I am on the fence, don't really know what I am really looking for

[anonymous9559]

I have been over the thought of sewer slide for a while now, and I always bring it down to a pros and cons list that sounds schizophrenic.
So far, for the pro-ctb side I have:
-the fact that nobody will really care at the end, aside from my sis dad and mom who live with me
-I feel like a bourdon on those around me, I feel like I am wasting their time whenever I am talking with them. I feel guilty whenever they want to spend time with me
-I am causing unneeded stress to my parents by being what is a total failure in their eyes (straight A student, but one B i get this year is going to completely ruin my future, even though it is my future and I should be the one concerned)
-I haven't really talked to anyone, I'd feel guilty for wasting their time one something so unimportant
-I feel like it is really hard ever since I opened up too much to one of my ex-friends

anti-ctb side:
-This doesn't necessarily mean the ctb is the correct option
-My friends say they enjoy spending time with me whenever I ask them about it, but I still feel otherwise
-I would make my family kinda sad, but once again nobody else would really care so idk

I was just wondering if anyone had anything to say, I thought this might be the right place to share with someone for the first time.

 

[Sarosusiel]

People who don't enjoy spending time with you tend not to in the end. One friend I have known for about 15 years now has moved away from me socially and doesn't answer my messages anymore and regardless of what he says he clearly doesn't want to be friends. The people who do hang around you must want to or they just wouldn't do it. There are 8 billion people on earth and if they didn't like you they would find someone else.
Not that any of this rational necessarily means you just start feeling instantly better but you are probably liked.

 

[anonymous9559]

The people who do hang around you must want to or they just wouldn't do it.

I like, know that, but I have this feeling in the back of my mind that they are guilted into doing it out of pity or something idk

 

[Sarosusiel]

They definitely don't. Everyone is their own main character and no one spends more time thinking about you than you do. This is true for everyone. Anxiety is just conspiracy theories about yourself.

 

[anonymous9559]

They definitely don't. Everyone is their own main character and no one spends more time thinking about you than you do. This is true for everyone. Anxiety is just conspiracy theories about yourself.

aight I'll try to start thinking about this whenever i start feeling like a negative part of everyone's day. thanks!

 

[LoiteringClouds]

I have been over the thought of sewer slide for a while now, and I always bring it down to a pros and cons list that sounds schizophrenic.
So far, for the pro-ctb side I have:
-the fact that nobody will really care at the end, aside from my sis dad and mom who live with me
-I feel like a bourdon on those around me, I feel like I am wasting their time whenever I am talking with them. I feel guilty whenever they want to spend time with me
-I am causing unneeded stress to my parents by being what is a total failure in their eyes (straight A student, but one B i get this year is going to completely ruin my future, even though it is my future and I should be the one concerned)
-I haven't really talked to anyone, I'd feel guilty for wasting their time one something so unimportant
-I feel like it is really hard ever since I opened up too much to one of my ex-friends

anti-ctb side:
-This doesn't necessarily mean the ctb is the correct option
-My friends say they enjoy spending time with me whenever I ask them about it, but I still feel otherwise
-I would make my family kinda sad, but once again nobody else would really care so idk

I was just wondering if anyone had anything to say, I thought this might be the right place to share with someone for the first time.

Hello @anonymous9559,
Welcome to this website!
Here you don't have to pretend to be fine.
Many people are tired of an endless fight.

I feel like wasting people's time, too.
I think I can relate to you.
And if you comfortable with, I want to talk with you.
I'm interested in your thoughts, it's true!


I know sometimes positivity is invalidating but this is Recovery section, so a bit of positivity is allowed, I guess.

-I am causing unneeded stress to my parents by being what is a total failure in their eyes (straight A student, but one B i get this year is going to completely ruin my future, even though it is my future and I should be the one concerned)

Are your parents perfectionists?

Please know that you have a voice and choice. Few people here judge you - I believe your pain is valid.
Whatever you choose, I wish you the best

 

[The anhedonic one]

So sorry you are going through this.
Most so-called friends are fair-weather friends and will never really be there for you when it matters.
True friends are incredibly rare today as most people are too self-absorbed to truly care.
Mist family members just " care " because they feel obliged to as opposed to truly caring.

 

[Redhat83]

only you can make that decision it would be immoral for someone to decide for you weather your life is worth living because only you know that but I would say if you're in any doubt then don't even if its small because you'll never get to change your mind if you do it. Also it may not feel like it but there are people who would rather listen to all of your problems than go to your funeral.