I became stupid, need an easy way out

[Nobodysfault]

Hey,
I became stupid due to too much time of nothingness, i cant understand what anyone means here.
I need to leave, im looking for an easly understandable way out. Please help me, i dont understand all of the complicated instruction no more.
I got Sn, i think, i need to check how vaild it is but i dont know how, i dont understand the instructions of anything, learning is blocked in my head. Help. Easy way out, clear instructions.
Thank you.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Understandable being stuck with apathy for years while being all alone with no passions or any enjoyment really rots the brain I feel so stupid too and my memory is shit I feel I have become so demented.

 

[Nobodysfault]

Understandable being stuck with apathy for years while being all alone with no passions or any enjoyment really rots the brain I feel so stupid too and my memory is shit I feel I have become so demented.

Nice to hear its not only me, i thought i was the only one. Do you function now?

 

[k75]

I think the safest advice anyone can really give you is to take your chosen method and break it down into manageable pieces. So you don't get overwhelmed, and you don't forget any important steps.

You say you have SN. So that's pretty easy. Slowly go through the SN threads and use search, and make some clear lists for yourself. Write down what you need to get. Where you can get it from. Check things off as you complete them. Then make yourself a written schedule to follow. Things like that.

Im sorry, I wish I could be more helpful, but short of actually doing that for you, I'm not sure what else to say. That feels like it crosses the line into assisting territory, and I'm not going to do that.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Nice to hear its not only me, i thought i was the only one. Do you function now?

No I don´t go to school or have a job I just sit in the same room all day every day watching the same series over and over again I don´t even play video games anymore because I just don´t enjoy it anymore I don´t enjoy anything and don´t have energy or motivation for anything there are even several threads I have wanted to make for weeks I haven´t had the motivation to make.

I also made this thread a while back maybe you can relate https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/apathy-and-anhedonia.19300/

 

[Nobodysfault]

No I don´t go to school or have a job I just sit in the same room all day every day watching the same series over and over again I don´t even play video games anymore because I just don´t enjoy it anymore I don´t enjoy anything and don´t have energy or motivation for anything there are even several threads I have wanted to make for weeks I haven´t had the motivation to make.

I also made this thread a while back maybe you can relate https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/apathy-and-anhedonia.19300/

I read it, i go through a very similar thing and dont know how to get out of it. Im surprised ive found someone who goes through a similar thing to mine. You still live with your parents? Whats your everyday life like? You can send me a private message if you want to.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I read it, i go through a very similar thing and dont know how to get out of it. Im surprised ive found someone who goes through a similar thing to mine. You still live with your parents? Whats your everyday life like? You can send me a private message if you want to.

No I live alone I moved out about 3 years ago.
My every day "life" sucks big time let me break it down for you

okay I just spend 5 minutes writing a long version but since it took so long I regretted it and made this shorter version (I delete about 90-95% of my posts btw)
My "life" is watching the same series I have seen many times before over and over again, browsing this forum and look at youtube videos I go for 1-2 hour walk a day sometimes more since I love being outside but have nothing to do but walk outside. I eat the same for breakfast and as my third meal every day because of a throat problem so it´s easier and I constantly think about my amazing childhood and exciting teenage years throughout the whole day, I have no friends and no passions or anything I really enjoy really I don´t even play video games anymore which is sad since I have played so many games since I was a child.

In other words
Wake up
Eat breakfast
watch series, youtube, this forum, go for a 1-2 hour walk
Dinner
Series, youtube, forum
third meal
series, youtube, this forum, maybe a night walk/vlog

And a shower thrown in either at noon or evening.

