I broke my ankle, can’t walk or drive, and am feeling hopeless

[ThisMortalCoil]

I know this might sound petty, but life has been crap for a while. I was married 20 years and had a daughter, and I worked my a** off all those years to be a good provider for my family. My wife meanwhile didn't work, yet anything she wanted she bought with my money. I went through a tough 18 months at work, traveling 50% of the time and working 16 hour days - then three years ago she left me, finding someone else to support her, and she left me with our daughter and her dog. In time, we shared custody, though with me the parent of primary resident. So in addition to a demanding job, I now had to cook, clean, food shop, do the wash, drive my teenager to & from her activities 4-5 days a week, and walk the dog three times a day. I have had a girlfriend, but it's non-stop drama. I put everyone before myself - my daughter, my girlfriend, my dog - and spoil them all rotten; for example, I spent $20K+ on gifts for my girlfriend in the past year, just paid $8K for my daughter to go to Europe this summer, and plan to buy her a car, probably spending $40K+.

Now, last week I broke my ankle and though I've already become near entirely self-sufficient at home , I can't drive my daughter to her activities, and I can't walk my dog. I'm getting surgery next week, and won't be able to walk or drive for the next three months - and TBH, I don't give a crap about my own health, having to do everything around the house with limited mobility, but I feel awful not being able to fulfill my responsibility to my daughter and dog. I've been doing my best to figure out alternatives, but it hasn't been easy.

And what sucks the most is the people in my life don't want to help: my girlfriend, my mother, my daughter, my ex. I'd do anything for them, but the three months that I need help, they give me more drama than help. So here I am, putting everyone else first, only worrying about not being able to take care of my responsibilities towards others, and yet no one wants to take responsibility for helping me.

A few weeks ago I was suicidal and was planning to hang myself, and this broken ankle only makes it worse.

And to those who think money would make everything better, guess again.

 

[ThisUnrest]

That sounds terrible!! I wish they would give you some help when you need it so badly. Surely your ex or your gf should step up to help! That's so much responsibility they've placed on you. Do you know any of your daughter's friends' parents - maybe they could give her a ride to activities, or help with shopping, etc? I hope they would be understanding, youre in such a difficult position. Could you call a dog walker? All of it must be so overwhelming, on top of already feeling horrible and wanting out, and then getting injured. Hope you have a peaceful evening with your pup. (I also like the band This Mortal Coil, but I dont know if you're just quoting Shakespeare.)

 

[Meditation guide]

You really need a very good dependable employee for household chores and dog walking. Or even consider finding a new home for the dog. I have a housekeeper and would be lost without her. She's on time and does anything I need. I hope your family members can be made aware they need to help you more. I feel for you. Your ankle will heal but you really need some more supportive people. For all that you do it's time to ask them for help and mention you don't need drama.

 

[undecided]

You sound like a martyr, you need to stop putting everyone else first for once. It sounds like you're downplaying your problems and they're of the opinion that you can do what you've always done. You HAVE to tell them you're unable to cope at the moment and that you need some help!

 

[Lookoutbelow]

I know this might sound petty, but life has been crap for a while. I was married 20 years and had a daughter, and I worked my a** off all those years to be a good provider for my family. My wife meanwhile didn't work, yet anything she wanted she bought with my money. I went through a tough 18 months at work, traveling 50% of the time and working 16 hour days - then three years ago she left me, finding someone else to support her, and she left me with our daughter and her dog. In time, we shared custody, though with me the parent of primary resident. So in addition to a demanding job, I now had to cook, clean, food shop, do the wash, drive my teenager to & from her activities 4-5 days a week, and walk the dog three times a day. I have had a girlfriend, but it's non-stop drama. I put everyone before myself - my daughter, my girlfriend, my dog - and spoil them all rotten; for example, I spent $20K+ on gifts for my girlfriend in the past year, just paid $8K for my daughter to go to Europe this summer, and plan to buy her a car, probably spending $40K+.

Now, last week I broke my ankle and though I've already become near entirely self-sufficient at home , I can't drive my daughter to her activities, and I can't walk my dog. I'm getting surgery next week, and won't be able to walk or drive for the next three months - and TBH, I don't give a crap about my own health, having to do everything around the house with limited mobility, but I feel awful not being able to fulfill my responsibility to my daughter and dog. I've been doing my best to figure out alternatives, but it hasn't been easy.

And what sucks the most is the people in my life don't want to help: my girlfriend, my mother, my daughter, my ex. I'd do anything for them, but the three months that I need help, they give me more drama than help. So here I am, putting everyone else first, only worrying about not being able to take care of my responsibilities towards others, and yet no one wants to take responsibility for helping me.

A few weeks ago I was suicidal and was planning to hang myself, and this broken ankle only makes it worse.

And to those who think money would make everything better, guess again.

Money would make things better for most. It's just happens to be in your case you work your ass off for it. Opposites attract and that doesn't just mean romantically. You are the provider and the the people around you are recipients of that. Your comfort zone is to provide and care for others and their comfort zone is to be taken care of. Imagine you just stop providing for others. You probably couldn't do it as it would go against your personality. They cannot/will not help you because it is not who they are. Sucks, but we are who we are. I am suicidal.

 

[Meditation guide]

And what sucks the most is the people in my life don't want to help: my girlfriend, my mother, my daughter, my ex. I'd do anything for them, but the three months that I need help, they give me more drama than help.

This is heartbreaking to read. You sound incredibly strong. I think you can get through this broken ankle but I hope you consider getting more caring people around you somehow. My heart goes out to you. I know you love your mother daughter and girlfriend a lot, but it would be great to have someone else in your life who can give back to you when needed.