I am tired of searching for a girlfriend

[noname223]

Yeah I am really tired. I think many come to this conclusion when they get one rejection after another. Always when I get rejected I feel humiliated and I hate that feeling. I think the reasons why I get rejected are not arbitrary they have an inherent system. When I am hypomanic the women reject me because the only thing I talk about is politics and they observe how I am obsessed by what other people think of me which is not very attractive. During major depressions I behave really socially awkward. This is on a level which is very very cringe. The last serious crush rejected me due to the paranoia I had when I first met her and the socially awkward thing. I could make her laugh with good jokes and we had similar values. But I was too much of a freak which is quite embarrassing. I often develop paranoia when I meet a girl which I consider as really attractive. My mind always tells me she is already in love with me at the beginning. Bruh I fucking hate my brain.

I think it is more or less almost impossible for me to find a partner. Maybe if she was like really really desperate. But I don't want a relationship for the sake of having a relationship. Some days ago a good looking woman gave me a beautiful smile. We had a little conversation. Maybe it is just her usual smile. I thought whether I should try to prolong the conversation somehow. But I did not. I thought my brain will fuck it up anyhow. No matter how hard I try. In this situation it would have been difficult to ask for her number or something like that. There were other people around us and a little conversation does not mean anything. I think we previously talked one time before.

I can't take any of these rejections anymore. It hurts too much, my self-esteem is very very low and I hate myself a lot. I think I am such a loser I don't want to punish any woman by having a relationship with me. I think if I really like someone it might be better for the other person to look for a more stable person. This probably won't ever change. Always when I am at the beginning of getting a crush my brain fucks it up. I am so tired. I sometimes think I should not try it anymore. I should get over it and losing the hope to ever find a partner. But it hurts.

 

[OldDrummer]

I see where you're coming from. I was in a similar situation. It's when you learn to let go and not give a f*ck that they come after you.

Seriously dude, learn to let go. In my 50's now, thought I was ugly in my 20's, but looking back on photos, I was far from.

I know it sounds cheesy, buy you can't expect people to like/love you if you can't even do the same for yourself. It's like the foundations for a house.

Wishing you the very best of luck. You deserve it.

 

[Sherri]

So that date with that girl the other day didn't go forward? Sorry noname :(

 

[Ethereal Knight]

"Hope is, in fact, the greatest of all evils, because it prolongs the sufferings of men." (Nietzsche)

you can't expect people to like/love you if you can't even do the same for yourself.

thanks for letting me know that I'll never have a girlfriend / be happy in a relationship.
seriously, no irony here, knowing that gives me freedom. some people were not made for relationships and I'm one of them. time to swallow the black pill.

you're not alone, @noname223
I hope you either find what you're looking for or break free.

check this threadh ttps://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/are-you-happier-single-or-with-a-partner.56820 and you'll notice a lot of people are happier single for a number of reasons. it's nice to hear an opposite view. me too want to have affection, love, sex etc but honestly I may just be idealizing the other side's grass, which always looks greener.
there's also this thread https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/i-think-love-is-not-such-a-big-deal.63799 which also has an opposite take on that topic. it's good to see other sides.

 

[noname223]

So that date with that girl the other day didn't go forward? Sorry noname :(

It was not a real date. We just had a longer conversation on our way home.
But I appreciate your words :)

 

[summers]

the only thing I talk about is politics and they observe how I am obsessed by what other people think of me which is not very attractive.

You literally know exactly what your problem is. You talk too much. Be a good listener. No one gives a fuck about politics when they're getting to know you. Also, stop letting people know you give a shit what others think about you.

You're not going to change anything, not politics, not what others think about you. So don't worry about that, have fun on a date, and talk about music, movies, art, travel, what the girl is interested in, what her goals are.

You can do this. There are tons of videos on youtube to watch for advice. Best of luck!

 

[Sherri]

It was not a real date. We just had a longer conversation on our way home.
But I appreciate your words :)

it's ok, you know I care about you. Hugs

 

[Sherri]

Don't search, when the right time comes she will show up. That's what happened to me. Took me 5 years noname.

 

[ConstantBattle]

Man that hits home. I've read that men tend to get rejected a lot, so we just got to keep going and not take it personally. I was at a point where i just didn't bother anymore because of fear of rejection. Now I'm getting close to 40 and still a virgin and never had a girlfriend.
Now it doesn't matter anymore, I'll probably get rejected a thousand times more before i meet the one and I've accepted that. I'll just keep trying, but i hate it how difficult it is to talk to single women that i find very attractive. If shes already in a relationship or married I've got no problems talking to them, but if shes single, my brain goes into panic mode and I'm constantly afraid I'll do or say something wrong. We just got to keep going, every rejection or conversation seems to get easier to handle.

I should make a post here eventually because i feel the need to tell someone about how i feel and it hurts me mentally to keep it all bottled up.

 

[S like suicide]

often develop paranoia when I meet a girl which I consider as really attractive. My mind always tells me she is already in love with me at the beginning.

In the sense that you imagine the two of you already in a relationship and then you are disappointed by the expectations not met?

 

[noname223]

In the sense that you imagine the two of you already in a relationship and then you are disappointed by the expectations not met?

Not really. I rather assume that the other women have a crush on me. Some of them were truely interested in me but I destroyed everything because I talked about feelings and that shit way too early

 

[S like suicide]

Not really. I rather assume that the other women have a crush on me. Some of them were truely interested in me but I destroyed everything because I talked about feelings and that shit way too early

Mmm...i see,my advice however is keep trying.whoever persists wins.
At least you will talk with a lot of girls and you will try...it's not so bad

 

[noname223]

Mmm...i see,my advice however is keep trying.whoever persists wins.
At least you will talk with a lot of girls and you will try...it's not so bad

I hope that my brain will learn from these experiences. At least I hope so. Maybe I will know one day how I can stop this annyoing habit

 

[S like suicide]

I hope that my brain will learn from these experiences. At least I hope so. Maybe I will know one day how I can stop this annyoing habit

Exactly....keep trying is the key,i'm sure you will have your girlfriend,maybe someone that want talk of politics all the time like you

 

[noname223]

Exactly....keep trying is the key,i'm sure you will have your girlfriend,maybe someone that want talk of politics all the time like you

I think I can decrease the time when I am talking about politics. The problem was some years ago I was hypomanic. I lost control about myself. Now it is for me very important not to become manic again. It is more healthy and I hope I won't lose control again. I hate that.