I am ready

[Dominik]

I press the trigger

Alone in the dark, with my past,
seeking to remember the joys and the reasons
for which I recount the monotony of this life.
More disarmed than the first day,
the white years of my youth
have let themselves be possessed.
As for the future! The future I dare not even think about it.
Empty is my life and yet I did not choose
the present is nothing but nothing ...

It all began surely the day I was born,
the day I did not meet the good fairy
who would have made me what I am not.
Those I sometimes envy,
those whom life has endowed with a chance,
but me unfortunately here, I'm not there,
and deprived of that, why should I fight a fight?
Anyway not worth it,
I know the story but I have no strength.
My love for life ended in a divorce,
I too dreamed of knowing the ideal idyll,
the desire, the passion not to lose the thread.
To leave the city at once, to isolate yourself on an island.
Instead, my life is spinning, sneaking and scrolling
homeless.
I always raised my head, even on my knees.
But tonight, I'm tired of fighting
and seriously think about disconnecting everything.
Winter put down his coat,
as if death were already there, close to me.
The cold lacerates my skin,
like this life, which I do not want anymore.
Lost in these thoughts, where everyone keeps pitying me.
That's it, tonight I'm going crazy, unable to escape my fate.

The stressed soul, the compressed brain,
as worn out by the war of nerves
to which I must give myself.
To suffer without pity, without respite, this is my life.
Gray seems the future and black is a color of my mind.
I do not try to understand, nor to make myself heard,
I am the flock with a number stuck in the back.
Subway, job, sanitized brain.
My ultimate escape is in the flow of these words.
Forty years of setbacks in the light of despair.
You can believe me that leaves traces in the mirror.
I have the affected neurons and the infected heart,
tired of fighting, of having to endure the inevitability
and the weight of a failed life.
That's why I isolate myself, why I stay alone.
Alone in my free head, free to be
a slave is beating a retreat,
fleeing this world of aesthetes by fooling my head.
OK, I'll stop, I'm pulling the trigger

 

[martha]

did you write that?
you are absolutely gifted.

 

[Dominik]

No, it's not me who wrote that. This a French song. This is my story. It's my life.

 

[martha]

ne me quitte pas - Google zoeken

 

[martha]

@Dominik: the name of your avatar always makes me smile.....I have somebody very dear in my family carrying this name..so you are my new family member...if you allow me to adopt you

 

[Dominik]

Sarcastic irony of life ... Want to adopt me, the orphan. My soul has lost its roots. My heart is dead, it remains more than a pile of dust. Only my eyes are still alive, witness the tears that ensues. I am a 47 year old man but I am like a child looking for his parents in the department store. I'm just aware that it's the end of my life.

 

[CuriousAboutThis]

I press the trigger

Alone in the dark, with my past,
seeking to remember the joys and the reasons
for which I recount the monotony of this life.
More disarmed than the first day,
the white years of my youth
have let themselves be possessed.
As for the future! The future I dare not even think about it.
Empty is my life and yet I did not choose
the present is nothing but nothing ...

It all began surely the day I was born,
the day I did not meet the good fairy
who would have made me what I am not.
Those I sometimes envy,
those whom life has endowed with a chance,
but me unfortunately here, I'm not there,
and deprived of that, why should I fight a fight?
Anyway not worth it,
I know the story but I have no strength.
My love for life ended in a divorce,
I too dreamed of knowing the ideal idyll,
the desire, the passion not to lose the thread.
To leave the city at once, to isolate yourself on an island.
Instead, my life is spinning, sneaking and scrolling
homeless.
I always raised my head, even on my knees.
But tonight, I'm tired of fighting
and seriously think about disconnecting everything.
Winter put down his coat,
as if death were already there, close to me.
The cold lacerates my skin,
like this life, which I do not want anymore.
Lost in these thoughts, where everyone keeps pitying me.
That's it, tonight I'm going crazy, unable to escape my fate.

