Water-Lily
Enlightened
- Dec 26, 2020
- 1,182
This is a case of victim mentality it seems. All my life I have felt like a victim because, in reality, I always was one. There are times where life an feel ok, only for my trauma to flashback in front of me. The memories of being bullied and abused, encountering experiences that don't seem to be very common amongst my peers etc. Of course it is selfish to expect everyone to fit into your shoes of experience. Some things are just not common. Yet it is all the more isolating.
Moments when I am down as such I am convinced suicide is the only way out. The way for happiness, peace, revenge, and escapism. I know some will disagree with my reasons but it is real to me. I have accepted with my BPD that suicide is a definite possibility. I wish I didn't have to choose this. But I am convinced it is the right choice somehow. Anyways, that's just my belief. All my hope is that my death will hurt others, give me peace, and get people to care about me. Its a pretty manipulative way to get someone to care but, I find that people don't always care when you are alive. They ignore your please and cries for help. Only when your body is a part of the earth do they "care".
My preferred method is jumping. But I know if I were to do it now it would be rather impulsive. Some days, when I think about getting hit by a car, I am not scared. I feel at peace. Maybe I am becoming in tune to my suicidal side. And its scary.
Moments when I am down as such I am convinced suicide is the only way out. The way for happiness, peace, revenge, and escapism. I know some will disagree with my reasons but it is real to me. I have accepted with my BPD that suicide is a definite possibility. I wish I didn't have to choose this. But I am convinced it is the right choice somehow. Anyways, that's just my belief. All my hope is that my death will hurt others, give me peace, and get people to care about me. Its a pretty manipulative way to get someone to care but, I find that people don't always care when you are alive. They ignore your please and cries for help. Only when your body is a part of the earth do they "care".
My preferred method is jumping. But I know if I were to do it now it would be rather impulsive. Some days, when I think about getting hit by a car, I am not scared. I feel at peace. Maybe I am becoming in tune to my suicidal side. And its scary.
