identitycrisis
Member
- Dec 27, 2024
- 9
i was eleven. my family had been preparing to go out to a restaurant. it was my turn to take a shower and my twenty four year old half-brother let out yet another abusive provocative comment directed at me. i couldn't take it anymore so i blew up. i hit him where it hurt, his life. he was and is a complete and total fucking loser. no job, no education. a freeloader. he had a history of physically abusing my mother and grandmother. he never felt remorse. but my mother naively let him back into our lives. on a vacation me and my mother took, he had beaten my old and frail grandmother to a pulp, she had purple bruises all over her body for two months. my mom was a fucking idiot. but he knew what my grandfather did to her and yet he still perpetuated her pain. the coward he was. he only picked on people weaker than him. i told him that he was a complete failure and embarrassment to our family. it struck a nerve. he began pounding his feet towards me. i remember it so vividly. he was about 300lbs. almost 2 feet taller than me. he jumped on me, then it all went black. i began to see fireworks in my eyes. stars. he beat me for 10 seconds straight. i was a 100lb eleven year old. after he did this my jaw was already dislocated and i was in extreme pain. he got up and started threatening my mother. screaming in her face. right after he did what he did to me. my mother had also been abused by his father. he genuinely had no consideration for the trauma of people he was supposed to love. i felt like i had to save my mother. i had to do something. i had to get him away from her. i looked for something i could use as a weapon and i found a broom. i picked it up and ran into his range. but then i froze. he turned around, took the broom from me and started beating me with it. i ran to the corner of my room, where my bike was. he jumped on top of me again right on top of the bike and began beating my head against the gear. he did this for about 10 seconds. then he left. my mom did nothing about what he did. i know that she couldn't have because i would've been taken away but it boiled my blood that he received no punishment. what he did to me still haunts me to this day. i forgave him but the damage he did can never be undone. i will never be the same person i was. i used to be somewhat of a talkative loud extrovert. now i can't even begin to find words to speak to another. i hate to think like this but i deep down want to take what he took from me. my hope, the life from my eyes, my potential. i could've been so much more but it's impossible now. i cannot escape it or forget it no matter what. i want to end my life so that i can escape from the pain i endure daily. there is no way out for me. i cannot do anything. i deeply desire to get my revenge and then take my own life. that's the only thing that i think could bring me peace. but i don't want to be a person like that. i don't want that to be how people remember me. a vengeful coward. even if it is what i am. i will never find peace.
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