Venting I can probably solve everything, but I don't want to

[falseNightingale]

Does anyone ever feel like that it's not worth trying to fix your life anymore? Like you've finally run out of mental gymnastics that you could do to justify your existence?

This is it for me. I've finally been driven into a corner. Everything that ever mattered to me throughout my years is slowly crumbling down and all I can do is rot in front of the computer and break down at the slightest reminder of reality. It took a long time but I have concluded that I'm probably not fit for survival in this world. A boiling concoction of Anxiety, Depression, CPTSD, unmedicated ADD and a pinch of Gender Dysphoria. Just failed two of my most important college courses, almost outta money and can't easily find a job because international student in the states. Tried visiting a therapist once but don't really have it in me to keep up with the sessions.

I hate receiving pity from people but I really dont see a way outta this one.

 

[qw3rty259]

Can relate to some of this. Also, I'm tired of my recurring though "now it will be different". I tried to change something in my life for hundreds of times and now i don't have mental resources anymore so that thought about changes only makes me laugh ironically as i know i'll just fail again

 

[derpyderpins]

Well, it really sucks if you try to fix things, build it back up, just for that Jenga tower to crash down yet again. Numbing out and ctb seem like best bets a good bit of the time.

 

[EternalSummer]

Bros, that exactly my situation, i fucked up my second university course too. I haven't even told my parents yet, i'm debating weather i tell them or just CTB, they think im gonna graduate this year, but it will take another 3 years probably. Honestly, if it that was my only major problem, maybe i wouldnt be thinking about it, but im such a mess of anxiety, depression, attention disorder. Although i do have good friends and feel nice when im around them and don't have to think about my responsabilities. But im tired of trying and failing, having people look down on me and having 0 self esteem.

It brokes my heart thinking of suicide, it will solve my problems in a way, ill not be suffering anymore, but I really wish it wasnt my story. I'm gonna have to take a decision though, time is running low.


The funny thing is that i created this account when I was still trying to get my first college degree, i would graduate in 2019 then, but im fucked up on the head since adult life began, even before really, my head cant deal with life responsabilities. It was very traumatic then and I almost CTB, now i'm at that place again, maybe now should be the time. I tried to make it work, not as hard as people expected, but as hard as I could, my best wasnt good enough.

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

I'm in the same but opposite. I cannot solve it, every string I've pulled has led to a dead end and I'm out of new ones. I just would have wanted otherwise.

 

[Amish]

I feel the same way. I'm tired of life, tired of trying, tired of having to rebuild every time I have a crisis.
I know things can be resolved, at least in part, but what's the point? Today I'm living with chronic back pain, I've lost my job and it's very difficult to find another one with my physical and mental health problems, the woman in my life has left me, the only one with whom I envisaged a future, and I'm about to lose my apartment.
I no longer have the desire or the strength to move forward. I've tried so many times, and now I'm exhausted.

 

[dolemitedrums]

I don't know. If your problems are fixable, why not give it a go if you seem to have a handle on the solutions. I finally called it quits when I was faced with problems that can't be fixed. Anyway, you are free to do as you wish but...hey why not give it a shot.

 

[enduringwinter]

As someone who was also an international student I understand exactly what you are going through. It's so terrible to go on living without grace.