I can't believe myself, I can't believe what kind of fucking pussy I'm that I can't even kill myself.

[WrongGuy47]

I fucking had everything today. I bought the rope, I went to the forest, I was fucking alone there, no fucking chance of failure or interruption, I fucking just couldn't hang myself.
I had told myself 30 minutes of pain better than years of misery, potential chance of health going worse, having to see my closed ones suffer, having to deal with work and all the shit. But I still fucking couldn't do it.

I fucking hate myself. It's been 5 fucking years since I have been attempting. I had thought hanging myself in forest would be the perfect way to go, I had fantasized about it all these years, but when I had the actual opportunity to go through it I fucking couldn't.

Someone fucking kill me please. Why does this has to be this hard.

I had even fucking left the note, I can't believe myself how I could not do it. What the hell is wrong with me. All I want is to be dead and I still couldn't do it, what the hell. I hate this shit.

 

[no 4mat]

getting drunk before hanging method imo is a must.
good luck next time brother.

 

[Deleted member 22624]

Maybe it's a sign, probably not but it's not a terrible way to think at this point? You're exhausted certainly and you need to recover from this. The truth is sadly you're not ready and that's ok, you have relative safety and comfort still for the moment I assume? It's a massive disappointment but tell yourself there's no urgency

 

[Sherri]

Don't be so hard on yourself, thats a SI kicking in, I agree with the ops, take your time, evaluate things better. Maybe a less drastic way to ctb for example. Wishing you strength and I'm sorry you are in so much suffering.

 

[Antigonish]

You're on a website full of pussies. Just kidding. But it's a lot harder than it seems. After every attempt I get better, but physically gets harder. Like my body is adapting. If this keeps up, I'll live forever. So I set a date, when i turn a certain age I will pull all the stops, and if I live a year pass that, I'll just give up trying to ctb. And live the rest of my terrible existence trying to make the world a better place.

 

[JackTheStripper]

Don't be too hard on yourself. It happens and SI is a real bitch. I tried ctb with CO once. Build up a tent in the middle of a forest, closed it, lit up the charcoal grill.... Aaaand flew out of the tent bc I'm a fucking idiot and panicked.
And I bet most of us have similar story like this ;) Its not as easy as society makes us think it is. Sometimes we chicken out and its okay.
We'll find our peace eventually^-^

 

[LenkaX]

I understand. I've been trying to kill myself for the past 15 years and few times I was really near... but then I didn't do it. SI is very strong and usually wins.

 

[awfullife]

Hang in there WrongGuy...It wasn't your time...If it's important to you, you can explore CTB in the future and weigh your options. I'm sorry it seems so hard right now. It's counterintuitive isn't it. You want to be gone from earth and you take all the necessary steps but when it comes down to leaving earth, your mind won't let you...

 

[Promortalistic4Life]

Oh my god... I'm exactly (well, mostly) in the same boat as you... wanting to hang myself in the woods, too terrified to do so, life is too miserable and hard etc.
Maybe try approaching it the way a special ops (e.g. Navy SEAL) guy would... their training consists of doing terrifying things were survival instinct kicks in e.g. drowning, jumping from great heights into cold water etc. You know what their mental trick is too overcome these fears? Extreme. Aggression. Your aggression NEEDS to be greater than your fear. The word aggredi comes from latin (greek) and means "to move towards [sth/so]", "to approach", "to attack", "to overcome an obstacle". Booze/drugs as someone else suggested is also a pretty good idea.
You spoke of "30 minutes of pain". Have you considered partial suspension/hanging? Using that method, if done properly, shouldn't be really painful at all, and you should be knocked out within like 10 - 30 sec. This is what I'm aiming towards, but I seem to be too stupid to figure this one out (even tho it's not supposed to be complicated). It's important to make sure that whatever your using for a noose is really REALLY tight on your neck, otherwise your just gonna suffer in agony for a long long time (using a loose noose... well that rhymes). Good luck marine.

 

[Pookie]

You're on a website full of pussies. Just kidding. But it's a lot harder than it seems. After every attempt I get better, but physically gets harder. Like my body is adapting. If this keeps up, I'll live forever. So I set a date, when i turn a certain age I will pull all the stops, and if I live a year pass that, I'll just give up trying to ctb. And live the rest of my terrible existence trying to make the world a better place.

What do you mean by after every attempt you get better, but physically it gets harder?

 

[Antigonish]

I prefer cutting but my blood coagulates quicker with each cut. I tried sleeping pills and alcohol but who knew you can build tolerance to that shit. I'd say a bullet but I'm scared after giving my last rites I'll wake up again as a vegetable this time. Im up to seven attempts. Excuse the typos and grammatical errors, I'm about to go to sleep.

 

[Sakura94]

It's not a bad thing to fail at.

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry to hear about your suffering and the human SI is a tough challenge to overcome as it is deeply programmed into our instincts and genetics. It is a big part of why the human race is around for a very long time.

 

[Estrela do Sol]

NAO SE SINTA TAO MAL E NEM SE COBRE TANTO.
EU MESMA ALGUMAS SEMANAS ATRAS TIVE TUDO CERTO.
SUBI EM UM PREDIO MUITO ALTO E FIQUEI 40 MINUTOS TENTANDO ME JOGAR E NAO FIZ.
E UMA DROGA MESMO NAO CONSEGUIR...
MAS NAO VOU DESISTIR.
DA PROXIMA VEZ VOU FICAR BEM ANESTESIADA PELOS REMEDIOS QUE TOMO SO ASSIM FUJO DA REALIDADE E TENTO DE NOVO COM SUCESSO.

