I cannot take it anymore

[tbroken]

It is over, i know from many years already, but I somehow convinced myself to try to be happy. As i already knew, I failed badly and from 1 year more or less, I decided to ctb.
I gathered all the resources for SN, but i left my bag with all the ctb material in my car and it was stolen from someone, idk if they were my parents, vicious neighbors or drug addicted neighbors. Now it seems it became really more difficult to gather the resources once again and i really dk what to do. Can someone pm me a good EU resource for SN or suggest me somehow some other painless method to safely ctb in this really hot summer?
My situation is really bad, I'm totally void and broken in this period of my life and nobody takes me seriously, my parents play for themselves or worst for the opposite team. I was a really good person, funny, determined and good in my stuff... but bad family, bad friends and bad circumstances ruined my peaceful life and there is NO WAY i can get back to the person i was, nor i want to become someone else. My pain is so big that i try to sleep as much as i can to totally avoid life.
Reading these lines you can think: 'if you are so desperate, why you just don't end your life with any method? The pain will be for some minutes and then it will all be over...'
The answer is simple: i really suffered too much and i don't want to suffer anymore, I don't want to fail and end up in worst conditions.
When i gathered SN resources, I was so happy that for the first time of my life i was in total control, but now that they were stolen, my desperation is beyond infinite.
I really never asked anything to anyone and i would say that i was a real warrior in this life, please help me guys, i just want to end my suffering.

It is not essential that the EU source send the package to my house, i can also travel... I'm really determined to ctb and I would do anything to succeed.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find what you search for, fear of suicide failing is also what's kept me here, I find it really cruel and devastating how I cannot easily access painless method with no risks, people shouldn't have to fear suffering way more from trying to die going wrong. To me it's just so horrific how there's no limit as to how much one can suffer in this existence yet there isn't the option to easily die in peace with people having to struggle so much to leave this existence.

 

[GoatHerder]

This sounds similar to my situation except without the stolen sn.

 

[Cress]

Yeah I can relate to being totally broken. The pain of having family member sabotaging you Is absolutely atrocious. Most of my family is really cruel and they isolate each other. My younger cousin in front of a train Eight months ago I consider him like a younger brother and I thought maybe some people in my family would act a little bit different. They all act exactly the same. I've got to the point where I'm moving very little as well sleeping 20 hours at a time.

I'm sorry you're hurting so much. You sound pretty defeated so I'm not going to give you any of that "it's going to get better nonsense" However if you want someone to talk to before the end You can DM me.