mine.

More Spiritually evolved? I don't know. More like I know pain personally, how people reach the breaking point and how sometimes CTB is the only answer.

I just woke up after having a nightmare. Time for me to talk to his goodbye post. ;)

Thanks for your insights, which are always valuable. The specific part of my post where I was requesting your input was in relation to what her legal options might be regarding getting away from her mother, or I was thinking that you might otherwise be able to suggest another member who might be able to offer advice in that area. Does anything come to mind in relation to those matters ? Of course, please don't feel obliged to delve into this if you are overloaded since I know how difficult a time it is for you at present....

The brief initial paragraph I wrote about the spiritual evolution was just to try give the OP another possible way of looking at things when going through difficult situations, though of course everyone will have their own outlook on that. I was offering my view or way of looking at it, but certainly wouldn't expect other people to necessarily agree. I share my view on it since it might help some people who are able to see it that way. Those who disagree or don't see it that way can ( and should ) ignore that part of course....

 

[Jean4]

Thanks for your insights, which are always valuable. The specific part of my post where I was requesting your input was in relation to what her legal options might be regarding getting away from her mother, or I was thinking that you might otherwise be able to suggest another member who might be able to offer advice in that area. Does anything come to mind in relation to those matters ? Of course, please don't feel obliged to delve into this if you are overloaded since I know how difficult a time it is for you at present....

The brief initial paragraph I wrote about the spiritual evolution was just to try give the OP another possible way of looking at things when going through difficult situations, though of course everyone will have their own outlook on that. I was offering my view or way of looking at it, but certainly wouldn't expect other people to necessarily agree. I share my view on it since it might help some people who are able to see it that way. Those who disagree or don't see it that way can ( and should ) ignore that part of course....

I can't say what legal options are. I think she is the UK, and I am USA. All countries are different. I never claim to know something I don't, and I am not familiar with UK social service programs. ;)

 

[jgm63]

I can't say what legal options are. I think she is the UK, and I am USA. All countries are different. ;)

Well she wrote Minnesota which is why I thought of you (although I realise the USA is a big place), but I know how much you have on your plate at present.
Not sure if anyone else could jump in with a bit of legal know how ?

 

[Jean4]

Well she wrote Minnesota which is why I thought of you (although I realise the USA is a big place), but I know how much you have on your plate at present.
Not sure if anyone else could jump in with a bit of legal know how ?

Ah. I was mistaken. My apologies. Today I'd impeachment day in the USA. Plenty of options, and if she would like more details can personally PM me so I can get more personal information regarding her situation that shouldn't be made public, and I can look through my resources.

Feel free to PM me, and I will help should you want it.

 

[Wildsages]

Thank you for all who have applied. I will most likely pm the rest of the information in pm due to it being too personal to put it openly onto the web.
But it means a lot and no I feel like I have not done anything back towards my mother because during the time she yells things or possibly not even yell I just simply stay quiet.

 

[Weakling666]

 

[Mizzmini45]

Compared to some of the stories on this sight my life seems kind of normal, better, then the rest at least. Although, to the people around me I'd say otherwise, their lives seem nearly perfect. Worse I've heard was about some divorces. I grew up without real parenting, being in an orphanage, being lost of love. My life started picking up when I moved to Minnesota when the court finally let me and my mother be together again. She ended up being angry and was verbally abusive towards me ever since. I cant do anything about it though. I don't want to lose my mother as weird as it may sound.

I have always had suicide in the back of my mind. Even way back in seventh-eighth grade. It keeps getting worse and worse. I just honestly do not think I can keep using all my energy everyday to make others happy then come home dull lifeless and exhausted dreading the next day to come.

Why is it us that have to suffer? Why cant it be everyone.

I think you Think these people have perfect lives. Sure some people are dealt better cards but I believe these people are putting on fronts

I am sorry for what you have had to, and still are enduring. Life in and of itself is sometimes not only unfair, but even cruel. I hope you start to feel better.

life is cruel, bizarre and tragic really