I can’t believe I failed so badly at life

[Bruces]

I look back and I can't believe I've failed so badly at life

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Same. Worst thing is people who knows me have great expectations about me and my future but they don't know how deep I have fallen. Looking at the past hurts a lot too. I only think about dying. It's the only thing that gives me relief.

 

[sezhian]

Hello there friend. I feel your pain. I feel the exact same way. I feel like I have lost in every possible way in life, on all fronts. I failed even in the last attempt to end my life because I was too weak and expected some kind of sympathy from a loved one in my last moments, which led to her calling the cops on me and saving my life. May I request you to share more details about why you feel you have failed so badly at life? It may help to share, we are all at the end of our lines here. Knowing each other's difficulties better may make the whole journey easier.

 

[ghostgirl1995]

Me too it was all going so well and then what in the hell happened to me LOL

 

[Outsider]

I see it as inevitable result of genes and environment. I found out i was fucked up and different when school started when I was 7 years old.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Me too it was all going so well and then what in the hell happened to me LOL

Same for me. I was doing everything OK then my life fell apart. I'm just tired. Wanna finish this.

 

[I screwed up]

My life was perfect till abt 5 yes back then I blew it ... Dug myself a hole I cannot come out of .. Failed in every front .. Only thing that keeps me calm now is suicidal ideation... I m too chicken to even do it ..

 

[Bruces]

Just complete failure in every aspect of life

 

[AintNoWayOut]

lately the concept of time and how much of life i've missed out on has really been messing with me... six whole years, gone like that. from 16 to almost 22 now, my late teens thrown away and i'll never get it back. its all i can think about anymore... if i felt there was hope for a better future i'd stop reflecting so much, but ofc the same problems which fucked up those six years still remain.

like, its to the point where i'll be watching youtube vids and i'll watch a video from 2014 (when everything went downhill for me) and i damn near have a panic attack thinking about how long ago that was. if i watched the video when it first came out, i get stuck in this hellish loop thinking about how recent it feels but then realizing that that was over half a decade ago when i was still just a teenager... and now im a full grown adult, and all of my friends from grade school have moved on and are living their lives while i suffer, all due to one mistake. thats time that i'll never get back. im a physical and mental wreck.

 

[Bruces]

Strange how it can all fall apart so quick

 

[sezhian]

Strange how it can all fall apart so quick

The process of falling apart seems to be very binary in my experience. One second, everything is good. The very next second, it feels like the whole universe hates you and just wants you to disappear, and there's absolutely nothing you can do that will change it after the universe hits that switch.

 

[Bruces]

yeah maybe the universe has finished with me

 

[GravityUtilizer]

And so much potential too!

Ah geez I hate that phrase.

 

[Smokey8484]

Same...I get really upset when I look back at pictures of myself as a little girl and wonder what happened to the spark and loving, fun personality I had back then. She was infinitely lovely and worthy of good things.
I try really hard to show my nieces & nephew that they are infinitely worthy & loveable, I try to be the person I needed when I was their age.

I always think of the Journey lyrics
"Some will win, some will lose
Some were born to sing the blues"

 

[Brink]

So many posts on this thread resonate with me. I used to be one of those people that said things like, "nothing worse than self-pity". Never thought I'd ever come to believe that if you fail so miserably at life consistently for years and throw everything away, it's sort of weird if you don't feel a bit sorry for yourself. I can't believe how many bridges I've burnt over the years.

 

[MrBlue]

I realised a while ago that I have achieved nothing, either professionally/academically or personal. I have no job, no friends, never been in a relationship, have a useless degree and wouldn't be considered worthy of being the shit on most peoples' shoes.

 

[Bruces]

I don't know if death is better than just a repetitive cycle of failure

 

[I_love_to_bake]

Strange how it can all fall apart so quick

Short way down, such a long way up.

