oatmeal.n
🇵🇱
- Apr 28, 2025
- 26
I'm not one to spill out my feelings on SaSu, to be honest I don't really enjoy making posts here in the first place. It feels too vulnerable for speaking to people I will most likely never see in the real world. Regardless, here I go.. I've been on heavy antidepressants for the past few years, no official diagnosis despite many, many years in therapy and seeing psychiatrists. I've been in a constant state of derealization, especially when I feel normal emotions like anger, sadness, anxiety, etc. I can barely type this as I have practically no idea where I am right now. Through every session I somehow get told to 'ground myself' using various coping strategies, which don't help me whatsoever. Every psychologist & psychiatrist combo I've seen refuses to diagnose me with anything, allow me to get screened for anything, and downright denies all my requests. I'd guess this is partly due to the fact that mental health care in my country is terrible, but there isn't much I can do about it. I struggle to socialize despite putting myself out constantly, meeting up with people, and having a decent social group.
I can't remember a single time where I felt sad. Again, I've been on heavy antidepressants for as long as I remember. I feel like I finally broke something in my head. I can't help but feel so deeply, more than I've felt in my life. Its like a robot gaining sentience. I am the most analytical, logical person you'll meet, despite the persona I display online. That has been my personality my entire life. I am not at all a person who runs on emotions. Not once, not ever. In a similar way, I'm also not big on relationships; familial, platonic, and romantic bonds are not for me. But now, maybe just for tonight, I feel the opposite. I really don't know what to do, I feel like a different person. I don't know how to word this at all, I wouldn't be surprised if i look back on this post in a year and laugh. My words are wonky and strange and I'm making a fool of myself, but I need to give my emotions the time of day, and get something out here. I hope that I'll wake up tomorrow morning and this will all go away. I'll just pretend I didn't make this post, or I'll edit it eventually. Maybe this will help some of you understand me better, it's better than keeping my profile empty. I can't wait to drop my psychologist, at least that's one thing to look forward to this week, if I don't get admitted to a facility based on recommendation. Typing this just makes my space out more, I'll cut it off here. Reply if you'd like, I'll try to respond. Everything is driving me off the edge lately, at least I have SaSu.
I can't remember a single time where I felt sad. Again, I've been on heavy antidepressants for as long as I remember. I feel like I finally broke something in my head. I can't help but feel so deeply, more than I've felt in my life. Its like a robot gaining sentience. I am the most analytical, logical person you'll meet, despite the persona I display online. That has been my personality my entire life. I am not at all a person who runs on emotions. Not once, not ever. In a similar way, I'm also not big on relationships; familial, platonic, and romantic bonds are not for me. But now, maybe just for tonight, I feel the opposite. I really don't know what to do, I feel like a different person. I don't know how to word this at all, I wouldn't be surprised if i look back on this post in a year and laugh. My words are wonky and strange and I'm making a fool of myself, but I need to give my emotions the time of day, and get something out here. I hope that I'll wake up tomorrow morning and this will all go away. I'll just pretend I didn't make this post, or I'll edit it eventually. Maybe this will help some of you understand me better, it's better than keeping my profile empty. I can't wait to drop my psychologist, at least that's one thing to look forward to this week, if I don't get admitted to a facility based on recommendation. Typing this just makes my space out more, I'll cut it off here. Reply if you'd like, I'll try to respond. Everything is driving me off the edge lately, at least I have SaSu.
