I am SHIT

[irregularheartbeat]

If this isn't okay, delete it. I just can't believe Im doing this. I never thought I would be this kind of person, and I'm deeply ashamed of myself.
A while ago, I was invited into a relationship with a married couple. The man is my bestfriends older brother, I've known him since I was 6? About, and his wife. I accepted.
It was going well for about 3 weeks, mostly drinking and just having fun.
The girl is very distant, she mostly stays on her phone and doesn't even really give hin the time of day much, so she definitely didn't even talk to me much.
One night we were drinking, just me and him she decided to stay sober that night. I got really sad about, something I'm not even sure. I was too drunk to accurately know what happened, I just remember they started fighting. I have really bad ptsd, so any type of arguing sends me into a spiral. A lot of shit happened that night, I don't even know.
After that she wouldn't talk to me, even though I wasn't really part of their argument.
She made him block my number and told him he wasn't allowed to speak to me either. But he started unblocking my number while at work, or in the bathroom to talk to me. We've still been talking, seeing eachother, and having sex together behind her back. I feel horrific about this. But I just can't walk away. I want her to love me and don't know what's so wrong with me.

 

[coma-baby]

Her problems aren't your fault. They - as a couple - invited you in to their relationship. It's on the wife to talk with her husband and explain why she wasn't into the situation anymore. And then it's up to them both to decide as a couple how to address you and figure out the relationship between the three of you.
Him being a childhood friend of yours does muddy the waters a lot, but you and him still deserve to be able to communicate and have a relationship. The wife's reaction is made up of her own feelings that aren't being properly dealt with. You're very unfortunate to be stuck in the middle like this.
Hopefully the three of you will be able to sit down together and reach an understanding.

 

[irregularheartbeat]

Her problems aren't your fault. They - as a couple - invited you in to their relationship. It's on the wife to talk with her husband and explain why she wasn't into the situation anymore. And then it's up to them both to decide as a couple how to address you and figure out the relationship between the three of you.
Him being a childhood friend of yours does muddy the waters a lot, but you and him still deserve to be able to communicate and have a relationship. The wife's reaction is made up of her own feelings that aren't being properly dealt with. You're very unfortunate to be stuck in the middle like this.
Hopefully the three of you will be able to sit down together and reach an understanding.

Thank you for this. I often find myself blaming myself for everything.
I've gotten her to speak with me a little bit by now, but just twice and its been over 3 weeks.
I hope we can come to an understanding and just be friends at least

 

[HitchHiker]

They invited you into their relationship so this isn't your doing. However, it sounds like she may now be jealous and can see that her husband may be developing feelings for you and what was just a bit of fun could now be a serious threat to her marriage. I think maybe it's time for you to step away and let them work it out between themselves.

 

[Soul]

You aren't shit, darling. I agree that the best thing would be to keep some distance and let them sort out what she needs to feel secure.