 

[I screwed up]

In my case I don't see a way up

 

[Anthagonos]

Same...I get really upset when I look back at pictures of myself as a little girl and wonder what happened to the spark and loving, fun personality I had back then. She was infinitely lovely and worthy of good things.
I try really hard to show my nieces & nephew that they are infinitely worthy & loveable, I try to be the person I needed when I was their age.

I always think of the Journey lyrics
"Some will win, some will lose
Some were born to sing the blues"

Exactly the same here.
Recently I spend lots of time seeing pictures of the past. I remember my self fun, social, etc... I don't know what happened. I think my mother has tried to fuck me to destroy me. I think of I would had different mother I would not have the problems I have now.

 

[TheSoundofTime]

I look back and I can't believe I've failed so badly at life

What exactly have you failed in life if I may ask?

 

[RedDEE]

I look back at 16 year old me. I was gonna be a programmer and work for Google. I was so smart with computers, and I still am smart with computers. But I put my skills and energy into negative things. I used my computer prowess to go to the dark-web and buy drugs. I bought acid off the dark web, and had a bad trip, and ever since that bad trip I've heard voices - the trip turned me schizophrenic. Then I started buying meth, and it only made me more schizophrenic and turned me evil. Don't do meth guys, it turns you into a sociopath. I've pulled a total of 2 years in jail over the past 5 years.

So now I sit here, covered in jail tattoos. I have "PURE EVIL" tattooed across my knuckles, and a clown tattooed on my hand. Wondering where the fuck did I go wrong? The whole reason I ordered acid off the dark web was because I wanted to expand my mind spiritually and understand the universe. But the only thing I learned is that life is suffering. The reason I ordered meth the first time is because I was helping out a friend. He was getting meth on the street, and the shit was cut with other drugs, and he was shooting it into his veins. He was a good friend, and I didn't want him to hurt himself by shooting up impure meth. So I decided to tell him I knew how to get on the dark web, and I offered to order him pure meth, so it would be safer for him to inject. I tried it one time, and BOOM, I was addicted.

Everything I did, I did was good intentions, but it only led me down dark paths. I suspect every path you take is a dark path - there are no right decisions. Everything is wrong. We're led to believe when we're younger that we can grow up to be astronauts and firefighters - but the truth is, we're destined to fail right from the start. This world is the devil's world, and we have to play his game. The name of his game is - suffer or kill yourself. So thus you become stuck between being too afraid to die, and unwilling to live because life is too harsh. And the devil watches us and laughs.

 

[Mixo]

I lived a pretty normal life up until I was in my early 30's. Then it all went to shit once I became physically ill/disabled. If I could, I'd go back to my previous state just battling mental illness and nothing else but that life is gone now. Now I'm doomed to remain a failure.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

lately the concept of time and how much of life i've missed out on has really been messing with me... six whole years, gone like that. from 16 to almost 22 now, my late teens thrown away and i'll never get it back. its all i can think about anymore... if i felt there was hope for a better future i'd stop reflecting so much, but ofc the same problems which fucked up those six years still remain.

like, its to the point where i'll be watching youtube vids and i'll watch a video from 2014 (when everything went downhill for me) and i damn near have a panic attack thinking about how long ago that was. if i watched the video when it first came out, i get stuck in this hellish loop thinking about how recent it feels but then realizing that that was over half a decade ago when i was still just a teenager... and now im a full grown adult, and all of my friends from grade school have moved on and are living their lives while i suffer, all due to one mistake. thats time that i'll never get back. im a physical and mental wreck.

I am 34, imagine all the time I have wasted and all the things I have missed out on. :) You can still orient yourself towards the future, at 22 there is plenty of time to turn things around.

 

[JAG_78]

I see it as inevitable result of genes and environment. I found out i was fucked up and different when school started when I was 7 years old.

An inevitable result of genes in my case. Environment was fine. That's what makes it so tragic. My parents absolutely deserve better than me being as I am or me dead through suicide.
I began to realise that I was different (in a bad way) at school around 7yrs too.