 

[Nobodysfault]

No I live alone I moved out about 3 years ago.
My every day "life" sucks big time let me break it down for you

okay I just spend 5 minutes writing a long version but since it took so long I regretted it and made this shorter version (I delete about 90-95% of my posts btw)
My "life" is watching the same series I have seen many times before over and over again, browsing this forum and look at youtube videos I go for 1-2 hour walk a day sometimes more since I love being outside but have nothing to do but walk outside. I eat the same for breakfast and as my third meal every day because of a throat problem so it´s easier and I constantly think about my amazing childhood and exciting teenage years throughout the whole day, I have no friends and no passions or anything I really enjoy really I don´t even play video games anymore which is sad since I have played so many games since I was a child.

In other words
Wake up
Eat breakfast
watch series, youtube, this forum, go for a 1-2 hour walk
Dinner
Series, youtube, forum
third meal
series, youtube, this forum, maybe a night walk/vlog

And a shower thrown in either at noon or evening.

Well its more than i did and do for the past two years, im in bed watching spongebob all day, cant grasp the fact im not a teenager anymore and how fast the last two years has gone by, i do nothing else but this.Oh yeah, i do one more thing now - i smoke a whole packet of cigarettes a day, dont remember the last time i went out of the house for a walk.
Feel free to write long posts, i will gladly read it.

 

[SinisterKid]

Get some table salt, about 5 teaspoons [the little spoons] should be enough. Mix it with a glass of water until dissolved. Drink it in one go. Wait and see if you puke. If you dont, then do the same with your SN. It cant be any simpler than that really. SN only gets complicated because there are concerns that most people will puke it back up, so taking other medication helps prevent that from happening.

You are not stupid, you are depressed, be kinder to yourself. Taking your own life is possibly the most difficult thing that you will attempt [I know, I have tried before] and finding reasons, any reasons, not to do that is completely understandable. No one of sound mind could possibly watch spongebob all day every day [joke]

 

[Nobodysfault]

Get some table salt, about 5 teaspoons [the little spoons] should be enough. Mix it with a glass of water until dissolved. Drink it in one go. Wait and see if you puke. If you dont, then do the same with your SN. It cant be any simpler than that really. SN only gets complicated because there are concerns that most people will puke it back up, so taking other medication helps prevent that from happening.

You are not stupid, you are depressed, be kinder to yourself. Taking your own life is possibly the most difficult thing that you will attempt [I know, I have tried before] and finding reasons, any reasons, not to do that is completely understandable. No one of sound mind could possibly watch spongebob all day every day [joke]

Hey, thank you. The problem with the sn is that i dont know if its pure and i take psych meds and i read its a problem with antiemeticts (plus having a migrane scares me since i suffer from it and its an horrible feeling). When depression leaves i find my self weak and stupid, cant do or understand basic instructions and conversations, i guess its natural to experience such symptoms after a few years of being solely in bed. Thank you for your kindness, i wish more people would be as nice as you are.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Well its more than i did and do for the past two years, im in bed watching spongebob all day, cant grasp the fact im not a teenager anymore and how fast the last two years has gone by, i do nothing else but this.Oh yeah, i do one more thing now - i smoke a whole packet of cigarettes a day, dont remember the last time i went out of the house for a walk.
Feel free to write long posts, i will gladly read it.

Good you don´t mind reading long post because that above is me restricting myself since I often write too much for people online.

I have thought about the same all day on my long walk in the sunny weather, that I can´t comprehend that I am not a 16 year old teenager anymore I am in fact a 25 years old adult despite I don´t feel like one at all and for the past 5 years I have done nothing but what was stated above and my social life died at 17 so I haven´t lived since then just 8 years of nothingness.

A couple months ago (or maybe it was 4-5 months ago i don´t know i have no perception of time anymore) I tried putting on my Goth gloves, wrist bands and just reminisced about back when I was Goth 10 years ago.. Just saying that TEN YEARS it really doesn´t feel like it was that long ago yet is is.
I am extremely obsessed with my youth e.g. teenage years but especially my childhood so here I am desperately wanting to be a 7 year old child again but am 25 years old I feel like I might as well be 70 years old I wanna be a happy carefree child again so bad! If there was 100% proof that I would wake up as a child again the second I kill myself I would shoot myself here and now because to me childhood is heaven on earth it was THAT good.

