race
Member
- Feb 17, 2026
- 6
A few days ago, I planned to CTB by hanging in a small house that I could rent for one day. I had previously made a failed CTB attempt because it was partial-suspension hanging, but my new plan was full-suspension hanging.
Anyway, I rented the house for a day and left my apartment to go there and hang myself. I tied the rope to the ceiling, and everything was ready. I was waiting for the night so I could do it in the dark and no one would see me.
When the night came, I tried to take action, but I couldn't for some reason. I don't know if it was because of SI or the fear of the pain during hanging, even though I'm 100% sure that I want to CTB.
Because I couldn't do it, I decided to extend the stay for another night. The next night, the same thing happened. I couldn't do it. I couldn't kick the chair away and start hanging. This happened for three days.
Last night I tried to extend for the next day, but someone had already booked that night, so I couldn't extend again.
I have no intention of going back home. I only have my backpack, and apparently I'll be homeless for this whole day. Fortunately, tomorrow night at that house is available, and I booked it. But I'm worried about repeating the same cycle. I'm afraid that tomorrow I still won't be able to do it. I'm running out of money, and tomorrow feels like the only close chance I have.
For God's sake, all I want is to rest. I'm so tired. I wish I had some pills so I could just take them and die. The only method I have now is hanging, but it requires willpower, and SI kicks in easily.
How can I overwin my SI? How can I make sure I just fucking do it?
Anyway, I rented the house for a day and left my apartment to go there and hang myself. I tied the rope to the ceiling, and everything was ready. I was waiting for the night so I could do it in the dark and no one would see me.
When the night came, I tried to take action, but I couldn't for some reason. I don't know if it was because of SI or the fear of the pain during hanging, even though I'm 100% sure that I want to CTB.
Because I couldn't do it, I decided to extend the stay for another night. The next night, the same thing happened. I couldn't do it. I couldn't kick the chair away and start hanging. This happened for three days.
Last night I tried to extend for the next day, but someone had already booked that night, so I couldn't extend again.
I have no intention of going back home. I only have my backpack, and apparently I'll be homeless for this whole day. Fortunately, tomorrow night at that house is available, and I booked it. But I'm worried about repeating the same cycle. I'm afraid that tomorrow I still won't be able to do it. I'm running out of money, and tomorrow feels like the only close chance I have.
For God's sake, all I want is to rest. I'm so tired. I wish I had some pills so I could just take them and die. The only method I have now is hanging, but it requires willpower, and SI kicks in easily.
How can I overwin my SI? How can I make sure I just fucking do it?
