Help I am mentaly stuck.

[Insomniax<3]

I've just turned 18 and I don't know what to do anymore. I wanted to be someones favourite but I'll never be. My parents have always made it clear that my brother is the favourite child and I'm just here to assist his future. I was and always have been quick to see someone as a "best friend" while they just see me as something they know. Not that I didn't have friends growing up I just did not feel like they see me as one and they could leave me any time. I've tried getting a gf and I almost got one now but I've been overthinking this whole time that I am a lil to much for her. My mental state has never been great and I have not found a way to fix it. I am to scared to talk about my feelings on things because people will find me weak and stupid for the way I think. But the only weak and stupid thing I could do is avoiding to talk about it. I am just scared to be vulnerable. For my whole life I've thought suicide is the only way because there is nothing to life. There never was and will never be anything. That is another reason why I don't want a gf or any real friends. I am to scared to disappoint. Disappointing is another thing I've been doing my whole life. I even feel weak typing this because my English is ahh and I don't think anyone is going to read this. I just wanted to know if I should persuite a relationship with that girl or just give up and end it in general? I just have a feeling that if someone who has the same traits she likes bout me but is taller, handsomer and has a better body then me comes acros her path. That she'll leave me in an instant for him. I am just another filler for her greatness I am meant to die alone.

Thank you for reading my bs,
Much love from Insomniax.​

 

[U. A.]

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[Matchaaa]

Your feelings about things are not stupid at all and you deserve love.
I hope you can find a way to get along with yourself.
Wishing you all the best.

 

[LonelyPrince]

Personally, i think you should give it a shot. Don't give it all up, you'll never know unless you try. People who truly love you will accept your feelings and vulnerability. Your feelings aren't stupid, they are valid.