Venting I can finally understand how a school shooter feels....

[MindFrog]

Not that I'm defending them in anyway, they're still vile and deserve to rot in hell.

It's just that.. Being subjected to constant verbal abuse is slowly building up this blinding rage inside. I know I don't deserve it. It's unfair to be subjected to this just because I had a small argument with someone powerful. At the grocery store no less.

I don't know how more of this I could take. I can't sleep with the constant noise from outside. I get yelled at by people I don't even know.

So I kinda understand how unfair it is. I want to move on with my life but I also feel like giving in and stabbing the first person who yells at me outside. 5 months of this is too much.

I don't think they're going to stop until I end my life. But I don't want to do it yet cos that's what THEY want.

Fuck my life.

 

[lemonbunny]

while there's still a huge difference between having violent thoughts and actually acting on them, i kinda get what you're saying. when i feel helpless and embarrassed the first thing i think of is everyone dropping dead around me so i can be alone. it's a terrible, repulsive thought but the impulse is there.

 

[Catch-22]

Not that I'm defending them in anyway, they're still vile and deserve to rot in hell.

It's just that.. Being subjected to constant verbal abuse is slowly building up this blinding rage inside. I know I don't deserve it. It's unfair to be subjected to this just because I had a small argument with someone powerful. At the grocery store no less.

I don't know how more of this I could take. I can't sleep with the constant noise from outside. I get yelled at by people I don't even know.

So I kinda understand how unfair it is. I want to move on with my life but I also feel like giving in and stabbing the first person who yells at me outside. 5 months of this is too much.

I don't think they're going to stop until I end my life. But I don't want to do it yet cos that's what THEY want.

Fuck my life.

This year I've experienced rage like I've never experienced before. Being sick for decades no one helping me. Both physically and mentally.. it sucks because I want to be able to do something to get rid of the rage like go for a run or anything I can do physically except I have a physical disability and I can't. If you can try to vent it through exercise or something. I understand that's not going to completely get rid of it but maybe temporarily. Also maybe look into Bartonella infection. Sometimes severe rage can come from infections that affect our brain. Infections we never knew we had. I just found out recently I have several that I've had my entire life and I had no idea. It explains so much. Just a thought.. and yes those fuck heads that go out and do those vile acts should burn in hell!

 

[IWishToDie]

There's an old saying, don't be bitter - be better. Don't lower yourself to their level, this is what those crazy killers do not understand. Try some meditation champion, turn yourself into a righteous samurai. Build your mind, then your body.

My best advice would be to try meditation, honestly.
Close the curtains, not total darkness maybe 75% dark room, light a candle in the corner at eye level. Sit comfortably as aligned as possible (meditation music helps for this, chakra tuneup for 20 minutes). Turn music off and just stare at the candle in silence. Try not to move focus on breathing in nose out mouth. Whatever comes to your mind, just let it play out and pass. Do not try talking to yourself. This all takes practice, but it may help you come to a conclusion as to what you're really living for and what action you need to take. Good luck. Also, it's easier sober as meditation when high can be a little trippy intense.

Good luck, warrior.