I binge and overeat everyday thinking it won't matter since I'm gonna kill myself soon, then get scared thinking maybe I won't be able to do it.

[IsItReallyParanoia]

Idk. Maybe I'll have a failed attempt. Maybe I won't be able to bring myself to do it. So obviously I gained a lotta weight, like 50 pounds in a year and I feel disgusting and weak and fatigued all the time but I'm like "I'll be free of this body soon and none of this will matter" but idk I'm just worried cuz then if I don't kill myself within this year like I've been planning, I just know I won't be motivated enough and I won't care enough to lose any weight (like honestly I don't give a f about myself and I already have health problems bc of it) and I'll just keep doing my shit and maintain or gain. And it's like, if I live this would be a horrible way to live tho

 

[Robbyna]

Idk. Maybe I'll have a failed attempt. Maybe I won't be able to bring myself to do it. So obviously I gained a lotta weight, like 50 pounds in a year and I feel disgusting and weak and fatigued all the time but I'm like "I'll be free of this body soon and none of this will matter" but idk I'm just worried cuz then if I don't kill myself within this year like I've been planning, I just know I won't be motivated enough and I won't care enough to lose any weight (like honestly I don't give a f about myself and I already have health problems bc of it) and I'll just keep doing my shit and maintain or gain. And it's like, if I live this would be a horrible way to live tho

I'm doing the exact same thing. I hope the way I'm living will give me a heart attack.

 

[Kringle's Curse]

Same here. And I drink a shit ton of beer not giving a shit. I've gained about 20 pounds from it but I don't give a fuck about myself either, just want to be dead.

 

[GeorgeJL]

You can loose weight with the HCG diet. I've lost a lot of weight with it. Just do the 800-1200 calorie a day version of it.

 

[Kassender]

Me too.
It's been going on for years. Be careful with the weight gain, i can confirm you will not have any motivation to lose it.
You'll just feel even more like shit.

I've been drinking a lot lately, secretly hoping the alcohol/tobacco abuse will end up killing me.
I imagine myself hugging the doctor who would diagnose me with cancer or another untreatable disease.

 

[Weems]

Idk. Maybe I'll have a failed attempt. Maybe I won't be able to bring myself to do it. So obviously I gained a lotta weight, like 50 pounds in a year and I feel disgusting and weak and fatigued all the time but I'm like "I'll be free of this body soon and none of this will matter" but idk I'm just worried cuz then if I don't kill myself within this year like I've been planning, I just know I won't be motivated enough and I won't care enough to lose any weight (like honestly I don't give a f about myself and I already have health problems bc of it) and I'll just keep doing my shit and maintain or gain. And it's like, if I live this would be a horrible way to live tho

Yyyyyyeah I've been eating Hostess snacks and ice cream like there's no tomorrow, but have not taken concrete steps to ensure there's no tomorrow. Never had a spare tire like this before.

 

[moonli8t]

I'm doing the same. I'm scared that if i fail i'll end up vegetable. Whenever I hear somone die I wished it was me instead.

 

[Robbyna]

I'm doing the same. I'm scared that if i fail i'll end up vegetable. Whenever I hear somone die I wished it was me instead.

I'm so envious of people who I've heard of dying recently. I always think, "why not me."

 

[lululoo]

I've also been overeating and have gained 10 pounds in the past 8 months. Not a ton, but I'm short, so it shows.
I try to reign the eating in somewhat because I have the same fear as you. Also, even just surviving the last few weeks/months alive will be easier for me if I'm not too heavy. Gaining weight makes me way more depressed.
It's a struggle. For me, waiting later in the day to start eating is very helpful, because it's hard to stop once I've started.

 

[Karangel25]

I do the same

 

[sillyusername69]

I'm opposite, I've started skipping meals and switched from a really healthy diet to microwave pizzas/canned spaghetti. I also feel pretty terrible about my weight gain though (I have an eating disorder and really hate being over 100 lb) so honestly I'm just kind of starving myself to appropriate weight size.
I understand feeling like you don't care about your body since you'll be leaving it anyways.
I'm sorry you're going through this.

 

[Imgonnahangmyself]

I'm the same, I eat what I want and trying to spend all the money I saved up. You can't take it with you
Only problem is like you said, if I don't do it, I'm just gonna be fat and ugly. I'm already ugly tho

 

[ExitTheDay]

I always eat unhealthy too but never try to kill myself doing so, maybe one day it will... hopefully

 

[I_have_no_one]

I don't even have the money to binge eat

 

[WornOutLife]

I've been doing this for years and gained like 60 pounds. I really thought I would be dead by now but still, here I am.

What's worse is that I still drink and eat junk food.
Old habits die hard.

I'm trying to change for the best but man, it's so hard!

 

[NotOkay_]

I've been doing this for years and gained like 60 pounds. I really thought I would be dead by now but still, here I am.

What's worse is that I still drink and eat junk food.
Old habits die hard.

I'm trying to change for the best but man, it's so hard!

Omg if that ain't me for the past 6 months

 

[eternaltroubador]

ive definitely been doing this too

 

[stygal]

I've fallen into the complete opposite during the last 2-3 days.
At least I drink lots of fluids though.

Actually it's a very stupid thing to do...whichever direction since it only weakens you and leaves you disabled.

 

[x~Sophia~x]

same here, I'm currently addicted to crisps, I eat loads every night with a gallon of cider. I already have high cholesterol and I'm on statins for that, but the overindulgence on crisps and cider won't be helping. My teeth are crumbling now as well with the excessive amounts of sugar. But I don't seem to give a damn... :(((

 

[killedbypsychiatry]

I also do this. I eat a lot because it's the only thing that numbs the pain I'm in and bc I feel I will be gone soon. But I need to stop because I don't have the balls to ctb yet.