NAO SE CULPE, TODOS NOS ESTAMOS NESTE MESMO BARCO.

 

[WornOutLife]

Relax. There will be another opportunities.
I tried to hang myself a few days ago and couldn't do it either.

Hugs and love to you

 

[Scrubs2016]

Ok, question, did you calculate the rope length based on weight, height and distance from anchor point? If you get it wrong you will either die very slowly or very messily. If you were to take sleeping tablets, as a for instance before hand, wait till your body was just to the point of drifiting off and fell forward, would this take away the scared factor? Or is it you couldnt climb the tree in question? Hanging on its own is generally longer (personal experience, not much room in a prison cell for the drop) and slowly chocking is not an experience I recommend, falling and then 'snap' is probably a faster way out. Depends if you want to suffer first or just switch off? As other people have said, there are other opportunities, try to sit down and work out what is best for you. We are always here if you need to vent, discuss or just freewrite. Take it easy

 

[Natty]

This is a pretty common frustration I've found. It's one I struggle with every day. More than anything I wish I could just flip the switch, but fighting the SI is a weird beast. I "play the tape forward" so often now in terms of my plan and it's execution that I can recognize when the SI kicks in. I can recognize the way it makes me feel, and the way it affects my thinking. I just can't quite get past it yet.

Wife goes back to work soon from holiday break, hopefully I will be able to solve the problem sooner than later.

 

[Pravesh]

Survival Instinct .

 

[jokesonme22]

I've been there. People who say it's the easy way out are so wrong. They have no idea how hard it is to actually go through something like that. If it was someone putting their own life at risk to save another, they are praised as a hero... Why? Because it takes bravery to override survival instinct. So why do people consider suicide cowardly? So stupid.

 

[Wrennie]

I fucking had everything today. I bought the rope, I went to the forest, I was fucking alone there, no fucking chance of failure or interruption, I fucking just couldn't hang myself.
I had told myself 30 minutes of pain better than years of misery, potential chance of health going worse, having to see my closed ones suffer, having to deal with work and all the shit. But I still fucking couldn't do it.

I fucking hate myself. It's been 5 fucking years since I have been attempting. I had thought hanging myself in forest would be the perfect way to go, I had fantasized about it all these years, but when I had the actual opportunity to go through it I fucking couldn't.

Someone fucking kill me please. Why does this has to be this hard.

I had even fucking left the note, I can't believe myself how I could not do it. What the hell is wrong with me. All I want is to be dead and I still couldn't do it, what the hell. I hate this shit.

Hanging is probably one of the most difficult ways to CTB. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Survival instinct is near-impossible enough to overcome, and just the act of attempting to fight against it makes you far stronger than you think. You're essentially waging a war against your own biology and billions of years of evolution.

 

[L0b5t3r]

It's your body's natural reaction to try and save itself, Hanging gives you a load of time to think about saving yourself
I wouldn't be so hard on yourself, sometimes things just take the time they take

 

[johntee2]

I fucking had everything today. I bought the rope, I went to the forest, I was fucking alone there, no fucking chance of failure or interruption, I fucking just couldn't hang myself.
I had told myself 30 minutes of pain better than years of misery, potential chance of health going worse, having to see my closed ones suffer, having to deal with work and all the shit. But I still fucking couldn't do it.

I fucking hate myself. It's been 5 fucking years since I have been attempting. I had thought hanging myself in forest would be the perfect way to go, I had fantasized about it all these years, but when I had the actual opportunity to go through it I fucking couldn't.

Someone fucking kill me please. Why does this has to be this hard.

I had even fucking left the note, I can't believe myself how I could not do it. What the hell is wrong with me. All I want is to be dead and I still couldn't do it, what the hell. I hate this shit.

I am desperate to end my miserable existence. I have lost my physical as well as mental health. If you have your physical health, I'd beg you to try to sort out your mental health. If there was any prospect of me being physically well again, I'd be happy. Hanging is not a sensible way to go. It's painful and your survival instincts will kick in. If anyone is thinking of it - just block your airway with a pillow or put a plastic bag over your head. The first struggle you have for breath will freak you out and you'll rip off that plastic bag or remove the pillow. Believe me, try it.

 

[KAZ-2Y5]

Check out the video "how the choking game kills demonstrated" it can be an easy way out if you know what to do and how to do it.

 

[carlo899]

I fucking had everything today. I bought the rope, I went to the forest, I was fucking alone there, no fucking chance of failure or interruption, I fucking just couldn't hang myself.
I had told myself 30 minutes of pain better than years of misery, potential chance of health going worse, having to see my closed ones suffer, having to deal with work and all the shit. But I still fucking couldn't do it.

I fucking hate myself. It's been 5 fucking years since I have been attempting. I had thought hanging myself in forest would be the perfect way to go, I had fantasized about it all these years, but when I had the actual opportunity to go through it I fucking couldn't.

Someone fucking kill me please. Why does this has to be this hard.

I had even fucking left the note, I can't believe myself how I could not do it. What the hell is wrong with me. All I want is to be dead and I still couldn't do it, what the hell. I hate this shit.