Venting I backed out again

[EmbraceOfTheVoid]

I did take the meto, antacid, painkillers, and mixed the SN but couldn't get myself to do it. I know I will commit suicide eventually since it's inevitable for me but it isn't the right time now. I think I'll try to take advantage of the opportunity I've been given to try and have some good in life with a friend of mine if it's possible since I've never had any good in my life.

It seems like I was ctbing because I felt trapped due to my family coming back from vacation and have been sick of dealing with them. I find comfort in the idea of being able to leave whenever I want but it's the opposite when people are around that would FORCE me to live which gives me suicidal urges. It's funny in a way; people that want me to live against my will make me FAR more suicidal.

Anyways, sorry for the spectacle and the goodbye thread. I promise there will be a real one in the future when I do actually end my life.

 

[K-O]

have some good in life

get on that good stuff mate! wooo

 

[AnxietyAttack44]

Its ok. You dont ever have to ctb for us. Or feel bad bout anything. Just chill with us. Were all in this together

 

[Brokenwithbpd]

I'm glad your here still. Be well. It's nice to have on hand just in case

 

[EmbraceOfTheVoid]

Its ok. You dont ever have to ctb for us. Or feel bad bout anything. Just chill with us. Were all in this together

Are you from Croatia? I was born in Bosnia.

I'm glad your here still. Be well. It's nice to have on hand just in case

I ended up tossing the remainder of the SN actually as I didn't want to risk using something that's been exposed to a lot of air. But yeah having a method on hand is comforting; I'll have to order a new bottle eventually and store it in the bank haha.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

It's totally normal to back out. You don't need to justify it to yourself or to anyone else; you didn't want to end your life at that moment so you didn't.

 

[I screwed up]

Not to feel ashamed or feel bad u backed out. Its not easy to ctb .. Probably the most toughest decision on takes in life. U take ur time buddy .. We will always be by ur side .. Hugs

 

[Broken Chimera]

There's no shame in backing out. Take time out to find out what you want. We're here for you.

 

[Life_and_Death]

"It's funny in a way; people that want me to live against my will make me FAR more suicidal "
i personally dont find that funny. once there isnt any pressure you dont feel the need to do it anymore. i personally find that when people leave me alone with my ways im less likely to do it.

 

[Lostandfound7]

U NEVER have to "promise" us a real goodbye thread..NEVER! This is YOUR life and NOT to be taken lightly..Tho this is the nature of the site, I highly doubt many of us get pleasure in seeing "Goodbye" threads..It's more so a reminder for me of how painful life can be...

I'm happy ur still here with us, Boo♡♡♡

 

[Fullof pain]

You were brave enough to do what is right for you at this time and that takes courage. So carry on dancing to your own tune!!

 

[Emily123]

wellcome back to the life

 

[LastRide]

Live or die, always remember the choice is YOURS and only yours ! Don't let yourself be put under pressure by anyone !

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I've backed out a few times. No shame in it.

 

[TAW122]

No worries about it and I too, have postponed my CTB at least three separate times due to the changes IRL and what not. First time near end of 2018, May 2019, and then December 2019 (last year). This time, I plan to go sometime before the end of 2020 and then only thing that would change is if there is some unexpected event that forces me to postpone. The first three times were just minor recoveries, enough to make me go from being actively suicidal to passively suicidal.

Anyways, I hope you have peace during your interim.

 

[nooo2]

Of course, glad you're here. I too have backed out and I'll probably end up going later this year or next year, can't live with depression anymore or how shitty this world and people are.

 

[NotMeantForHere]

I did take the meto, antacid, painkillers, and mixed the SN but couldn't get myself to do it. I know I will commit suicide eventually since it's inevitable for me but it isn't the right time now. I think I'll try to take advantage of the opportunity I've been given to try and have some good in life with a friend of mine if it's possible since I've never had any good in my life.

It seems like I was ctbing because I felt trapped due to my family coming back from vacation and have been sick of dealing with them. I find comfort in the idea of being able to leave whenever I want but it's the opposite when people are around that would FORCE me to live which gives me suicidal urges. It's funny in a way; people that want me to live against my will make me FAR more suicidal.

Anyways, sorry for the spectacle and the goodbye thread. I promise there will be a real one in the future when I do actually end my life.

I feel the same exact way about CTBing being inevitable for me, but don't quite feel ready to do it yet. That's good that you at least feel like you can try to have some good in your life before you do

 

[Bct]

It's okay. You don't have to force yourself to CTB or to live. Just do it when you feel it's the right time for you.

 

[Abgrundanziehung]

Go and find some good then. No one here thinks it's a spectacle. And don't worry, I don't think anyone gets kicked out of the club here for not going through with it.