i AM the crazy ex girlfriend

[lady sea]

Storytime.

My ex and I broke up MONTHS ago on semi bad terms but I won't get into that. The break up never got me upset all that much (I don't get attached easily) even though we dated for 9 months. Anyways, she is now in the army and does not have access to her phone until end of October. A couple weeks ago I got a spam notification from her email. I had forgotten I had her email on my phone. Keep in mind when we dated, she never let me near her phone I never questioned it before.... now I get why. I decided to log into her instagram with the email, YES I KNOW it was a bad idea and I should've respected her privacy but curiosity got the best of me. I snoop through just ONE persons messages and found out she cheated on me twice. With the two people I told her I had problems with most. I instantly was so shattered but at the same time I was so happy. I got clarity on why she was so secretive and protective. I got clarity on why she would do so much of what she did before. Moving on with the story, I was furious especially since I didn't know before and it took months for me to actually find out. I went a bit overboard after that... I was mad so please understand but I changed the password to her instagram using her email since I didn't know the original password, then I went onto changing the password to her email which I knew because of when she logged into it on my phone I remembered her saying it. Now I have full access to her account and she won't even know until the end of October... I know I messed up but I don't know her original password so I can't change it back and now im scared she's gonna know it was me and she'll come find and abuse me again. Mental abuse I mean, because I know if she came back, I would take her back no matter what. I miss her love and I know she didn't love me back (clearly because she cheated on me) but it still felt like she did and I miss the feeling of feeling like Im loved you know?

 

[LonelyNick]

I personally don't believe in monogamy. I think it's another dumb society construct to force conformity, like gender. I could go on this tengeant about bonobos but let's not.

Anyway, having one person fulfill your needs is unreal in my opinion, couples can become swingers, poly, cheat, treesome... Humans are social creatures. We crave for comfort, attention and love. We should open our hearts not close them. Love is a spectrum of ice cream flavours and if you always eat vanilla well. Of course ice cream is bad. Try something wild like Mango next time.

Live and love outside the box and your heart will shatter a little less...

 

[Xocoyotziin]

I personally don't believe in monogamy. I think it's another dumb society construct to force conformity, like gender. I could go on this tengeant about bonobos but let's not.

Anyway, having one person fulfill your needs is unreal in my opinion, couples can become swingers, poly, cheat, treesome... Humans are social creatures. We crave for comfort, attention and love. We should open our hearts not close them. Love is a spectrum of ice cream flavours and if you always eat vanilla well. Of course ice cream is bad. Try something wild like Mango next time.

Live and love outside the box and your heart will shatter a little less...

I mean that's all well and good when you're honest about it. Fuck cheaters though, they violate trust first and foremost when they could have declared their intentions outright.

Still a monogamist by nature in any case. If that separates me from bonobos I have no qualms with it. But as an exception to this broad spectrum view of human nature, I can say that it is not every human's nature to be polygamous.

 

[LonelyNick]

I mean that's all well and good when you're honest about it. Fuck cheaters though, they violate trust first and foremost when they could have declared their intentions outright.

Still a monogamist by nature in any case. If that separates me from bonobos I have no qualms with it. But as an exception to this broad spectrum view of human nature, I can say that it is not every human's nature to be polygamous.

Fuck cheaters 100% agreed.

You like vanilla and it's fine! Totally valid. I had vanilla for a time and I liked it. Then I had pistachios and I never came back hahaha!! I just, never thought of trying it because it was green send scary. A friend offered a bite once and I was sold.

Also I see toxic exes like allergies. I love peanut butter and chocolate chip but each time I eat it I go into anaphylactic shock, I should stay away. Epipen can only save you so many times...

 

[Xocoyotziin]

But to address the OP, others may disagree with me but your actions were justified solely by the fact that your intuition about her turned out to be right. I mean, I'm not encouraging it, because they very well may have turned out not to be right, and the entire thing screams of trust issues, and it doesn't make sense to commit to someone you don't trust. But I'd think hard about what your relationship with her really is before taking her back as opposed to to impulsively accepting her just to sate your addiction to her.

Instead of beating yourself up, assess the situation.

@LonelyNick
Fuck yeah, vanilla's my shit. And I make it taste so good you'll forget why you liked other flavors to begin with

 

[LonelyNick]

@LonelyNick
Fuck yeah, vanilla's my shit. And I make it taste so good you'll forget why you liked other flavors to begin with

Amazing confidence, I love it xD

 

[Disappointered]

I can kind of relate to this even but more just in terms of general social relations rather than romantic relationships (mostly because I've had very few romantic relationships). I always found myself contending in the social marketplace with my hands forcibly tied behind my back due to being made up of very unusual socio-cultural elements and having that starting point further exacerbated by bad parents. It's winner take all and the burdens imposed upon me were always greater than whatever few benefits I had or came across by luck so as my garbage existence dragged on (decades now) my marketability only diminished. Along the way I had to make gradual but ever increasing compromises to my sense of self-respect and to the original standards and morals I had when I was young, notably in my choice of "friendships" (quotations because they were never real ones even though I wanted to see them that way) and how I handled varying forms of abuse over the years within those few "friendships". Eventually I had to just admit to myself that they had very little value and that the ratio of disrespect to illusion of friendship was no longer worth it, even if I could try to trick myself into continuing to believe the illusion.

I got really depressed again a couple of years ago and tried to find a friend (hadn't had any for a few years apart from gf). I did end up meeting someone at my neighborhood community center who is also somewhat marginalized due to having developed Parkinson's. At first I was happy about it. I realized that we didn't have a stellar friendship early on just based on a sense that he was being charitable (I am obviously marginalized and lonely) and that we didn't have all that much to talk about. However, over time the concern became much more serious. He would disrespect me in subtle ways that eventually got to be less subtle. Then at one point he did so in an overt manner in front of someone else and in a manner that reminded me of the way he disrespected his wife in front of me on a few occasions until he realized that I'd noticed and retained it. He did it when he'd brought another semi-friend of his over and I assume he saw her as more important in the hierarchy therefore believing he could start relegating me to bitch status (same status as his current wife). I am pretty miserable but the loss of self-respect that comes from the only options to alleviate the misery cancels the benefit out. It's very sad to even have to be making that kind of calculation to yourself. Anyone with a healthy existence wouldn't bother. They'd just terminate without hesitation upon noticing disrespect.

I can understand the OP's concern. Only the OP can be sure whether this applies to her but for some people none of the options restore life to livable. Perhaps this just demonstrates that certain people with no social capital should, after crossing certain thresholds from which it is almost impossible to return without windfalls, be put down humanely. Ideally society will develop a culture that doesn't train people to be opposed to being put down if it's rationally the best thing for them, so it while could be refused with no questions asked most people would just be glad to finally truly deal with their problems through death. I wish I could embrace suicide more easily. Rationally, it is what needs to happen. I have to wonder how many people in positions of power or who are medical doctors, psychologists or sociologists know there are people who would be better off dead but won't say so publicly. We need to create a suicide positive culture to save people from unnecessary suffering since "we" won't be able to adjust society so that everyone can be happy.