Ｓanctioned Suicide
Member
- Jul 19, 2023
- 17
See, in my mind I really do want to do this, but when I say I do I don't really mean it but at the same time I really do mean it more than I even care to admit my life really fucking sucks and I just want it to be over with. Day by day I can feel it creeping, like I know I'm going to go through with it eventually. Maybe if I had a plan like an actual solid plan I could just get this over with. Fentanyl is readily available to me, but the problem is I have such a high tolerance for it I couldn't even afford enough to overdose, and I want it to be painless. I want to go fully numb, I have a tattoo on my wrist that says "Numb" and it's actually really meaningful to me, because I am completely void of feelings, almost every single feeling accept pain and love I am void of, and when I'm sober I'm pretty much a sociopath, I wouldn't say that fully because there are a few people I would say I love, but it's very few and to a very extreme degree everyone else I could honestly care less about, I look at most people as toys. I don't even know who I am, it's almost like my brain stopped developing in around 3rd grade (I'm 21 now) but ever since 3rd grade I can't say I've changed a bit, and up until that point it's almost like I was on autopilot like literally like someone else controlled me or like I was an NPC and one day I woke up in reality, I have the same mindset as I did then, at least I believe I do.
