Venting I am so unhappy

[UninformedLover]

I am so.. inherently sad. It's a feeling I can not escape. I am annoyed at my own redundancy but this is the truth. Nothing seem to be enjoyable anymore. I'm tired of living like this. I'm tired of living. I can't even count how many times I teared up this week at the meer thought of my shitty existence. I feel like an old worn out sock that's been through the wash cycle 16 times.

No one will ever understand. No amount of talking my feelings out will solve anything. I did everything I could. I got professional help, I did all the stupid coping methods. So why do I stil feel this way? I don't understand it.


My mom has abused me all my life. It shaped my personality..who I am..what I feel. I hate who I am. I'm am just like my mother minus the drug addiction. How disgusting.

For a while I just tried to forget about it but to no avail. I get so worked up thinking about it. It's not fair. I was never a bad kid so I don't understand why she'd beat me and call me such horrible names. Once when I was young she beat me and slammed my head into a microwave all because I bought an ugly coat with my dad.

I can never forgive her and never will. She ruined me. Often,more times than I'd like to admit I dream of having different parents, a different family one who loves me and doesn't get mad at me for any trivial thing. One that doesn't scream at me for being mentally ill.

My life ultimately serves no purpose other than to be my mom's faux therapist,maid and punching bag. How exciting.

 

[Dear_headlights]

That sounds awful, im sorry your treated so badly x

 

[azucaramargo]

I am so.. inherently sad. It's a feeling I can not escape. I am annoyed at my own redundancy but this is the truth. Nothing seem to be enjoyable anymore. I'm tired of living like this. I'm tired of living. I can't even count how many times I teared up this week at the meer thought of my shitty existence. I feel like an old worn out sock that's been through the wash cycle 16 times.

No one will ever understand. No amount of talking my feelings out will solve anything. I did everything I could. I got professional help, I did all the stupid coping methods. So why do I stil feel this way? I don't understand it.


My mom has abused me all my life. It shaped my personality..who I am..what I feel. I hate who I am. I'm am just like my mother minus the drug addiction. How disgusting.

For a while I just tried to forget about it but to no avail. I get so worked up thinking about it. It's not fair. I was never a bad kid so I don't understand why she'd beat me and call me such horrible names. Once when I was young she beat me and slammed my head into a microwave all because I bought an ugly coat with my dad.

I can never forgive her and never will. She ruined me. Often,more times than I'd like to admit I dream of having different parents, a different family one who loves me and doesn't get mad at me for any trivial thing. One that doesn't scream at me for being mentally ill.

My life ultimately serves no purpose other than to be my mom's faux therapist,maid and punching bag. How exciting.

Though I hate that you are in pain, Dear Uni(n)formed Lover, I loved this post. I love that you made yourself so vulnerable to this community, and brought your troubles here instead of elsewhere.

I am so sorry you had such an unhappy childhood. We aren't our parents. And, you blossomed into an orchid despite ridicule and cruelty. With time and space, we've got to remind ourselves of our abusers' limitations and shortcomings. You do not need to forgive your mother, but you do need to continue to rise above her, and not allow her to make you feel bad. I pray that you will get to the point where you pity your mother. You are a wonderful pearl.

 

[UninformedLover]

Though I hate that you are in pain, Dear Uni(n)formed Lover, I loved this post. I love that you made yourself so vulnerable to this community, and brought your troubles here instead of elsewhere.

I am so sorry you had such an unhappy childhood. We aren't our parents. And, you blossomed into an orchid despite ridicule and cruelty. With time and space, we've got to remind ourselves of our abusers' limitations and shortcomings. You do not need to forgive your mother, but you do need to continue to rise above her, and not allow her to make you feel bad. I pray that you will get to the point where you pity your mother. You are a wonderful pearl.

Your kind words have touched me dearly. Thank you. It will be hard but I will try my best. Thank you so much . I feel a little better.

 

[Sweet emotion]

I am so.. inherently sad. It's a feeling I can not escape. I am annoyed at my own redundancy but this is the truth. Nothing seem to be enjoyable anymore. I'm tired of living like this. I'm tired of living. I can't even count how many times I teared up this week at the meer thought of my shitty existence. I feel like an old worn out sock that's been through the wash cycle 16 times.

No one will ever understand. No amount of talking my feelings out will solve anything. I did everything I could. I got professional help, I did all the stupid coping methods. So why do I stil feel this way? I don't understand it.


My mom has abused me all my life. It shaped my personality..who I am..what I feel. I hate who I am. I'm am just like my mother minus the drug addiction. How disgusting.

For a while I just tried to forget about it but to no avail. I get so worked up thinking about it. It's not fair. I was never a bad kid so I don't understand why she'd beat me and call me such horrible names. Once when I was young she beat me and slammed my head into a microwave all because I bought an ugly coat with my dad.

I can never forgive her and never will. She ruined me. Often,more times than I'd like to admit I dream of having different parents, a different family one who loves me and doesn't get mad at me for any trivial thing. One that doesn't scream at me for being mentally ill.

My life ultimately serves no purpose other than to be my mom's faux therapist,maid and punching bag. How exciting.

How are you going to end it?

 

[UninformedLover]

How are you going to end it?

I am going to hang myself via partial suspension.

 

[Sweet emotion]

I am going to hang myself via partial suspension.

Everyone tries that. I have no idea why people want to do that. It never works. Hang yourself off a tree limb or something.

 

[UninformedLover]

Everyone tries that. I have no idea why people want to do that. It never works. Hang yourself off a tree limb or something.

I was thinking that but there's aren't many strong trees around where I live and the ones that are strong enough to hold my weight are in areas such as parks which is heavily populated. I guess I could go out at night but I want to ctb home not outside alone.