Largeletters
Alone
- Jan 21, 2020
- 640
I ask myself this question constantly. I first attempted suicide 7 years ago. So I've been hearing the words "it gets better," for at least 7 years, if not more. My life has just been a sea of chaos and fucked shit since I was born. I've been to God only knows how many funerals. I'm not going to act like the past 7 years everything has been bad because it hasn't, but things haven't gotten better as a whole. You know what I'm FUCKING sick of? The evil, shitty people of this world having amazing lives, and here's me, still suffering. The people who bullied me (physically and verbally) because my father was in prison (he's out now) over a prolonged period of time have good lives, why can't I?
I still have love in my heart but there's also an endless amount of bitterness, anger and hatred for others and myself.
8 psych hospitalizations, several different medications, in and out of therapy since I was 4 years old, I'm just fucking done with all this bullshit. I have no hope, and life is just getting worse by the days. My father might have cancer (we're very close) and I'm beginning to think I have PTSD. I've already been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, unspecified anxiety, and OCD.
I fucking hate my ex girlfriend. It sounds sick but I hope she can come to my funeral and look at my casket and think about all the fucked ass she did. I hate that stupid immature bitch and if she ever tries to contact me again, she needs to watch the fuck out. It'll throw me over the edge, and that will be the final straw. I will kill myself. She was manipulative, controlling, other things.
If only I was confident in completing suicide. I hope I do complete it and it doesn't give me brain damage.
Will this be my last post? I have no idea. Before I logged on today, I hadn't posted or logged on (I think) since September.
Whoever read this entire post, hopefully with an open heart, I appreciate you.
I still have love in my heart but there's also an endless amount of bitterness, anger and hatred for others and myself.
8 psych hospitalizations, several different medications, in and out of therapy since I was 4 years old, I'm just fucking done with all this bullshit. I have no hope, and life is just getting worse by the days. My father might have cancer (we're very close) and I'm beginning to think I have PTSD. I've already been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, unspecified anxiety, and OCD.
I fucking hate my ex girlfriend. It sounds sick but I hope she can come to my funeral and look at my casket and think about all the fucked ass she did. I hate that stupid immature bitch and if she ever tries to contact me again, she needs to watch the fuck out. It'll throw me over the edge, and that will be the final straw. I will kill myself. She was manipulative, controlling, other things.
If only I was confident in completing suicide. I hope I do complete it and it doesn't give me brain damage.
Will this be my last post? I have no idea. Before I logged on today, I hadn't posted or logged on (I think) since September.
Whoever read this entire post, hopefully with an open heart, I appreciate you.
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