TAW122
Emissary of the right to die.
- Aug 30, 2018
- 7,359
About a month or so ago, my father had a conversation with me just about random stuff and when the topic about my hobby came up, he said "TAW122, remember when you said that if your music hobby was no longer viable or unable to pursue it the way you like, that you'd find life to not be worth living?" Knowing from common sense and personal experience that I don't want to raise red flags or blow my cover, I answered carefully. I responded with "Yes, in the past, I did make such a statement, but my hobby isn't really dead as I am hoping for a special circumstance to bring it back." Basically, I've told a half-truth with a twist in an attempt to cover up my main reasoning and to avoid directly, openly admitting to wanting to CTB. I also didn't elaborate on what this "special circumstance" is to my father as he didn't pry deeper into what it is. I then changed the subject to avoid further probing into that statement.
You see, when it comes to topics of CTB, death, and/or taboo subjects that carry a risk of setting off red flags, drawing unnecessary attention and invasion of my privacy in the name of "help", then I am minimizing as much as possible my chances of getting misconstrued or having my cover blown. Now, here is something that most people would not understand is: How am I consistent with my word? It is consistent in the sense that yes, while my music hobby is dead due to all the aforementioned reasons in another thread (and I know it myself), I plan to bring it back by fulfilling one of my ultimate dreams which involves my ladyfriend. In the event that things don't go well (or poorly) with my future encounter with said ladyfriend person (whenever that is, like after the pandemic), then that would certainly be a catalyst for my CTB'ing soon (earliest possible time) afterward that. In such a situation, I would still be CTB'ing due to the death of my music hobby, among all other reasons as well.
To put it simply, one of my major reasons for CTB'ing is the death of my music hobby and that will never change (unless I manage to fulfill my ultimate dream which will involve my ladyfriend). Hope this makes sense.
Edit: Changed some words to clear up any potential confusion or misunderstandings.
You see, when it comes to topics of CTB, death, and/or taboo subjects that carry a risk of setting off red flags, drawing unnecessary attention and invasion of my privacy in the name of "help", then I am minimizing as much as possible my chances of getting misconstrued or having my cover blown. Now, here is something that most people would not understand is: How am I consistent with my word? It is consistent in the sense that yes, while my music hobby is dead due to all the aforementioned reasons in another thread (and I know it myself), I plan to bring it back by fulfilling one of my ultimate dreams which involves my ladyfriend. In the event that things don't go well (or poorly) with my future encounter with said ladyfriend person (whenever that is, like after the pandemic), then that would certainly be a catalyst for my CTB'ing soon (earliest possible time) afterward that. In such a situation, I would still be CTB'ing due to the death of my music hobby, among all other reasons as well.
To put it simply, one of my major reasons for CTB'ing is the death of my music hobby and that will never change (unless I manage to fulfill my ultimate dream which will involve my ladyfriend). Hope this makes sense.
Edit: Changed some words to clear up any potential confusion or misunderstandings.
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