I am lost

[Mitsumi]

I'm so desperate. Can't stop thinking the same stuff over and over again.
I can't have access to guns in my country. I have no sharp knives. No place to hang myself in the house. No tall bulding to jump off I even considered drinking bleach but that will hurt like hell. I tried pills (diazepam) with lots of lots of alcohol before but It didn't work. My only option is partial hanging (I guess) but I'm hardly alone at home for too long. Like one of my parents my pop of and find out.
I'm so alone and lonely. I keep blaming myself.
All my life I felt like I am being punished.

 

[Zen0]

I find myself relating to your words more than I can relate with anyone else in my life....

 

[Mitsumi]

I find myself relating to your words more than I can relate with anyone else in my life....

I am sorry to hear that I guess. I hope it gets better for you! You can talk to me btw.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's cruel and horrible to me how we cannot just choose to easily free ourselves from this existence in peace, I hate how it's so difficult to cease existing, we really shouldn't have to struggle so much to die. But anyway best wishes.

 

[Zen0]

I am sorry to hear that I guess. I hope it gets better for you! You can talk to me btw.

Thanks, similarly to you, I can't stop thinking of all the same things either. I can try and distract myself and sometimes it might work...but mostly it just doesn't. I have this ever expanding train of thought about wanting to kill myself and wishing people could notice my pain. Day in and day out it's all the same. 1. Wake up, 2. Eat/drink, 3. slave my day away, 4. come home, 5. Think about killing myself, 6. cry myself to sleep 7. Repeat.

 

[Mitsumi]

Thanks, similarly to you, I can't stop thinking of all the same things either. I can try and distract myself and sometimes it might work...but mostly it just doesn't. I have this ever expanding train of thought about wanting to kill myself and wishing people could notice my pain. Day in and day out it's all the same. 1. Wake up, 2. Eat/drink, 3. slave my day away, 4. come home, 5. Think about killing myself, 6. cry myself to sleep 7. Repeat.

I think people pretend not to notice for me. I m not that great of an actress. At least you go out. I feel so detached from reality