I'm on my first ever vacation with my boyfriend, and mother. We went to visit my aunt. I've never felt this type of peace before, my boyfriend and I never had a vacation before and normally we are working/stressed/worried about money. I've yet to move out because of my family's culture.
I've let people convince me that moving out is possible, and I just realized it isn't. One post will barely scratch the surface on how fucked up my family is, but I'll try to explain what happened today.
I've a codependent relationship with my mother, I've always been the one that took care of her ever since I could remember. She's very immature and Can never be rational, she thinks with her emotions. It was very hard on her when I first started dating my boyfriend, since I finally began leaving the fucking house and spending more time with him and our friends.
She suicide baited me twice already this month, because I "don't" spend time with her. Albeit I do spend time with her, it's never enough for her. She wants me to be a child again and to be with her again. I feel like gypsy rose from the show, the act, as well as the real life case.
My boyfriend and I were having breakfast today, and we were talking to my aunt's husband. She came out of her room and she was asking me why I didn't ask about her this morning, in a sickly sweet tone. She uses that tone when there are other people around, but I knew that was the calm before the storm. She returned to her room and she texted me she knew she made me mad. I had to go talk to her to calm her down. She was crying because she missed her cat, and she was convinced that my aunt's cat was racist towards her religion, and that's why the cat won't come to her. I told her that cats are usually skittish around new people so that's why the damn thing wouldn't come near us all.
She then told me that animals can be racist, and a dog from a fucking cartoon show was being racist towards a character from the show king of the hill. I had to tell a 47 year old woman to not believe in cartoons. It's just a god damn cartoon meant for entertainment, and it is fantasy. What kind of fuckery is that?
The thing that pushed me to the edge is that she called me hot because I had my hair put up in a man bun, and she said we all looked hot. (My boyfriend, cousin, and his girlfriend.) I've never felt so embarrassed.
I realize now that I won't ever escape her, and I just want to kill myself on my 24th birthday. I May do this method that my cousin tried, something with cleaning supplies in a bucket in my vehicle.
I just wish I don't have to put my boyfriend through that. He's already had a hard life. But I'm such a coward, and a manchild. If I continue living, I'm just going to end up like my mother. No amount of therapy or medications will amount to anything.
I wish I wasn't forced to be born. I wish I was a stillborn. I wish I could give my life to someone with actual potential to do good to this dying world. I wish I didn't sound like a spoiled brat.
I've let people convince me that moving out is possible, and I just realized it isn't. One post will barely scratch the surface on how fucked up my family is, but I'll try to explain what happened today.
I've a codependent relationship with my mother, I've always been the one that took care of her ever since I could remember. She's very immature and Can never be rational, she thinks with her emotions. It was very hard on her when I first started dating my boyfriend, since I finally began leaving the fucking house and spending more time with him and our friends.
She suicide baited me twice already this month, because I "don't" spend time with her. Albeit I do spend time with her, it's never enough for her. She wants me to be a child again and to be with her again. I feel like gypsy rose from the show, the act, as well as the real life case.
My boyfriend and I were having breakfast today, and we were talking to my aunt's husband. She came out of her room and she was asking me why I didn't ask about her this morning, in a sickly sweet tone. She uses that tone when there are other people around, but I knew that was the calm before the storm. She returned to her room and she texted me she knew she made me mad. I had to go talk to her to calm her down. She was crying because she missed her cat, and she was convinced that my aunt's cat was racist towards her religion, and that's why the cat won't come to her. I told her that cats are usually skittish around new people so that's why the damn thing wouldn't come near us all.
She then told me that animals can be racist, and a dog from a fucking cartoon show was being racist towards a character from the show king of the hill. I had to tell a 47 year old woman to not believe in cartoons. It's just a god damn cartoon meant for entertainment, and it is fantasy. What kind of fuckery is that?
The thing that pushed me to the edge is that she called me hot because I had my hair put up in a man bun, and she said we all looked hot. (My boyfriend, cousin, and his girlfriend.) I've never felt so embarrassed.
I realize now that I won't ever escape her, and I just want to kill myself on my 24th birthday. I May do this method that my cousin tried, something with cleaning supplies in a bucket in my vehicle.
I just wish I don't have to put my boyfriend through that. He's already had a hard life. But I'm such a coward, and a manchild. If I continue living, I'm just going to end up like my mother. No amount of therapy or medications will amount to anything.
I wish I wasn't forced to be born. I wish I was a stillborn. I wish I could give my life to someone with actual potential to do good to this dying world. I wish I didn't sound like a spoiled brat.
