I am sorry

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Hi. I wanted to apologize to the community for lashing out. When I made my post about leaving, I did it out of feeling overwhelmed. My suicidal thoughts were steamrolling down hill and I hit a point where I felt suicide was the answer. I dont know if I feel that way per say, but ive been in a bad place. I am sorry for worrying everyone. I am sorry for causing any confusion. What I did was immature saying I was gonna leave and then....well....I'm here

If you guys won't mind me asking, but I have a bit of a situation. I had a job to work for and I ended up being discharged. In a way I did it to myself since I wasn't 100% into the program nor was I that dedicated. I feel like a failure though. I took up a position that....someone else could have had and I failed them. I feel like a horrible human being that should kill myself

I am sorry if I am a burden here and shouldn't be here. I hope its not a problem

 

[Deleted member 19276]

You did nothing wrong... We are people with a specific set of emotions, so please, whatever guilt you may believe you have, drop it and carry on.
The fact you wish to resume here as well and had the courage to let us know you were acting mainly on a triggered suicidal impulse... Not a lot of people may take the time to do something like this. I personally, could tell you care. A lot. Sending a hug your way!

As for the job situation, it's completely fine, I trust it that you will end up with a new one. As someone who has never had a job and is now hitting his 26 years, you still did much better than me at least. I actually do feel like I could learn more from you if anything, with those experiences at least, but we shall see.
Thank you again for this message, I do believe you are being very brave, even if the suicidal urges are trying to finish you off or well, put you down.
But anyway, sorry if this is sort of lame, just hoping you could manage to feel alright at least.

 

[InterstateFlowers]

No, no, you're not a burden!! Thank you for apologizing but I didn't see what you were doing as lashing out at all! I'm sure all of the members who saw that post felt the same way. We're just worried for you, I doubt anyone looks at you with disdain or scorn for feeling overwhelmed. Being the nature of S.S, you're not alone feeling like you've hit a rut and suicide is the only option. It's not a problem talking about this stuff either! I'm sorry you're going through this.

 

[Living_Hurts_so_Much]

i have my moments as well. Always happy to listen.

 

[socrates]

Stop overthinking! You didn't do anything wrong. I'm not even sure how you could come to that conclusion. You don't deserve to die, if you choose to CTB it should because you'd be better off dead, not because you deserve it.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

You've done nothing wrong so please don't beat yourself up over that.

I understand your pain about the job. It hurts deeply to feel inadequate, especially when it's in a formal setting like that. I think you did what you could and did a good job considering how you are struggling. Many people could not even bring themselves to apply for a job so take that as a small victory.

 

[ravergirl]

You're fine. You're definitely not a burden. Feel free to reach out to me if you ever want to talk. <3

 

[Belit667]

I've failed several lousy jobs and I have no regrests at all. Horns up!

 

[Joey]

It happens and just know that in the end, we're all here for ya! Take the time you need and as long as you want. :)

 

[color_me_gone]

We are a friendly community here on SS.
We know depression, and we know that sometimes, you just need to vent.
That's what we're here for.
We know many people who don't follow through, and we never hold it against them.
Believe me, we know how it is, so no apologies required.
Peace to you, brother or sister.

 

[SoIntoYou]

Hey, there's nothing wrong with what you did or said in a place like this. When it comes to CTB, it's like expected that people have second thoughts.

 

[Sinai Silence]

You're totally not a failure, whatever you decide we're all here to support you. People get their ups and downs all the time, hopefully another job will come around soon which you can enjoy and commit to.