I am stuck

[Kuolema]

Hello. I am in recovery. For many years I watched my life fall apart and did nothing to stop it. I gave up on being a person. Because I wasn't happy with who I was. Never felt like I was enough so I never put myself out there. I spent many years sitting in my bedroom thinking of new reasons to hate myself. I finally summoned up the courage to speak to people online. Started chatting with a girl on here. Became closer and closer as time went on. Until eventually I confessed my love to her. And she said it was not unrequited. I have been in a long distance relationship for a few months now. It has been the best few months of my life. But it has been difficult. I am still suicidal in many ways. I am an emotional wreck. Bipolar af. But I just keep telling myself that I can change. I am so fucking in love with her its ridiculous. I want a life with her I really do. But I am full of so much self-hatred. On top of all of my emotional problems I am a shut in. I rent a house but I have no car and no job. I live off of disability pension. I am also fat and smoke cigarettes. I just dont even know where to start. I am stuck. All I fucking want in the world is a life with this girl and if I'm going to have that I need to change everything. Anyone have any advice for me?

 

[Sensei]

I recognize this so well. Well, not the actual details, save for also being bipolar, but the fact that whenever I meet someone, I start worrying about the future instead of living in the moment. The trick is of course to focus on the here and now. Any potential problems will probably sort themselves out later on. That's what normal people do, it seems. It is, however, easier said than done.

 

[jgm63]

Hello. I am in recovery. For many years I watched my life fall apart and did nothing to stop it. I gave up on being a person. Because I wasn't happy with who I was. Never felt like I was enough so I never put myself out there. I spent many years sitting in my bedroom thinking of new reasons to hate myself. I finally summoned up the courage to speak to people online. Started chatting with a girl on here. Became closer and closer as time went on. Until eventually I confessed my love to her. And she said it was not unrequited. I have been in a long distance relationship for a few months now. It has been the best few months of my life. But it has been difficult. I am still suicidal in many ways. I am an emotional wreck. Bipolar af. But I just keep telling myself that I can change. I am so fucking in love with her its ridiculous. I want a life with her I really do. But I am full of so much self-hatred. On top of all of my emotional problems I am a shut in. I rent a house but I have no car and no job. I live off of disability pension. I am also fat and smoke cigarettes. I just dont even know where to start. I am stuck. All I fucking want in the world is a life with this girl and if I'm going to have that I need to change everything. Anyone have any advice for me?

Can you try to work out solutions with her, so you both work on it together ?
I suppose it would have to be one-step-at-a-time... Bite sizes would be the only way (otherwise your mind will panic and say "this is too much, I can't do this")

Can you start cutting down the cigarettes, and start making healthier choices ?
There's youtube videos of people who have made amazing transformations to their body and health.