Everything was so exciting as a child there was a new adventure every day like a playdate with friends after school, hanging out with friends at school, watching an episode from a TV series e.g. Yugi-Oh, Beyblade, Pokemon, Jacki Chan animated series, Batman animated series and I could go on. I miss how fun and exciting everything in life was and I mean EVERYTHING! Like climbing trees, building forts/caves outside in the windbreaks at school, studying insects, playing with sticks, video games literally everything was fun as a child and I want to go back!

 

[Nobodysfault]

Good you don´t mind reading long post because that above is me restricting myself since I often write too much for people online.

I have thought about the same all day on my long walk in the sunny weather, that I can´t comprehend that I am not a 16 year old teenager anymore I am in fact a 25 years old adult despite I don´t feel like one at all and for the past 5 years I have done nothing but what was stated above and my social life died at 17 so I haven´t lived since then just 8 years of nothingness.

A couple months ago (or maybe it was 4-5 months ago i don´t know i have no perception of time anymore) I tried putting on my Goth gloves, wrist bands and just reminisced about back when I was Goth 10 years ago.. Just saying that TEN YEARS it really doesn´t feel like it was that long ago yet is is.
I am extremely obsessed with my youth e.g. teenage years but especially my childhood so here I am desperately wanting to be a 7 year old child again but am 25 years old I feel like I might as well be 70 years old I wanna be a happy carefree child again so bad! If there was 100% proof that I would wake up as a child again the second I kill myself I would shoot myself here and now because to me childhood is heaven on earth it was THAT good.

Everything was so exciting as a child there was a new adventure every day like a playdate with friends after school, hanging out with friends at school, watching an episode from a TV series e.g. Yugi-Oh, Beyblade, Pokemon, Jacki Chan animated series, Batman animated series and I could go on. I miss how fun and exciting everything in life was and I mean EVERYTHING! Like climbing trees, building forts/caves outside in the windbreaks at school, studying insects, playing with sticks, video games literally everything was fun as a child and I want to go back!

Same, im obsessed with my youth years and childhood and im almost 25 yo myself, cant grasp how 10 years has past from being 15. I wish i could be young again i would literally do anything to get that.
Im such a loser now and its pissing me of cause i knew i could be such an amazing person yet i ruined my life, damn, i wanted to be a doctor and travel the world yet now i cam barely stand right. Tragic. Where are you from?

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Same, im obsessed with my youth years and childhood and im almost 25 yo myself, cant grasp how 10 years has past from being 15. I wish i could be young again i would literally do anything to get that.
Im such a loser now and its pissing me of cause i knew i could be such an amazing person yet i ruined my life, damn, i wanted to be a doctor and travel the world yet now i cam barely stand right. Tragic. Where are you from?

I am just mad at time because time has stolen everything from me I haven´t done any action that led me to this point it was because a defect body with half a dozen physical problems and mental problems so I wasn´t in control at all it was inevitable. My happiness ended at 12 years old maybe 13 if we stretch it and I had depression from 14-20½ and since then just apathy and anhedonia, life should really just end after childhood everything beyond is just so torture.

I am from Denmark how about you?

 

[Nobodysfault]

I am just mad at time because time has stolen everything from me I haven´t done any action that led me to this point it was because a defect body with half a dozen physical problems and mental problems so I wasn´t in control at all it was inevitable. My happiness ended at 12 years old maybe 13 if we stretch it and I had depression from 14-20½ and since then just apathy and anhedonia, life should really just end after childhood everything beyond is just so torture.

I am from Denmark how about you?

Time scares me, it ruined my life.
I believe life can be beautiful but you really need to get your life together by 18 years old cause 25 is a different kind of fun, fun for those who lived life since they were young and now they blossom. I wish i was 18 again.
Im from israel.