The stressed soul, the compressed brain,
as worn out by the war of nerves
to which I must give myself.
To suffer without pity, without respite, this is my life.
Gray seems the future and black is a color of my mind.
I do not try to understand, nor to make myself heard,
I am the flock with a number stuck in the back.
Subway, job, sanitized brain.
My ultimate escape is in the flow of these words.
Forty years of setbacks in the light of despair.
You can believe me that leaves traces in the mirror.
I have the affected neurons and the infected heart,
tired of fighting, of having to endure the inevitability
and the weight of a failed life.
That's why I isolate myself, why I stay alone.
Alone in my free head, free to be
a slave is beating a retreat,
fleeing this world of aesthetes by fooling my head.
OK, I'll stop, I'm pulling the trigger

I love poetry something I admire,
Almost like a strong desire within myself,
Isolation within all my temptations,
My virtues and my sins maybe I am broken,
If I had a token to bring those I love together,
Like fathers, mothers, brothers, and sisters and so on,
I would, bound by my past,
Within my own presence what kind of future do I have?
To me it seems uncertain,
As if I was to peek past the curtains,
To see what lies beyond this life,
Within all the strife we cause ourselves,
Biting, fighting, killing, torturing,
What Soul do I have,
If I even have one,
Will I continue this life,
Or will my life give out,
Like a flame on a candle,
When there is nothing left,
As it burns out,
Ashes may ashes might,
As the dust settles whether there is light,
Or darkness and the mixture between the two,
How shall I find you?
And how shall I find myself,
If I truly have a self,
What lies on the shelf,
Photos, memories, gifts, books,
Learning tools to make us less like fools,
Mementos of the past, present, and potential future,
Maybe a pistol or two or a gun long enough,
To do some damage will you take me with you,
Or will I be left behind,
Abandonment issues,
Seems childish to me,
As one used to say to me,
As if they knew when they know not,
Find me, help me, save me,
Or destroy me what is my destiny,
What path should I take,
Or shall I be late and make someone else take control,
When I want to control myself,
And not be abused, used, lied to, stolen from,
And or manipulated by others like before,
I have no scores to settle anymore,
Is it too late for me,
Or is it just beginning,
Annihilation and reincarnation,
Seems potential within me,
And around me,
How shall it be?

 

[martha]

Want to adopt me, the orphan.....

I am an orphan, too... lost so many family members ....they are all there on the other side

 

[Dominik]

I would have liked to be adopted by love in my life. Too young I became an adult .. I would have liked to be able to create my own story, to make and to become a family, to have children. I have been searching all my life after that. Throughout my life, love has been for me only scars and pain. I'm going to die because of the most beautiful thing in the world. To have lost all the members of the family, to have no more roots or landmarks, to be alone in this ultra connected and overpopulated world, what irony of life. Living in a psychological cage and at the same time so real .. I do not know if all I write is clear .. For 2 years I cross a lava desert, I have no strength at all, I I have fought so much, that I prefer to let myself sink in this mass laid to end once and for all. I stopped taking my medical treatment that I had been taking for 2 years. I know very well what I do. I have never experienced pain as intense as it is physical or psychological. It's a hell like I've never lived. And yet I led gigantic fights as against alcohol for example. This one is a terrible fight. I will counter and use these drugs as an aid to my departure. No, I will not take all the pills once. This is not the way I chose to leave. I want my mind to suffer so much more for it to give it the missing strength to do it.

 

[Dominik]

I love poetry something I admire,
Almost like a strong desire within myself,
Isolation within all my temptations,
My virtues and my sins maybe I am broken,
If I had a token to bring those I love together,
Like fathers, mothers, brothers, and sisters and so on,
I would, bound by my past,
Within my own presence what kind of future do I have?
To me it seems uncertain,
As if I was to peek past the curtains,
To see what lies beyond this life,
Within all the strife we cause ourselves,
Biting, fighting, killing, torturing,
What Soul do I have,
If I even have one,
Will I continue this life,
Or will my life give out,
Like a flame on a candle,
When there is nothing left,
As it burns out,
Ashes may ashes might,
As the dust settles whether there is light,
Or darkness and the mixture between the two,
How shall I find you?
And how shall I find myself,
If I truly have a self,
What lies on the shelf,
Photos, memories, gifts, books,
Learning tools to make us less like fools,
Mementos of the past, present, and potential future,
Maybe a pistol or two or a gun long enough,
To do some damage will you take me with you,
Or will I be left behind,
Abandonment issues,
Seems childish to me,
As one used to say to me,
As if they knew when they know not,
Find me, help me, save me,
Or destroy me what is my destiny,
What path should I take,
Or shall I be late and make someone else take control,
When I want to control myself,
And not be abused, used, lied to, stolen from,
And or manipulated by others like before,
I have no scores to settle anymore,
Is it too late for me,
Or is it just beginning,
Annihilation and reincarnation,
Seems potential within me,
And around me,
How shall it be?

@Dominik: the name of your avatar always makes me smile.....I have somebody very dear in my family carrying this name..so you are my new family member...if you allow me to adopt you

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