I believe the shame I received around the attempts I did make, the earliest being when I was a child, caused me to have more attempts that have led me to have a great deal of complex trauma, and possibly physical and worse mental problems too. I have been reading the posts in the thread for months, and its strangely comforting to know that other people feel a range of emotions I thought I was alone with, but I also feel hurt on others behalf because I am well aware of what it can be like. I am not good at expressing or articulating myself so apologies, I am most likely not saying what I genuinely want to. After being sectioned over a year ago, I have held off on any attempts (being locked in a room alone whilst suicidal doesn't help, it just deepens what is already hurting, in my opinion, and for me, it just made me lie and hide my suicidal behaviour better). I have been following the right to die movement since I was a child.. saving for the bus ride and a few years ago became a member of a popular organisation.
My main concern is making minimal amount of noise/distraction as possible. No one wants to have to deal with their suicidal housemate not only dying, but doing so very slowly, and messily, and noisily (I left my 'family' home, kind of like a mock death and once I knew what I already knew, they didn't actually care, it has made my plans speed up. Since then I have been preparing by loosing some weight, organising my belongings, and avoiding suspicion, which I have done successfully. I have an advanced request.
Finally one thing I always prepare for, is if an attempt doesn't work,( years of shame have convinced me its easier to not open up about these things but, I promised myself I wouldn't attempt again if I knew I could come back) but I am really desperate, but also wanted to be more aware of side effects if I were to attempt again.
I have access to (thought I had a lot more.. but can always acquire more) Risperidol, Remeron, Celexa,promethazine, Procyclidine. + (strong pain relief, ie co-codamol)
I would be grateful to hear from anyone with some insight in if any of these would be useful.
I have read a lot on SN (there are so many mixed reviews), I am fully aware whatever method I choose will come with undesired pain/discomfort/whatever else, I can deal with that, but I am keen to avoid public places as previous attempts have led to a handcuffs, and a 1st class ticket to a cell). I am really desperate for some peace in my last moments, and by peace I mean being allowed to go without intervention.
So I am curious, I am from the UK, I would even welcome travelling for a peaceful method, but for now SN seems like the only reasonable method. I have been looking on alibaba but would welcome some guidance. Feel free to PM me
My main concern is making minimal amount of noise/distraction as possible. No one wants to have to deal with their suicidal housemate not only dying, but doing so very slowly, and messily, and noisily (I left my 'family' home, kind of like a mock death and once I knew what I already knew, they didn't actually care, it has made my plans speed up. Since then I have been preparing by loosing some weight, organising my belongings, and avoiding suspicion, which I have done successfully. I have an advanced request.
Finally one thing I always prepare for, is if an attempt doesn't work,( years of shame have convinced me its easier to not open up about these things but, I promised myself I wouldn't attempt again if I knew I could come back) but I am really desperate, but also wanted to be more aware of side effects if I were to attempt again.
I have access to (thought I had a lot more.. but can always acquire more) Risperidol, Remeron, Celexa,promethazine, Procyclidine. + (strong pain relief, ie co-codamol)
I would be grateful to hear from anyone with some insight in if any of these would be useful.
I have read a lot on SN (there are so many mixed reviews), I am fully aware whatever method I choose will come with undesired pain/discomfort/whatever else, I can deal with that, but I am keen to avoid public places as previous attempts have led to a handcuffs, and a 1st class ticket to a cell). I am really desperate for some peace in my last moments, and by peace I mean being allowed to go without intervention.
So I am curious, I am from the UK, I would even welcome travelling for a peaceful method, but for now SN seems like the only reasonable method. I have been looking on alibaba but would welcome some guidance. Feel free to PM me