 

[Sweet emotion]

Hey,
I became stupid due to too much time of nothingness, i cant understand what anyone means here.
I need to leave, im looking for an easly understandable way out. Please help me, i dont understand all of the complicated instruction no more.
I got Sn, i think, i need to check how vaild it is but i dont know how, i dont understand the instructions of anything, learning is blocked in my head. Help. Easy way out, clear instructions.
Thank you.

If you need an easy way out and don't understand anything anymore just jump from a high building.
What do you mean that you became stupid and you don't know what anything means? Do you mean it's hard for you to function it you don't understand words anymore? I've never heard of that one.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Time scares me, it ruined my life.
I believe life can be beautiful but you really need to get your life together by 18 years old cause 25 is a different kind of fun, fun for those who lived life since they were young and now they blossom. I wish i was 18 again.
Im from israel.

There really arent no time for having problems in life at least not as an adult people with mental problems like depression and apathy will never be on the same level as adults the same age they will always be years behind.

Also about time it´s so weird that as a child time was so exciting like becoming a year older was so cool and we felt so mature just by turning 10 because now we are not a 9 year old kid we are 10 years old haha I miss those times back when birthdays was something to be celebrated now birthdays are just a reminder that I am 1 more year further away from my perfect childhood.

 

[Astral316]

I agree you can "go retarded" due to depression and a lack of social stimulation. I can't make long posts because of it. But I at the very least understand the SN Wiki. It's very straight forward.

I also miss my childhood... nothing short of magical. The rose colored glasses were more like blinders though... set me up to fail later on.

 

[Nobodysfault]

If you need an easy way out and don't understand anything anymore just jump from a high building.
What do you mean that you became stupid and you don't know what anything means? Do you mean it's hard for you to function it you don't understand words anymore? I've never heard of that one.

Yeah, i completely lost my creativity, i dont remember how to function outside the house and i dont understand sentences, cant do math, have severe memory problems etc etc. Pretty much lost half of my IQ.

There really arent no time for having problems in life at least not as an adult people with mental problems like depression and apathy will never be on the same level as adults the same age they will always be years behind.

Also about time it´s so weird that as a child time was so exciting like becoming a year older was so cool and we felt so mature just by turning 10 because now we are not a 9 year old kid we are 10 years old haha I miss those times back when birthdays was something to be celebrated now birthdays are just a reminder that I am 1 more year further away from my perfect childhood.

How the fuck can we get out of this loop? I guess youre with me on the "dont wanna die wish i got a second chance from scartch" idea.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

How the fuck can we get out of this loop? I guess youre with me on the "dont wanna die wish i got a second chance from scartch" idea.

I definitely am and have hoped to get the motivation to make a thread about it all day but I really don´t have the energy or motivation atm.

 

[Nobodysfault]

I definitely am and have hoped to get the motivation to make a thread about it all day but I really don´t have the energy or motivation atm.

If you'll decide to make a thread send it to me, i'd be happy to read it

 

[LonelyCarioca]

I really don't feel you've the need to ctb. Maybe a little encouragement? Feel free to talk. Best wishes.

It is absolutely not your place to judge whether OP has the need to ctb or not. It is his or her choice, not yours.

 

[Sweet emotion]

Time scares me, it ruined my life.
I believe life can be beautiful but you really need to get your life together by 18 years old cause 25 is a different kind of fun, fun for those who lived life since they were young and now they blossom. I wish i was 18 again.
Im from israel.

I understand what you mean about time. I'm 34. At age 20 I developed Complex Regional Pain Syndrome which is the highest ranking pain condition in medical history. I lost 14 years of my life to this disease I don't feel like a woman. Although I'm able to fake it and act mature I don't really feel like a woman. I don't think of myself as a woman. I think of myself as a girl. People have asked me if I got better, which is never going to happen because there are no treatments or cures, would I still want to live. And my answer is NO. I've lost too much time already. I wouldn't know how to be in a relationship with someone. I wouldnt know how to get back into the swing of things. I lost the most important years of my life. No one wants to start living at the age of 34. I missed out on so much.