Venting I Cannot Stop Reliving Bad Memories

[RoyBlight]

It's never been this bad. Very stupid things like someone being toxic towards me in a video game or the neighbors warning me because I was too loud get stuck in my head.
These bad memories just keep replaying themselves in my brain and I just cannot stop it. I'm trying extremely hard to distract myself, trying to stay in the moment, trying to analyze myself and my surroundings but to no avail. I keep reliving these bad memories to the point I start screaming from agony. It's just IMMEASURABLE pain when these bad memories just won't stop.
I don't know what to do... it's just way too painful. It's gotten so bad, it's so painful that I'm legit considering suicide after many years of not considering it at all.

 

[bullfrog61]

It's never been this bad. Very stupid things like someone being toxic towards me in a video game or the neighbors warning me because I was too loud get stuck in my head.
These bad memories just keep replaying themselves in my brain and I just cannot stop it. I'm trying extremely hard to distract myself, trying to stay in the moment, trying to analyze myself and my surroundings but to no avail. I keep reliving these bad memories to the point I start screaming from agony. It's just IMMEASURABLE pain when these bad memories just won't stop.
I don't know what to do... it's just way too painful. It's gotten so bad, it's so painful that I'm legit considering suicide after many years of not considering it at all.

Same. I can't control the memories, they just keep coming into my head. It's always about stupid things i said or did in the past and what I should have done. When it happens, I have to whisper to myself about how I should be dead to sort of "answer" the thought, and that helps a little.

 

[Schizo_turk]

do not fight them, endorse them, they will disappear with the time, the more you resist, the stronger they get.

 

[BlueButterfly111]

I'm experiencing the same thing as well. I wake up in the middle of the night crying, thinking about all the bad memories I have, and all the bad things that have happened to me. I woke up this morning crying remembering all of it. It's very traumatizing, sometimes I even have nightmares about it. The only thing that helps me to stop it is thinking about ctb soon. I'm sorry your going through this.

 

[RoyBlight]

do not fight them, endorse them, they will disappear with the time, the more you resist, the stronger they get.

That is one of the things I've tried, maybe I'm not doing it right though, it's not quite working like a charm... I will still keep it in mind though, thank you for the advice.

 

[Schizo_turk]

i

That is one of the things I've tried, maybe I'm not doing it right though, it's not quite working like a charm... I will still keep it in mind though, thank you for the advice.

believe you get used to it and become jaded, for good.

 

[RoyBlight]

I'm experiencing the same thing as well. I wake up in the middle of the night crying, thinking about all the bad memories I have, and all the bad things that have happened to me. I woke up this morning crying remembering all of it. It's very traumatizing, sometimes I even have nightmares about it. The only thing that helps me to stop it is thinking about ctb soon. I'm sorry your going through this.

I'm sorry to hear that is what's helping you of all things but I guess it's better than having nothing at all that helps. Thanks for sharing this.

Same. I can't control the memories, they just keep coming into my head. It's always about stupid things i said or did in the past and what I should have done. When it happens, I have to whisper to myself about how I should be dead to sort of "answer" the thought, and that helps a little.

Whisper yourself how you should be dead? That's interesting. Well, if it helps, it helps I guess. Sorry to hear though.

 

[resurgence]

i have dealt with this for so long, it eventually got to the point where im mostly too numb to care. still think back on some things but i can redirect my thoughts now instead of just being in this loop of suffering. dont know how it got to this point as it was so bad i was trying to drug myself to forget everything, or ctb.
same as you it would be "stupid" small things, that shouldnt matter.. but my brain thinks i deserve to be shot or something i guess

 

[LostLily]

I'm also tired of being torture by my mind