I am secretly jealous of blonde haired women but embarrassed to seek help for my problem

[FireFox]

I am so ashamed and embarrassed that I have feelings especially throughout my life and fear being judged if I seek professional help for them. No therapist will touch this or take seriously.

I will be honest when I see a white woman with blonde hair generally I just feel so unattractive as her features stand out more whereas I feel my brown skin, black hair and dark brown eyes just are plain and boring. The blonde woman she will be always be seen as beautiful by society, men, desired by men, loved by men whereas I will not. She will always be prettier than me and chosen over me by men it I actually painful acknowledging this.

Going through teenage years and my 20s experiencing the guys (including non white men) I like always choosing the white girls and now women over me made me feel so unattractive and ugly. The racial bullying at school was just awful even black boys in my class laughed along with the racist boy who builled me.

As a teenager It's absolutely hurt seeing my crush look at this Engilsh with blonde hair and blue eyes, it was clear he was attracted to her. He did like her all the boys did and was always nice her and filrting with her. My crush he had black hair and brown eyes and he was not even White. I realised I will never be seen as pretty like her and have all the boys really like you and want you.

She was mean to me but I was wished I was pretty like her because it looked so empowering seeing her being liked and wanted by all the boys while I was ignored and overlooked by the boys even though I was naturally confident and friendly. As I grow older I hate my features. I only see my low weight body from my anoxeria as the perfect feature everything else I hate.

No therapist is going to take this seriously I have to deal with this problem myself

 

[noaccount]

That's totally a serious thing I mean I don't know if you're in the U.S. or not or what ethnic stuff is like where you live, but there's lots of writing on discrimination and internalized racism and psychology. In the U.S. at least groups like Black Girl Therapy formed to help people find counselors from similar backgrounds as them who are competent in racial justice issues - if you are of another background not black or white you might still be able to reach out to them for referrals.

 

[makethepainstop]

I am so ashamed and embarrassed that I have feelings especially throughout my life and fear being judged if I seek professional help for them. No therapist will touch this or take seriously.

I will be honest when I see a white woman with blonde hair generally I just feel so unattractive as her features stand out more whereas I feel my brown skin, black hair and dark brown eyes just are plain and boring. The blonde woman she will be always be seen as beautiful by society, men, desired by men, loved by men whereas I will not. She will always be prettier than me and chosen over me by men it I actually painful acknowledging this.

Going through teenage years and my 20s experiencing the guys (including non white men) I like always choosing the white girls and now women over me made me feel so unattractive and ugly. The racial bullying at school was just awful even black boys in my class laughed along with the racist boy who builled me.

As a teenager It's absolutely hurt seeing my crush look at this Engilsh with blonde hair and blue eyes, it was clear he was attracted to her. He did like her all the boys did and was always nice her and filrting with her. My crush he had black hair and brown eyes and he was not even White. I realised I will never be seen as pretty like her and have all the boys really like you and want you.

She was mean to me but I was wished I was pretty like her because it looked so empowering seeing her being liked and wanted by all the boys while I was ignored and overlooked by the boys even though I was naturally confident and friendly. As I grow older I hate my features. I only see my low weight body from my anoxeria as the perfect feature everything else I hate.

No therapist is going to take this seriously I have to deal with this problem myself

I feel the same way when I see another man with platinum blond hair and blue eyes.

 

[Somebody]

You are beautiful, your crush doesn't know what he is missing. Just be yourself, you have nothing to be ashamed of.

 

[Venus13]

Absolutely despising the body you're in should be taken seriously. This is about self esteem, relationships and trauma. Those are foundations of therapy. If you had a skilled therapist they'd dive deep into that, but I'm not sure how many skilled therapists actually exist.

It's not you when it comes to fear of seeking professional help. The field gives so much leeway to shit work for some reason. The level of incompetency accepted in counseling/psychiatric medicine is pretty disappointing. I guess if results aren't good they blame the patient. Any other field the practitioner is highly responsible for outcomes. If I were you I'd give it a try with a few therapists. If you really want to recover then these problems are serious and should be heard in counseling. You're trapped in negative thought loops.

 

[lofticries]

I think you need to find rolemodels,muses, etc in your own race. There are beautiful women all over the world in every size and ethnicity.

I used to hate short girls because they would get all the tall boys and boys in general when I was young. But then I come to realize that their preferences shouldn't concern me. And that if I were to date a man I would like to be the preference rather than the exception. Although not as many as short women (because majority of women are short) there are still some tall women to look to for inspiration. I still hate my height but there are some things I've learned to live with about it. I think the fact that I'm no longer suicidal about it is a big improvement.

Edit: also talk to a therapist. I'm pretty sure they've heard it all and maybe even cases similar to yours.

Considering how a certain look is pushed onto the world entirely what you're going through is what many other women are going through as well.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

You still haven't tried online dating? Also, who tf cares about hair/skin color? It's the bf distribution/bone structure/muscle shapes/etc.