I am physically healthy but I destroy my healthy body everyday

[FireFox]

I am physically healthy, slim and people in the past have complimented me as "pretty" but I dont see it at all. My family and people around me always " you are so lucky your physically healthy ".
I am not lucky at all. What good is being healthy if you dont know what do with your life and if you dont even know your real place in this world.

I have been purging since December and it feels good. I purge one or twice every week.

When I finish purging I feel so euphoric afterwards and calmed down . It is so much better than screaming and crying how my life is a mess and how I am a loser.

This month I have been drinking a laxative tea nearly everyday. It makes me go to the toliet but I love how flat my stomach feels. The negatives of purging are a inflamed sore thoart sometimes, involving vomiting that happens through no control of my own, feeling disgusting after enjoying a meal.

I lie so much about how happy I am to my family and they actually believe it. It is easier to live a lie than tell the truth especially since my family never actually listen and dont understand at all

I hate my life and have effectively ruined my life. I went from being a committed law student who wanted to do amazing and meaningful things with their lives to an unmotivated unemployed suicidal graduate who doesnt know her real place and has no direction in life.
I have given up on life i dont see the point in anything anymore
I am the architect of my own demise. I am 24 next month it is too late for me to fix my life.

 

[StringPuppet]

Same. I'm pretty sure all my muscles are atrophied from not doing any physical activity in years and my diet is horrible. Purging sounds rough, sorry you had to resort to that

 

[FailingAtLife]

I am physically healthy, slim and people in the past have complimented me as "pretty" but I dont see it at all. My family and people around me always " you are so lucky your physically healthy ".
I am not lucky at all. What good is being healthy if you dont know what do with your life and if you dont even know your real place in this world.

I have been purging since December and it feels good. I purge one or twice every week.

When I finish purging I feel so euphoric afterwards and calmed down . It is so much better than screaming and crying how my life is a mess and how I am a loser.

This month I have been drinking a laxative tea nearly everyday. It makes me go to the toliet but I love how flat my stomach feels. The negatives of purging are a inflamed sore thoart sometimes, involving vomiting that happens through no control of my own, feeling disgusting after enjoying a meal.

I lie so much about how happy I am to my family and they actually believe it. It is easier to live a lie than tell the truth especially since my family never actually listen and dont understand at all

I hate my life and have effectively ruined my life. I went from being a committed law student who wanted to do amazing and meaningful things with their lives to an unmotivated unemployed suicidal graduate who doesnt know her real place and has no direction in life.
I have given up on life i dont see the point in anything anymore
I am the architect of my own demise. I am 24 next month it is too late for me to fix my life.

So what made you become like this from being a student and why d'you feel you can't change it? You're only 24; you have many years in which you can change things for the better... I'm not saying it's easy; it's not. But you're by no means past the point of no return - yet.

I've had opportunities that I've thrown away since I was 26. I'm mid 40s now, and could have done so much in that time. Don't waste opportunities you come across; because the real damage will come from your mind & body failing you through lack of use. Believe me.

 

[Thegoldenapples]

I agree with @FailingAtLife. 24 is still super young and body is strong enough to bounce back relatively quickly if you want too. May not feel like that to you know, but it is. You can get a lot done in 10 years too. There was one girl in my class at uni with similar issues to you and seeing how far she's come now is pretty impressive. I got super sick once I finished uni and have been now for 10 years but I didn't know what the hell was going on so couldn't do anything about it. You're lucky you know what's wrong and what to do about it. If you're done, you're done. I get that. But don't think that 24 is too old to resolve anything.

 

[Neowise]

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this, it must be an awful situation.
You said you are slim, so I assume you don't do this to lose more weight? What is the reason? Perhaps you can try something else to compensate, maybe doing some sports like jogging? I found that my belly / stomach feel pretty flat, too after some workout because the intestine seems to work more during movement. Could that be worth a shot?

I agree with the two posters above, our body is strong and can adapt well, especially at 24 (I am 25 slowly starting to do more sports). If there is a will there is a way, I believe you can overcome this. You could talk to a doctor to support you because I imagine it is hard to manage alone, but we are all here for you :)