Venting I am so ashamed and feel like a massive burden...

[TheSoulless]

(Another venting thread, you're welcome)

My parents are already tight on money and they still pay for my school, even though I very often just skip it. My grandparents are sending me money as well, but they need it. I'm not even getting anything out of this place, the only reason I even came here was so that I could be alone. And now I can't. So I'm moving back home soon, but I'm still ridden with guilt. Just got the school payment thingy or whatever the fuck you call it, and it's huge – I know I will smoke a lot tomorrow.

It's amazing how for many the lack of good parent figures has caused them problems. And yet I'm getting anxious because of my kind and loving parents. Because I can never return the favor. I can never really atone. It's eating me up inside.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I totally get where you are coming from. I was and still am a burden but the only other alternative for me is to ctb which will bring more damage than being a neet now which I really dont have desire nor the ability to change. Life is not always about things falling into a place. Some people just cant be independent and need support wether temporarily or permanently. People with disabilities including invisible ones are expected to function and compete on the level of typicals. Accommodation is a myth and is just for show so employers show and feel good about themselves. I hope you exit this cycle of shame you are in because it can get very unhelpful to your overall wellbeing. Good luck

 

[TheSoulless]

I totally get where you are coming from. I was and still am a burden but the only other alternative for me is to ctb which will bring more damage than being a neet now which I really dont have desire nor the ability to change. Life is not always about things falling into a place. Some people just cant be independent and need support wether temporarily or permanently. People with disabilities including invisible ones are expected to function and compete on the level of typicals. Accommodation is a myth and is just for show so employers show and feel good about themselves. I hope you exit this cycle of shame you are in because it can get very unhelpful to your overall wellbeing. Good luck

Thank you.

 

[PreussenBlueJay]

It seems like you are still fairly young. The best thing to do (in my opinion) would be to compartmentalize the past and say to yourself that from here you will turn things around. You may have experienced a big setback but from now you can begin the work to overcome it. I feel guilty about wasting my life when my parents spent so much money on me, but then I remember that they want me around for whatever reason and the least I could do is work my job and give them some money to pay them back. It's probably okay to live that way.

 

[summers]

(Another venting thread, you're welcome)

My parents are already tight on money and they still pay for my school, even though I very often just skip it. My grandparents are sending me money as well, but they need it. I'm not even getting anything out of this place, the only reason I even came here was so that I could be alone. And now I can't. So I'm moving back home soon, but I'm still ridden with guilt. Just got the school payment thingy or whatever the fuck you call it, and it's huge – I know I will smoke a lot tomorrow.

It's amazing how for many the lack of good parent figures has caused them problems. And yet I'm getting anxious because of my kind and loving parents. Because I can never return the favor. I can never really atone. It's eating me up inside.

Honestly, this goes to show how fucked the higher ed system is. They straddle students with huge debts, while only maybe 20% of majors are even worth it. Instead of providing counseling to potential students to determine what is in their best interest, the school just admits people who shouldn't be there to make as much as they can off of people.

Sorry for your experience with college. If I were your HS counselor, I would have strongly advised you against a traditional program, and either recommended you take some time off from school, or consider a technical college.

 

[toseeyousmile]

(Another venting thread, you're welcome)

My parents are already tight on money and they still pay for my school, even though I very often just skip it. My grandparents are sending me money as well, but they need it. I'm not even getting anything out of this place, the only reason I even came here was so that I could be alone. And now I can't. So I'm moving back home soon, but I'm still ridden with guilt. Just got the school payment thingy or whatever the fuck you call it, and it's huge – I know I will smoke a lot tomorrow.

It's amazing how for many the lack of good parent figures has caused them problems. And yet I'm getting anxious because of my kind and loving parents. Because I can never return the favor. I can never really atone. It's eating me up inside.

Holy shit my situations pretty similar to yours and on top of that I've always wanted to work so that I can at least leave something for my mom after I ctb yet my parents aren't allowing me to work since they want me to focus on school...

This opportunity really is just wasted on us huh I usually play games or do other things as a means of escapism but now I can't even detach myself from reality, the guilt eats me up no matter where I run.

Let's talk I think our situations pretty similar, good luck

 

[TheSoulless]

It seems like you are still fairly young. The best thing to do (in my opinion) would be to compartmentalize the past and say to yourself that from here you will turn things around. You may have experienced a big setback but from now you can begin the work to overcome it. I feel guilty about wasting my life when my parents spent so much money on me, but then I remember that they want me around for whatever reason and the least I could do is work my job and give them some money to pay them back. It's probably okay to live that way.

Thanks for this.

Honestly, this goes to show how fucked the higher ed system is. They straddle students with huge debts, while only maybe 20% of majors are even worth it. Instead of providing counseling to potential students to determine what is in their best interest, the school just admits people who shouldn't be there to make as much as they can off of people.

Sorry for your experience with college. If I were your HS counselor, I would have strongly advised you against a traditional program, and either recommended you take some time off from school, or consider a technical college.

It's actually a different matter. Generally, education in my country is free. I'm studying at a community college however. It wouldn't be so bad, but I'm not going to get any degree from there. You can see why I feel guilty.

Edit: and the community college is not free.

 

[summers]

Thanks for this.

It's actually a different matter. Generally, education in my country is free. I'm studying at a community college however. It wouldn't be so bad, but I'm not going to get any degree from there. You can see why I feel guilty.

Free education is great - it does allow you to explore some options. My question is - given the option, would you rather get an academic or technical degree? Maybe if you pursue what you're more interested in, you will get a degree or certification and be able to repay your parents and grandparents.

I did terrible at college when I first went. Took a year off then went back and did much better. I still didn't like my major, but figured if it got me out of the shit job I was in it's better than nothing.

 

[toseeyousmile]

Thanks for this.

It's actually a different matter. Generally, education in my country is free. I'm studying at a community college however. It wouldn't be so bad, but I'm not going to get any degree from there. You can see why I feel guilty.

Edit: and the community college is not free.

Wow free education. But, yeah I have the exact same guilt, on top of wasted money on going to college, it's wasted time too. A big part of my guilt also stems from not being able to pay my mom back and seeing her age and get older, makes mee feel guilty that I'm making this decision. Best of luck to you, I hope you're able to figure something out, this isn't an easy situation to be in.

 

[OrcWitch]

I don't know how to comfort someone experiencing shame like this, it's a very foreign feeling to me. But I am sorry you feel that way.

From my perspective it must mean you have good character to feel that way about it. The way I see it, parents created children so parents are supposed to support them financially, give them property, help them out etc. I think children are entitled to live how you are right now.